tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61622367977916290802024-02-07T15:33:56.565-07:00I Like Sparkly ObjectsI am Ami and this is my little corner of the interweb to pollute as I see fit. Sometimes I'll be boring, sometimes I might even be funny. I can guarantee I'll be random, verbose, occasionally deep, and I'll definitely over share. This is probably the closest a person can get to seeing the actual contents of the inside of my head. Stay if you enjoy my ranting, go if you don't. Either one is okay because here, I write for me.Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.comBlogger240125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-49803885243481005822019-02-14T21:31:00.002-07:002019-02-14T21:56:46.511-07:005 Weeks Post OpWe are now 5 weeks post op! As of the scale I borrowed at my kids docs office yesterday I am down 35 lbs since I started the pre op liquid diet and 48 lbs total from the first time I stepped in my surgeons office last May.<br />
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I’m also down:<br />
6.5” off my hips since May and 2.5” in the last 7 weeks.<br />
5.25” off my waist since May and 2.25” in the last 7 weeks.<br />
4.25” off my thigh (just one not both) since May, 2.75 of those in the last 7 weeks.<br />
7” off my upper stomach since May, 4.5” of that in the last 7 weeks.<br />
4.5” off my chest total, 1.5” in the last 7<br />
2” off my upper arm, both in the last 7 weeks (stupid stubborn fat!)<br />
4” off my calf, 1.25” in the last 7 weeks<br />
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It is amazing to me how different my shape looks in the mirror. That upper belly fat is amazingly stubborn and that’s what’s melting fastest at the moment and I could not be more thrilled.<br />
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Diet wise I am starting Week 2 of “Soft Chopped Solids” which is really extremely livable but man I really miss apples and crunchy veggies. One more week and I can have crunchy things and I am so excited about it. My proportions are still tiny. And proportion control is king bc it I eat even one bite too many I’m going to be very, very sorry. I still haven’t puked even if I’ve wished I could more than once. It’s good for my hernia repair that I haven’t though. I do NOT want to tear that up!<br />
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Mostly I’m learning what foods my body likes and what foods are not okay. It was my birthday a few days back and while my birthday cake tasted every bit as amazing as ever, it makes me feel like crap for a good 2 hours after eating it. I’m finding that’s pretty common. If I probably shouldn’t eat it, it’s going to make me feel like mud even if I eat it slow and not too much. And I pay attention to that feeling bc it helps reinforce that this is something that isn’t worth it if it’s gonna make me miserable! They said I could have some taste bud change too and so far I hadn’t seen much of that with savory foods but I’m noticing it now mostly with sweets. Some things just don’t taste right or they’re way, way too sweet and they make me feel like crud so I’m just passing on them instead of sneaking a bite or two.<br />
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I can drink carbonation!!! Some people can and some just never can again post surgery. Given my love affair with Diet Coke which I was really missing, I was afraid. But with my dieticians permission, I tried it and carbonation has always settled my stomach when I was sick and that apparently hasn’t changed. And sipping a caffeine free Diet Pepsi (when it’s too late for caffeine) or a Diet Coke is incredibly gratifying and it doesn’t cost me any calories at all and it doesn’t hurt my stomach so I am a very happy camper. I’m still only having a single glass a couple times a week but it’s lovely.<br />
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My weight loss is slowing down some so I’ve started trying to increase my exercise and activity levels to try to get it back up where I want it! Have to wait another week to see if it’s working. I knew my body would start to fight back but I really hoped it would wait a while longer but oh well.<br />
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I’ve lost enough weight I’m having to use belts to keep my pants from falling off and having to shop my closet for smaller clothes. So this week I made a purchase of an item I haven’t wanted in my living space since high school. That’s right, I purchased and installed a full length mirror bc I need one to check the fit on things when I pull them out of the depths of my closet. I spent years avoiding mirrors bc they were very bad for my mental health so this is kinda big.<br />
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Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-59219470813306750702019-02-02T23:48:00.000-07:002019-02-02T23:48:39.646-07:003 More Days of PureesHi Guys!<br />
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Sorry I dropped off the face of the planet there for a bit! Life was interfering but hopefully I’m getting back in the swing of things! So some updates:<br />
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I cannot tell you how grateful I was to start purées. I went to one of my favorite Mediterranean places and got a large order of my favorite hummus and their amazing baba ghanoush (sp??) and I had leftovers from that for the next week plus! Scrambled eggs have never been so exciting.<br />
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There have been some rough spots. I had to learn what full feels like again. Over eating is dramatically unpleasant and uncomfortable for hours afterwards so I am very careful about my portion sizes now and I’ve got a decent eye for how much I can eat. And I serve myself in my tiny bowls and leave the rest behind in the kitchen so I am not tempted to take even a single bite more than I should bc it’s not worth the pain. Think ONE egg scrambled with like a tsp of cheese and I’m completely full for the next several hours. 1/4-1/2 cup is about the limit.<br />
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Absolutely no beverages allowed 15 mins before to 30 mins after eating. That’s been a toughie. I used to drink a ton while I ate but it does not make my stomach feel nice if I do it so I leave my water glass in the kitchen too now so I don’t forget and reflex drink.<br />
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The other hard thing has been the swelling from my very large hiatus hernia repair has made the passage of food from my esophagus to my stomach very slow and difficult. I’m told this will improve over the next month or two as the swelling continues to go down. But if I do not take tiny bites and space them out very far apart then I wind up with the food stuck in my throat and it’s very painful and I have to just sit there and wait for it to slowwwwwly go down. It’s not pleasant. I now eat with my kids baby spoons so I don’t take bites that are too big for me.<br />
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I am 11 days into purées and today I’m officially sick of this crap and I want new food. I’ve done a good job getting really creative w seasoning and cheese combos to try to make my scrambled eggs different every day. And different soups and different hummus flavors etc. but I’m done with it now. I want crunchy veggies badly. Lol Next week I get to move to soft chopped solids which sounds amazing. Slowly, slowly I get closer to eating real food.<br />
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According to my doc my priorities right now are 1. get enough water (60+oz a day), 2. get enough protein (40+g a day) and then get all my supplements in. I think I’m doing okay on the first two but finding room in my tiny stomach for all those pills is proving difficult. I’m improving but I’m not where I should be yet.<br />
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Oh and I finally had my post op follow up w the doc. In roughly the last month I’m down 27.6 lbs and my capris are in dire need of a belt. So progress!<br />
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Also on the list of foods that don’t suck: Jello Sugar Free Pudding cups in Dark Chocolate and Chocolate Vanilla Swirl are my friends. And they’re totally legal on the diet. So there.<br />
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Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-65930378621440760112019-01-17T21:56:00.001-07:002019-01-17T21:56:11.182-07:005 more days until Purées Just 5 more days of this hell, y’all. Purées includes beautiful things like hummus and even soft scrambled eggs. You have no idea how exciting that is. I’m having to force myself to eat right now bc I am so tired of protein supplements at this point I would rather just go hungry.<br />
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In other news as of Tuesday, in the 3 weeks since I started the Pre Op Diet I have lost:<br />
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1" off my hips</div>
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1.75" off my waist</div>
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1.25" off my thigh</div>
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2.5" off my upper stomach</div>
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.75" off my chest</div>
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1.5" off my arm</div>
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.75" off my calf</div>
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That upper stomach and arm loss is nothing short of amazing bc that is the two most stubborn fat spots on my body and I swear they never move, so that I’ve lost the most there is incredible and wonderful. </div>
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I want to tell you my pain is better but I would be lying. My incisions are healing beautifully and starting to itch obnoxiously which is a good sign in terms of healing but annoying. </div>
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I cannot overstate my gratitude for some of the sisters from my church. Today one came and not only took my big kids to school for me, she took my beautiful baby that I cannot lift to put in her crib to her house to play all day so I could just rest. And then a second sister came over while the kids were gone and did the dishes, vacuumed, picked up and did a whole load of laundry and even folded and put it away. The company was lovely and the help was simply amazing. I am so blessed and I feel so loved. </div>
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But for real, y’all, gaze upon the gloriousness that awaits my tastebuds next week: </div>
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Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-40679762606803145112019-01-15T23:09:00.001-07:002019-01-15T23:09:15.253-07:00One Week Post OpI don’t have time for the full post I had wanted and planned for today. My Grandfather entered hospice this morning and the conflicting grief and relief (I have desperately hated watching him suffer) are frequently overwhelming. <div>
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I’m still alive. My pain levels are still much higher than I anticipated but they are improving. Current plan Bc I’m almost out of pain meds (they refilled me.... with a very tiny refill....) is to only take them at night so I can get to sleep. </div>
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Right now I desperately hate my diet. I hate alternative protein. I would kill to just eat meat and eggs like God intended. Hell I would delight in beans and legumes. I like beans and legumes. Hell if I could marinate and grill it I would eat tofu right now. I just want something that TASTES RIGHT. I’m so desperate on more than one occasion I’ve taken a tiny to small bite of something, chewed it to bits and then spit it out in the trash can just so I can have a taste of something that doesn’t suck. </div>
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I have also reaffirmed my hatred of “sugar free” products. They taste weird to out and out bad. Once in a great while you can find something (Diet Coke being the glaring exception to this rule) that doesn’t suck but generally my policy is I would rather have a far smaller serving of real sugar and stick to dark chocolate (less sugar!) than have all I want of the fake sugar crap. I’m definitely losing tolerance for things that taste nasty and would rather just starve than eat that crap. But I have to heal so I’m making myself choke down the bare minimums. </div>
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I can no longer join my family at meal times where there’s something I desperately want on the menu. I used to just sip broth or whatever but I can’t eat w them bc I can’t explain to my 5 year old why I’m crying over her pizza. </div>
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This is temporary. This too shall pass. But damn and wow it’s passing like a kidney stone. </div>
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In good news my incision sites are healing very well. They told me 3-5 holes and he did it in 3. My surgeon is an artist. The biggest incision he put perfectly inline with the lines in my belly button so when it heals you won’t even be able to see it. The nausea is gone. The heartburn is gone. And the abdominal pain is improving. Slowly but it is. </div>
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And in better news - it’s working. I measured tonight. I’ll give the full thing tomorrow but usually it takes me months to lose inches. 3 weeks and I have one or more inches gone in every single location I measure. </div>
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This hell sucks. But it’s temporary and unlike every other crash diet on the planet I actually have extremely good odds of this not coming back. Ever. So keep going. The only way out is through. </div>
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Oh and the other fun bonus- for 10 more days I get to keep stabbing myself with one of these every night. It’s a blood thinner to keep me from clotting while I heal. You’d think they were being ultra cautious bc they’re dealing with fluffy people or something. </div>
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Kinda fun- after I give the shot, I push the plunger one more time and this like extra layer to the barrel you couldn’t even tell was there pops out to cover the needle so it’s safe to throw away! Spiffy!</div>
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Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-3811178684616557622019-01-12T23:16:00.000-07:002019-01-12T23:16:09.218-07:00Post Op: Day 4Today it feels like I’m finally making some progress. I only had to take my anti nausea meds first thing this morning and then I didn’t touch them again for the rest of the day which is amazing. I am still incredibly dependent on my pain meds. But I spent like 10 consecutive hours sitting up on the sofa, obviously interspersed with walking around and eating or what have you. But yesterday sitting up for 2 straight hours was brutal, and I had to go lie down afterwards. I’m not saying it felt good or was super fun today but I did it. And I folded 4 baskets of laundry (that were brought to me) while I was at it so I almost felt like a productive and contributing citizen once again.<br />
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We will see how I feel tomorrow about everything I did today. I’ve had to be very dedicated to my pain meds. The “every 4-6 hours” has been like “oh thank god just 10 more mins and I can have more”. It’s just Tylenol 3 but it’s my friend.<br />
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I also made some progress on increasing my caloric intake up closer to what it’s supposed to be. This afternoons experiment involved adding some of the Unjury Unflavored Protein Powder to some tomato soup to see if I could sneak some extra protein in there..... the results were.... mixed.<br />
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1. Unflavored does not mean flavorless, it’s odd and hard to describe but my original plan was add 1 scoop of protein (worth like 20g) to my 4oz serving of tomato soup. That’s where we ran into problem:<br />
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2. That is one big butt scoop! Like wowza that’s a lot of powder! Geez! I don’t have small hands people.<br />
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It was like almost 50/50 soup and powder and the powder initially lumped up and wouldn’t mix smooth no matter how much I whisked it (and yes I checked the temperature was well below the 140 mark the instructions are emphatic I must stay below), and with that off flavor I was not sure I was going to manage to get that down. But I added another 1/4 cup of soup and then went to town w the seasonings making my classic Campbell’s tomato into a tomato basil bisque type experience. It mostly hid the flavor in the end. I at least managed to eat it. </div>
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You might be able to hide a whole scoop in the entire can of condensed plus can of milk maybe but if I try that again I’ll defin cut the powder way, way back and go from there. </div>
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<br />Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-9925890694894407502019-01-11T22:15:00.002-07:002019-01-11T22:15:29.022-07:00Post Op: Day 3I feel like I was beautifully prepared for the sleeve portion of my surgery and completely unprepared for the hernia repair. Also the first couple days I had this lovely little On-Q pain ball thing - basically it’s full of local anesthetic and had a couple little catheters going into my guts numbing things continously for the first couple days post op. Well my lovely ball ran dry and the catheters had to be removed (amazingly that part didn’t hurt at all) but now I definitely have more deep gut pain than I did before. So yay it worked, boo it’s all gone. Lol<br />
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My nausea is less today for which I’m grateful. Let me introduce you to the bane of my existence at the moment:<br />
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You see that wee little medicine cup there? 30ml or approx 1 oz. I drink one of those every 15 mins when I’m awake to stay hydrated. I really miss just being able to chug my ice water with a straw, thankyouverymuch. But nope. That’s it. And I’m not allowed to drink water like 30 mins before or after a meal. So when I tried some protein powder “chicken soup” mix thing today, I couldn’t rinse that taste out of my mouth between spoonfuls. Ugh. When I ate all I could stand (about 3 out of 8 oz) I actually went and rinsed my mouth out with water and spat in the sink just for some relief. </div>
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It’s going to be an interesting couple weeks working my way up to the recommended intake for this stage of the diet. I’ll heal faster and better with more protein in my diet which is about my only motivation right now. Never thought I’d want to keep just sipping water but I’m kinda scared of food right now. I hate the sipping but the pain is such that I’m scared to do anything more than sip bc it will hurt. Badly. </div>
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Tho I almost cried tonight when the rest of my family had pizza and I made the mistake of coming out of my room just in time to get hit with the smell and see that amazing melted cheese and it was only the promise that one bite would send me back to the hospital right now that kept me from “just a taste”. </div>
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This cute little goober likes to sneak away from Papa and Grandma and come visit Mommy in her bed. I mostly curl into the fetal position to protect my tummy from her climbing but she’s learned she can climb my head and shoulders without too much protest (I couldn’t lift to get her off of my right now if I wanted to) so tonight she wrapped herself around my head and sang for a bit: </div>
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Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-89219174988839937242019-01-10T22:17:00.000-07:002019-01-10T22:17:15.885-07:00Post Op - 2 Days Later <div>
Note: I’m still on drugs so there’s little to no proof reading atm. Sorry. </div>
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Hey y’all! Sorry I haven’t posted sooner/more. I’m okay just kinda got my butt kicked. Apparently most people with the sleeve are home the next day and need very little pain meds. But I also had a hiatus hernia repair done while they were in there. What’s that you say? Well we found it when we did the pre op scope to see if there were any surprises. Ya know how your esophagus passes through your diaphragm (that big muscle that moves up and down to make you breathe)? It’s supposed to be a pretty small passage way. Well apparently having babies really did make me puke my guts up bc mine was “really, just extremely large” and they were emphatic that it had to be surgically fixed and soon even if I decided against the sleeve I would still have to have surgery to fix that. And if you google a sleeve is supposed to take just 90 mins to perform but a hiatus hernia repair is more like 2-3 hours and apparently most people stay in the hospital more like 3 days after that one. <div>
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So Bc of the hernia repair I’ve had significantly more pain than I was anticipating. It’s not like my poor diaphragm ever gets a break from the constant labor of making me breathe so it hasn’t been super pleased with me. And it frequently hurts to swallow like down in my chest where the hernia repair is, it’s like no I do not want to stretch and allow this sip of water through. I’m still mad at you. </div>
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Nausea isn’t too terrible today. Had to work pretty dang hard that first day to keep from puking and tearing up my freshly repaired hernia. But I tell you the threat of having to have this fixed, again has worked wonders for my ability to breathe through the nausea. </div>
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So I’m home where sleeping through the night with out being woken every other hour to check vitals and draw blood or whatever the hell they want to do me now all night long is just lovely. My biggest problem is my adorable 21 month old who doesn’t understand why I’m not picking her up or why I won’t let her bounce, climb or sit on my belly. Good news is she decided to love me and find me acceptable anyways. </div>
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I’m hoping that if I continue to be good and play nice my body will forgive me soon. Right now it’s been clear liquids yesterday and today. I’m drinking from a little 30ml medicine up. Supposed to drink one of those every 15 mins when I’m awake. And it takes some doing to keep all that down so I’m not quite sure how I’m supposed to manage thick liquids starting tomorrow. Think I’m going to have to work my way up to it for sure. </div>
Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-19529942946857700932019-01-07T23:46:00.002-07:002019-01-07T23:46:51.999-07:00Pre Op Liquid Diet: Day 14I did it. 14 days of protein shakes and no real food. I survived. I kicked it’s butt. Mostly. I am incredibly grateful that that part is over. LOL<br />
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Tomorrow is The Day!!! I’m almost all prepped and ready. Maybe I’ll be able to sleep tonight but the odds aren’t great. Lol Either way I’ll definitely sleep tomorrow! The drugs’ll make sure of that. If I can, I’ll post. If I’m too drugged, I won’t!<br />
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See ya on the flip side, y’all!<br />
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If you wanna know what exhausted, hopeful <span style="text-align: center;">determination looks like, this is it:</span><br />
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<br />Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-80816239076716696402019-01-06T21:35:00.002-07:002019-01-06T21:38:13.409-07:00Pre Op Liquid Diet: Day 13I’m at the point in my pre op prep where my quality of life is being significantly impaired. And it’s not just that I had to stare down my entire family eating delicious hot, fresh garlic bread (the rest of the big Sunday dinner looked great too but I woulda killed for that garlic bread tonight), it’s not the 5 millionth shake (which btw do not contain nearly enough fiber). No, right now its the fact I’m not allowed to have Advil or Melatonin the week before surgery and there is definitely a reason why I take those pills.<br />
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One of the “upsides” to rapidly regaining weight after having my 2nd kid (I’m the only pregnant woman I know who has to work to not lose weight the entire pregnancy) due to extenuating circumstances is that it makes the ways it impacts your life really obvious. And the first and biggest thing that being extra fluffy does is make everything hurt. Your back, hips, knees and ankles are Not Happy. And I usually buy their forgiveness on the bad days with Advil so that I can sleep. I cannot do this right now. Bc NSAIDs increase bleeding during surgery. And not having them stinks. A lot. And bc melatonin is on the list of natural supplements that you have to stop pre op as well bc they can interact with drugs in the OR, I can’t even try just knocking myself out and sleeping through the pain. Which is to say I want a medal for getting me and 3 kids to church this morning on about 2.5 hours of sleep. <br />
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Whine whine moan whine carry on. Yes I would like cheese to go with my whine and okay I’m done.<br />
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JUST ONE MORE DAY, Y’ALL!!! One more!! We can do one!<br />
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I’m not excited about the pain of surgery but I am so excited to finally get this done. It almost doesn’t feel real that the day is almost really here but I’m amazingly ecstatic about it! Lol<br />
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Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-17487536069770643932019-01-06T01:11:00.001-07:002019-01-06T02:08:06.216-07:00On Congressmen, Religious Beliefs and Priorities OfI need to express my thoughts. I’ve seen a number of posts now on FB by people freaking out that some individuals were sworn into Congress using the Quran instead of the Bible (side note: one was sworn in on a law book which amused me to no small end) and the question that really set me off the most, I think, was one asking, “Do you really believe they have America’s best interest at heart?”<br />
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And I’m going to refrain from sharing my initial reply as it was both profane and inflammatory which is not conducive to the rest of my thoughts and start with: Yes. Because them saying they are Muslim no more makes them evil than you saying you’re Christian makes you Christlike. Lest we ever forget that both the KKK and Westboro Baptist both claim to be Christian organizations. But they are generally considered extremists and “not <i>real</i> Christians” by mainstream Christianity. Well, guess what? That’s how ISIS and the Taliban are viewed by most Muslims!<br />
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I feel for the Muslims when yet another news report about the extremists hits the TV like I feel for me when one of the “Mormon Separatists” groups hits the news. It’s this *facepalm and cringe*, “No, we are not related or remotely like those crazy psychos. So please, don’t lump us together”.<br />
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It reminds me of when JFK was elected and there were people freaking out because he was Catholic *Gasp & clutch pearls!* So clearly he was secretly an agent of the Vatican and would take orders from the pope and not put the American people first! Sound familiar?<br />
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That was 1960. This is 2019. We have to be better. Learn from it. Don’t repeat it.<br />
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One of the core tenents of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints as stated in the Articles of Faith (a document written by Joseph Smith for a newspaper article that asked what it was those “Mormons” believed) - Verse 11 states: “We claim the privilege of worshipping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may”.<br />
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I believe this and I will fight for this. For the respect and dignity of those good people in this world who worship whatever higher power they chose, or not as may be the case. Because I have not forgotten that once my people were not allowed this privilege. That once my people had an extermination order issued against them by the state of Missouri. That it was legal and encouraged to hunt down and kill members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints because of fear and bigotry. And we begged the President of the United States, Martin Van Buren, for relief and <i>he did nothing. </i>That because of this fear and this bigotry and misinformation, in the dead of winter, my people had to stage a mass exodus and leave their homes and flee a thousand miles across the plains to a desert on the coast of a dead salt lake to find sanctuary. I have not forgotten the thousands whose lives were lost on that trek.<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>“Farewell Nauvoo” by Glenn Hopkinson</i></span></div>
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So yes, I can believe that a good person who reads a different book of scripture and worships a different God can have American’s best interest at heart.Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-63303319502625361292019-01-05T22:47:00.001-07:002019-01-05T22:51:06.604-07:00Pre Op Liquid Diet: Day 12I’m on to them, y’all. They claim the pre op liquid diet is to shrink your liver so surgery is faster and easier and you have practice not eating when it comes time that eating a single bite could put you in the hospital. And yeah those are both partially true. The full truth tho is that they’re torturing you with a special hell known as nothing but protein shakes so that when you get a look at the comparatively lax post op liquid diet, it looks so gloriously varied and there’s just so many beautiful options, that it looks simply glorious and I bet their compliance rate goes through the roof. Bc let me tell y’all that the first time I got a look at this list of options*:<br />
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There was a whole lot of “please gag me with a spoon”. Now I’m like omg excited about puréed and strained soups which are usually my least favorite kind! Fat free canned cream of whatever soup- something I’ve never eaten straight before! Now I’m excited! Then I was like- That’s not something you eat straight, that’s an ingredient to a good casserole! Lol </div>
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Also post op they encourage us to make the protein shakes more flavorful. We can’t add fruit but we can purée with ice and add things like powdered peanut butter, sugar free syrups, cocoa powder or pumpkin pie spice! </div>
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And all these things I would have once turned my nose up at now all look and sounds gloriously amazing!! Like I can’t wait to have surgery so I can have all these amazing options!! LOL It’s wrong y’all. This is what 12 days of this diet have done to my mind! </div>
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I went to one of my family’s favorite bbq joints today and didn’t eat a single bite of anything. I kinda want a medal. Lol </div>
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2 more days. Just 2!! We can do this. 10 more shakes! I’m gonna make it! The end is near! But in a good way! Lol </div>
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*please note that’s not the full diet description that’s just 1 screen of 9 from that portion of the nutritionists presentation. </div>
Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-30380618907210964582019-01-03T22:22:00.002-07:002019-01-03T22:37:32.575-07:00Pre Op Liquid Diet: Day 10Only 4 days left on this round of liquid diet!! I am so sick of drinking these shakes that that number is really, very exciting!<br />
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Today to try to get my calorie count up where it should be I drank like 2 more shakes. And part of me is like going I should be “Yay Food” but it’s more like “Omg more of this crap?!” I really want more flavors but the issue I’m having right now is I wasn’t desperate enough to try the funky flavors before bc as I’ve mentioned I only drink these things usually a couple times a week and now that I am I can’t find them in the stores. Sams used to have a huge display with like 5-6 different flavors just of the Premiere shakes but they did away with it for the holidays and stripped it back to just chocolate and vanilla. In the last week I’ve searched Sams, Walmart and Costco to no avail. I’ll try Target next it’s just that there’s limits to the toddler’s patience. So far I’ve been avoiding powders bc I hate gritty, chalky more than words can tell but I may get that desperate and very soon.<br />
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I really can’t over state how much I don’t really like these things. I mean the “good ones” I still drink using a straw that I put at the back of my mouth and then chug it as fast as possible so I don’t have to really taste it. I am genuinely concerned about post op when I’m supposed to drink these things for 2 weeks but I won’t be allowed to use a straw, so I have to sip it and let it coat my whole tongue. And it’s going to take time bc my stomach will be a 150ml (approx 5oz) pouch and the shakes are more like 11oz. So that’s many sessions of sipping just to get down a single shake. I’m like can I add more protein powder to make it more concentrated so I don’t have to eat as much of this stuff?? I mean sure I could just starve and lose even more but I really do like my organs, muscles and hair etc so I’m not in a big hurry to have my body eat those instead of my fat.<br />
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I’m hopeful it will be okay for 2 reasons: 1. Post op lots of people’s tastes buds are different so maybe I won’t care! And 2. I ordered the starter kit from Unjury last night. It’s a medical grade protein my surgeon’s dietician highly recommends and it claims to be the best tasting protein. They have 2 prepared options and then a bunch of powders. Everything from strawberry to chicken soup. And let me tell you the savory options sound amazing. I’m so tired of sweet. So so tired. But so the kit has 2 of everything to taste and then I know what to order more of. Worst case scenario I got to have a bunch of variety which sounds glorious about now and best case, it really is better and I find something that’s actually Good and not just “good”. So *fingerscrossed*, y’all.<br />
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<b>Today’s Protein Shake: </b><br />
This is another chocolate option. I keep debating whether yesterday’s Premiere option or this one is my favorite chocolate so far and I can’t decide. The biggest difference is that one is 30g of protein and this one is only 20. Either way they sell both in the big cases at Costco and Sams!<br />
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UPDATE: <span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Oh and by the way I busted out the tape measure last night and I’m 1.25 inches down off my hips, waist, and upper tummy! (It wasn’t just in my head!)</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></div>
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<br />Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-688500821519976552019-01-02T23:05:00.001-07:002019-01-02T23:05:53.189-07:00Pre Op Liquid Diet: Day 9Only SIX days left of Liquid Diet Round 1! WHOOP!<br />
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Today we dealt with Pre Op Labs. My paperwork says 7-10 days before surgery I have to call the hospital and set up with them to go do my pre op labs. Well Day 10 was a Saturday, and then New Year's happen so today, Day 7 was The Day. So I called first thing this morning and they went "You wanna come in today or tomorrow?" This afternoon was clear so we made the voyage down there. 1 hour and 40 mins to pee in a cup, draw 4 vials of blood (these people have consistently good vampires for which I am grateful), do an EKG and get all my history and meds etc with an EXTREMELY crabby toddler along for the ride (there were fishies in registration and life was good, upstairs there were no fishies and life was not okay, even the phone and M&Ms would not make it okay. Apparently the girl likes her fish). Pro tip that will make your next EKG go nice and fast (as they should be) - make sure the individual leads are firmly plugged into the machine..... Word.<br />
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Also I sat down and started going through my mountain of paperwork I have accumulated from the doctor. And apparently I've been starving myself slightly more than necessary. I had it in my head that it was 500-700 calories a day. Apparently its actually 700-900 calories. Whoopsies. Had the rest of it right at least. In good news I haven't felt weak or shaky and no headaches in spite of my under-eating this week. I'm handling the taste of the shakes a little better today which is nice since I now have to make sure I drink 1-2 more of those a day than I was before. *sigh*<br />
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In my defense when I did my Pre Op Consult with the RN at the docs office and we went through that mountain of paperwork AGAIN, she said that if I was drinking the Premier shakes mostly I would mostly need like 3 of them instead of 5. She went so far as to say I could drink a half a one as a snack if I was starving. So I just went with it. I drank 3 shakes a day and if I was hungry I went with one of the 100 calorie alternate brand shakes to get me through to bed time. Having done the math myself just now at 160 calories each I HAVE to drink at least 4.3 of these things a day just to hit 700 so we're just gonna bless her heart on her math skills.<br />
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I am not a liquid diet person. I know there are people that drink protein shakes like ALL THE TIME. I am NOT those people. I do keep some in the fridge b/c I'm a single mother of 3 and sometimes when I'm running, I feed the kids and forget to feed me (at least I remembered the children, right??). And all the fast things are sky high in carbs and/or fat. And skipping meals gives me migraines so if I have to grab something and go the shake is the better choice usually. But thats a couple times a week max. Not 4-5 times a day. And I LOVE vegetables. And fruit. I really do. And I miss them so bad right now. Bad.<br />
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Surgery is ONE week from today, y'all!<br />
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<b>Today’s Shake:</b><br />
This shake has been my go to in the fridge for the last year shake. It has the most protein of any of the shakes I drink and the flavor is pretty decent. AND I can get it in the jumbo cases for cheap all the time at both Costco and Sam's Club.<br />
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<br />Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-893089589576177552019-01-01T22:48:00.002-07:002019-01-01T22:55:32.628-07:00Pre Op Liquid Diet: Day 8I apologize for not posting on Day 7 but it was New Years Eve. Also I was in a rotten mood about my eating. Day 6 I was thinking this diet wasn’t that bad now I had gotten used to it. Day 7 I hate it with a passion and would give all the things to eat some freaking vegetables. I mean pickles have almost no calories. Why can’t I have a damn pickle?!? *sigh*<br />
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Bc will power is a muscle that gets stronger when you exercise it and I’d rather exercise it now when screwing up means almost nothing vs sending me back to the hospital post op. Yes I am here to shrink my liver, but I am also here to practice before the big day. It’s sucks but if I had an alternative with an acceptable outcome I would be doing that and not this. So.<br />
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Day 8: I watched my family eat one of my all time favorite comfort foods. Onion dip and ruffles potato chips. I never make that unless I have a crowd to feed it to bc it it’s one of those rare foods that just short circuits my brain and I have extreme difficulty making myself eat a reasonable portion size of it. It’s one of the ultimate “just one more bite” foods for me. It was almost painful to not eat any of that. Not a single bite. But I did it. Even when my toddler was doing her best to literally shove food into my mouth, I just fed her and not me. Kid is a helluva food pusher. Lol But she’s 21 months and deep in the “Monkey See Monkey Do” phase and Mommy feeds her all the time so....<br />
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Today I had a hard time bc for some reason no matter which flavor I drank the chemical aftertastes of the shakes just seemed overwhelming and I had a hard time making myself consume the minimum calories. Had to remind myself my self control will get short circuited by my biology if I start actually starving myself instead of just severely restricting. Got my 3rd shake of the day down.<br />
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<b>Back Story: Part 1</b><br />
So how do you get to the point where you’re willing to pay someone to mutilate your guts and permanently screw with your digestive system? Well the first time I lost 55lbs I was 16 years old. I did it in like 3.5 months doing the Atkins thing. I even cheated on the weekends. But the weight fell off. Over the next year and a half I gained about 20 of it back. Then I started college, had a ridiculous series of injuries and a few other medical problems that led to me taking steroids for like a year and a half and the end result was all the weight I lost back plus another 25-30 pounds. And that’s basically the story of weight loss life. I have found a dozen ways to lose weight that work well for me. At least for a while. They all become less effective the longer I’m on them as my body ramps up the fight. All told I’ve lost 70 lbs, 60, 50, 40 twice, 30 a couple more times and 10-20 another close to a dozen times. Every single time the end result long term no matter how I fight it or what I do, the second I stop beating it off with a stick, even if I’m careful, it all comes back and it brings friends it met on vacation and I wind up 10-15 lbs heavier than when I started.<br />
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I’ve been flat out terrified the last 5 years or so to even try to diet bc I couldn’t afford to get any larger. I was way past the thresholds I had set as my “this far and no further” lines. Then I read this article on Cracked.com <a href="http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/fat-officially-incurable-according-to-science/">http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/fat-officially-incurable-according-to-science/</a> and I was mad. Then furious. Then depressed. Disbelieving. You name it. But I started reading the source articles. That was really depressing bc they’re annoyingly legitimate. But it started me seriously pondering surgery for the first time. <br />
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I’ll write more back story later. It’s past my bedtime. Y’all have a good night.<br />
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<b>Update! I forgot today’s shake!</b><br />
Actually I drank this yesterday. This is the best vanilla shake I’ve found so far: (read:the only one I can drink more than once). And it’s pretty decent. Reminds me of the old Slim Fast Protein Vanilla shakes I drank back in college in the early ‘00s. It’s pretty tasty but currently hard to find in large containers.<br />
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Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-5668187807846873262018-12-30T21:34:00.002-07:002019-01-01T22:49:34.420-07:00Upcoming Surgery - Pre Op Diet Day 6I've really been on this path for the last several years and I'll back story you later on this, I promise, but right now today here is whats up and what the plan looks like. Mostly to answer questions I've gotten over on my FB.<br />
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Today is Day 6 of my 14 Day Pre Op Liquid Diet. 6 days in the Hamburger Hallucinations seem to have stopped which is nice but I still miss eating.<br />
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<b>What does this liquid diet look like? </b><br />
Right now I can have water, tea, clear broth, sugar free jello and protein shakes. Basically the goal is zero carbs, zero fat but some protein and lots of vitamins to protect my muscles and organs. I could have a variety of non soda sugar free drinks but I find most of those NASTY and I don't drink coffee so thats my list. I can add lemon or lime to my water or if I want to I can infuse fruit if I get ambitious. So far I've been too lazy and afraid I'll be tempted to eat the fruit out of the infused water like I usually do.<br />
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<b>The Game Plan</b><br />
Right now, we do this liquid diet for another 8 days. On January 8th I will have surgery. The plan is a Sleeve Gastrectomy. I will have absolutely nothing by mouth the day of surgery. Surgery is Day 0. Day 1 & 2 after that I can have clear liquids. Water, broth, and sugar free jello. Then I get to do another 14 days of the high protein liquid diet. Basically the exact same thing I'm doing now. For 14 more days. *deep breath*. LOL Its so weird to not eat, y'all.<br />
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THEN after 14 days I get to upgrade..... to purees. Think non-chunky baby food (no smoothies). Ooooh ahhh. My blender is gonna get a heckuva work out, y'all. THEN after 2 weeks of that, I get to upgrade all the way to Mushy Chunks for another 2 weeks (its sad that that sounds completely amazing. I see my new InstaPot getting one heckuva workout). And THEN and only then can I maybe just maybe take a teeny tiny bite of REAL FOOD a solid 2 months after starting this lovely adventure. Mind you I'll only be eating roughly 1/4 cup of food at a time post op. The little pouch that is all that is left of my stomach is going to be a whole 150mL (approx 5 oz).<br />
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<b>Today's Shake:</b><br />
Also I feel compelled to document my .... adventures trying to find drinkable (in my opinion) protein shakes (only certain ones are approved by my doc). Here's todays candidate. I got it for free in a bag of samples from my doc. Its .... interesting. I'm glad I didn't pay money for it. If you're in to SUPER CONCENTRATED sugar free kool-aid fruit punch with a nice strong artificial sweetener "dry your mouth out and make you pucker face" aftertaste then I highly recommend it. Personally I'm gonna have to be REALLY, really tired of the milky kinda shakes before I drink one of these again. *shudder*<br />
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Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-42533324750528895332018-12-30T20:39:00.001-07:002018-12-30T20:39:07.032-07:00So its been a whileThis post is kinda a page break. Its been 3 years since I've posted on this blog. A few lifetimes have passed. I'm probably not going to give y'all a bridge. I'm sorry. I may or may not change my mind in the future. But I have words about this surgery thing I'm doing now so I'm going to blog about it.Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-66157765847394287052015-08-12T00:38:00.001-07:002015-08-12T00:47:46.326-07:00Familial Bullies<div>Earlier today I had an issue with a family member. Something was taken out of context and it has now been resolved and I have no hard feelings towards this person. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">M</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">y purpose in writing this is post is not to shame them but to examine my reaction and the logic and beliefs that lead to that reaction. And explore my feelings regarding feedback received on my reaction. So maybe I can sleep. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">--</span></div><div><br></div>I'm going to say things that are going to tick people off bc I am going to admit to a shocking fact: Like any other large group of people, my extended family contains a few bullies. That's not what we call them but that's what they are. <div><br></div><div>I was taugh as a child the correct way to react to these bullies is to not react. "They can't get your goat if they don't know where it's tied". And any reaction to a familial bully was regarded as failure. Either it's your fault bc you let them get your goat, or you stooped to their level by responding at all, so shame on you. You should know better and do better. Double shame if you stand up for yourself in a public forum. How dare you make the family look bad (bc bullying in public doesn't look bad at all). </div><div><br></div><div>And then you tell every single other person in the family and all of your friends what the bully did rather than actually discuss it with the offender to their face or call them on it. And everybody you tell is properly horrified hearing about how you were mistreated so your feelings get external validation from the whole world but not the bully.</div><div><br></div><div><div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Now here is the fun contradiction: I was also taugh that you should stand up for yourself to bullies at school. That was good. Particularly if it was physical. But somehow doing the same thing at home is bad and wrong. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Or maybe it wasn't so much "with family" as it is if the bully "uses words". If they're using words to beat you to death, you should just take it bc you're better than them. But if they use fists by golly punch 'em right back and harder. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Now that I say this out loud it's amazingly backwards. </span></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But I digress. </span></div><div><br></div><div>I've watched this pattern w my family for the last 30 years. I have decided it's grossly unhealthy. (Why yes I do have a keen mind for the obvious). Most of my extended family refuses to be in the same room w the rest of the family for anything less than a funeral. The majority of them moved as far as possible from the rest and regard it as an excellent mental health choice.</div><div><br></div><div>I completely understand their rationale but I do think that it's sad. </div><div><br></div><div>The rare few that have managed to maintain relationships with the difficult members of the family have been the ones that actually vocalize and are willing to challenge the bullies head on. </div><div><br></div><div>Well, there's one other option for those that stick around and that seems to be a couple who embrace their victimhood, learned helplessness and codependence, if we are calling it like it is. And today we are. I feel for them deeply and hope they get some therapy bc it's miserable to live in that place. </div><div><br></div><div>I've done a bit of all three. I started in the last group but thankfully got enough therapy and self esteem to get out of it mostly. I used to be a serious doormat. </div><div><br></div><div>I've flat out walked away for extended periods of time w my extended family relationships. I justify it as a mental health practice but I don't like it. </div><div><br></div><div>Bc at the end of the day these are people I love who are important to people who are important to me. And for better or worse there is an attachment there and it makes me sad when they are sad and lonely and don't understand why they are all alone. Bc they didn't get taught right. And they don't know how to have a healthy relationship and they're never gonna know if somebody doesn't teach them. </div><div><br></div><div>So basically, my compromise is this: I'm willing to stay in contact, on a more limited but not completely alien basis, but I'm standing up for myself. Every time. I'll deflect and keep it brief if at all possible. I want assertive but not drama. But if challenged, I refuse to back down. I believe in fighting fair so no name calling or insults, and rational arugement is required. And I will stand up for myself even if it means doing so in a public forum. Bc every time I've backed down, I've regretted it later. </div><div><br></div><div>(This is not to say that every person I stand up to is a big bully and I'm always right). </div><div><br></div><div>I dealt with quite a lot of bullying in middle school and high school. For years I diligently did my dead level best to do as I was taught and not let them get my goat and when they did, I blamed the victim, me, for allowing it to happen.* I cried a lot of tears at home. </div><div><br></div><div>The thing that actually worked? Challenging them head on. When I stood up for myself, they backed off. They never did it again. </div><div><br></div><div>Granted w a social bully it's a bit easier bc I don't care if I decimate the relationship. I shouldn't decimate them personally bc I don't want to be a bad person and they're children of God too. Even if it's gratifying...</div><div><br></div><div>But I think it takes more careful finesse when it's family bc you don't just want the bad to stop, you want the good to take its place. So scorched earth tactics are probably not your best bet. </div><div><br></div><div>I get an interesting mix of reactions to my compromise. Some cheer me on. Some have almost a crab bucket reaction- I'm shamed for stooping to their level by reacting to verbal bullies. How dare I challenge the status quo. Some tell me I shouldn't bother. I can't change anything. </div><div><br></div><div>But as much as I hope I can change things, it's more about being okay with me than it is with changing them. I have no control over them. If I give up and walk away, I give up an important part of me. I think my role in this life is to love, nurture and teach as best I can. It's hard to do any of those while shunning people. </div><div><br></div><div>I refuse to go back to the crab bucket and become a door mat once again. I have to stand up for myself. It's hard. It's not my first reaction for myself even if it's my very first reaction for somebody else. </div><div><br></div><div>So maybe I will have a positive influence and maybe I won't but I'll do it on my terms and I will endeavor to model positive, healthy boundaries for my kids. </div><div><br></div><div>And that's something I can live with. </div><div><div><br></div></div><div><br></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">*I think it's grossly wrong to blame the victim when they shouldn't be hunting your damn goat in the first place. That said, yes do try not to let them know your weak points if at all possible bc there will always be bullies but we don't have to make the butthead's job easy</span></div><div><br></div>Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-84312186388741366042015-08-10T20:13:00.004-07:002015-08-11T14:22:50.954-07:00Recipes: Veggies & Sides <span style="font-family: inherit;">If I were a food blogger this would get posted with gorgeous pictures and lots of directions, but I'm not! So I'm typing up some of my favorite recipes for my friend and I figured I would throw them up here for posterities sake (.... and so I don't lose them forever....). Apparently there are a lot so I will do them in batches and maybe someday I will come back and add pics like a big kid.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">And yes I would probably die if I couldn't have garlic and EVOO and I ALWAYS use kosher salt when I'm cooking. I'll use iodized when baking but its all kosher when I'm on the stove top. Just FYI.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Hiromi's Green Beans</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1 lb green beans, trimmed and rinsed</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1/2 medium onion, thinly sliced</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1-2 T EVOO</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1 tsp mustard seeds</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1 T Coconut Powder (that is not a typo, you get it in packets at the asian food store. I got mine at 99 Ranch Market)<br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Salt and pepper</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Blanch the green beans in salt water for 2-5 mins depending on your desired level of doneness. (I do not do an ice water bath to shock them, I just drain them). In a large skill it at medium high heat, add the mustard seeds to the pan and toast for 2 mins. Add 1 T EVOO to pan, add onion, salt & pepper, saute onions until golden. Add green beans and toss. Add coconut powder. Add salt to taste. I add the extra T of EVOO if I need it if things are dry while I'm cooking.<br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">These are seriously some of the best green beans I've ever had in my life and they reheat good so I tend to do them in like 2 lb batches.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">How I do Quinoa:<br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">1 c. quinoa (I prefer white) - well rinsed in a strainer</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">2 c Chicken broth (or 1 can)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">2 cloves garlic (you can increase or decrease this as desired)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1 T EVOO</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Rinse the quinoa well. Mince the garlic. Heat the oil in a small sauce pan. Once hot add the garlic and toast for 2-3 mins until toasted. Then add the quinoa and chicken broth. Cover. Bring to boil, reduce to simmer and cook until liquid is absorbed approx 15-20 mins. Fluff with fork. You can add all sorts of things to this to compliment your main dish. You can add basil or mint or arugula, chopped nuts (possibly toasted), whatever sounds good. Its a 2:1 ratio of </span>liquid<span style="font-family: inherit;"> to quinoa like rice. You can increase or decrease as desired to feed more people. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Wilted Garlic Spinach</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This is so good even my kids eat it. And my picky friends. My father insists it would be better with bacon grease over EVOO...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">1-2 T EVOO</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">2-4 cloves garlic minced</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Fresh spinach (LOTS AND LOTS. Buy the big bags or giant containers from costco)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Salt</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1/2 medium onion, small dice</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In a LARGE skillet or a big pot, heat the EVOO to medium high heat, add the onion, and start that cooking w/ a pinch of salt, then add the garlic when you get it chopped. Once the onion is nice and translucent and golden, add the spinach. If it all doesn't fit at once, add a lid, wait a couple minutes, add more spinach and toss until its all in there. Add kosher salt to taste as you go. Done!<br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Basic Green Beans/Asparagus</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">1 T Butter (optional, since I had Miss Dairy Allergy I skip it)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1-2 T EVOO</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1 can chicken Broth</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1 lb green beans or 1 bunch asparagus, washed and trimmed</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Melt butter in skillet w EVOO until its toasted and golden brown, Then add can of chicken broth, and green beans and pinch of salt. Cook until just fork tender. Adjust salt to taste. If its asparagus I like to have fresh lemon to juice or zest (or both) on top!<br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Roasted Broccoli</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Bunch of broccoli, washed and trimmed into florets</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">EVOO</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Salt</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Minced Garlic 2-4 cloves<br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Heat your oven to 400. On a baking sheet spread out broccoli, drizzle with EVOO, sprinkle w/ salt and garlic, toss with your hands. Bake in oven 30-40 mins until tender. It will get pretty brown in spots. Don't freak this tastes fantastic. My sister who HATES and gags over broccoli will eat a piece and say its okay.<br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Variation w the broccoli that I did earlier this week and they loved: B/c I didn't want to heat up the oven in the summer heat - EVOO & garlic in a pan, toast for 1-2 mins, then add broccoli and saute until brown at points, then add a can of beef broth and cover w/ a lid, braise until stalk is fork tender, serve. It was really good. My family chowed it down. Even Dad ate it.<br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Grilled/Roasted Veggies</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This is one of those recipes that expands and contracts and does make tasty leftovers, esp on sandwiches and salads, so you can make a lot and eat it over a couple days, so add more or less veggies to your desired size spread.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">1/2 - 1 Large onion cut in rings</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1-2 zucchini cut in 1/2 inch sticks or spears<br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">1-2 sweet peppers (red, orange, yellow, green take your pick of whatever looks good)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sliced portabella mushroom caps would also be excellent if you want more</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">EVOO</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Salt and pepper</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Optional toppings:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Basil</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">tomato</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">feta</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">balsamic vinegar<br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Roast the peppers under a broiler or on top of a gas burner or on a grill until skins are blackened, put in heat safe bowl, cover w/ plastic. Let cool in the steam until cool enough to handle. Use a paper towel and your hands to remove the skins. Remove seeds and stems and chop in slices.<br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The onions, zucchini and mushroom I slice to about 1/2 inch long slabs and drizzle w/ EVOO and a pinch of salt and pepper, then grill on both sides until tender w/ nice char marks (I usually do this w/ a grill pan on the stove b/c laziness).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">All the veggies go on a tray. I like to drizzle them with balsamic, salt, diced tomatoes, and sprinkle chopped basil and feta on top (or have those on the side and let the picky people top them as desired). These are good straight. They're great on wraps, sandwiches, in salads, you name it. And they keep very well.<br /> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">---</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Never before appreciated what a one trick pony I am with green veggies. lol. But considering I was raised w/ plain steamed (or frozen, or canned) w/ butter, this is sophisticated okay? lol </span><br />
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Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-13275713297730302232014-11-29T17:33:00.002-07:002014-12-04T14:05:30.297-07:00Jewelry Tools I Want/Need/HavePart of my Brain Dump on the Dream Office/Craft Room/Studio series (<a href="http://ilikesparklyobjects.blogspot.com/2014/11/my-dream-officecraft-roomstudio.html" target="_blank">Main Post</a>) is a running list of jewelry making tools and supplies I want/need/have:<br>
<br>
If I have all I want/need it it gets a **, If I have some/part it gets *.<br>
<br>
1. Bench Pin<br>
2. Third Hand<br>
3. Omni Visor*<br>
4. Jewelry Saw (and extra blades)<br>
5. Big Kick (plus dies)*<br>
6. Alcohol Inks*<br>
7. Vintaj Patinas<br>
8. ICE resin**<br>
9. Those super fine glitter powder/embossing powder things<br>
10. UTEE/Melt art<br>
11. Melt Pot for Melt Art<br>
12. Matte Medium<br>
13. Dapping Block<br>
14. Hammers/Mallets: Texture, Riveting**, standard**, chasing**, rawhide**,<br>
15. Vibratory Tumbler<br>
16. Disc Cutter<br>
17. Pasta Machine**<br>
18. Clay Oven (optional)<br>
19. Clay & Nonplastic storage*<br>
20. Wire (copper, brass, sterling, argentium, gold filled, Silver filled (?))*<br>
21. Sheet Metal (Copper*, brass, Sterling)<br>
22. Dremel*<br>
23. Mandrels (ring*, plus variety of straight sizes)<br>
24. Now Thats a Jig<br>
25. Bench Clamp<br>
26. Drill press<br>
27. Firing Blocks*<br>
28. Firing Tripod**<br>
29. Pickle Pot**<br>
30. Enamel Torch*<br>
31. Jewelry Torch<br>
32. Files/Reamers*<br>
33. Liver of Sulfur<br>
34. Enameling Powders*/Sifters*/KlyrFire*<br>
35. Pyrex Beakers<br>
36. Beads & Storage*<br>
37. Findings & Storage* (open/closed/locking jump rings, split rings, ear wires, head pins, lobster/toggle clasps, extender chains, chain, bead caps, metal beads, filigrees, blanks, snap sets,<br>
39. Black Project Trays and storage*<br>
40. Enamel Progress Trays<br>
41. Clay Tools (Tissue blade, rollers, work surface, mandrels, baking racks, plexiglass square).<br>
42. Faceted stones/Glass<br>
43. Calipers<div>44. Letter stamp sets (probably ImpressArt brand)<br>
<br>
<br></div>Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-1650388724845585952014-11-29T15:47:00.000-07:002014-11-29T17:35:54.381-07:00My Dream Office/Craft Room/StudioI have a fairly extensive (and growing) Pinterest board focused on ideas for my dream Office/Craft room/Studio. I'm realizing this space will take some serious planning so I wanted to a running brain dump I can update periodically as I plot so some day when I actually get to make this space it will be very well thought out b/c the amount of function and flexibility I'm going to need is not to be understated. This is a stream of consciousness conversation for personal use and may not make sense to anybody else. I'm added some separate posts w itemized lists of what I want so I'm adding links to my List Headers.<br />
<br />
1. Computer Space - I'm going to need room for my computer plus back up HD, plus printer & cutter and extra paper etc. W/ a dang good chair on wheels so I an roll it from station to station. Some work space next to it and probably storage for my binders and basic office supplies (probably close to my comfy chair b/c there will be lots of back and forth use btwn these two). This is going to be a nicer finished smooth surface b/c of the tech equipment. Over head shelves could hold the printer and cutter and binders etc?? Office supplies in drawers under? Big Idea/inspiration boards close by would be VERY helpful.<br />
<br />
Stacked space right next to the computer b/c both the Cameo and the printer/scanner will need to hardline into the machine at times. Scanner will need lots of top access to to put things in and out, so Cameo on bottom and Cameo will need pull out space b/c I'm going to need back access to feed rolls in to it. Large smooth area for the cameo to pull out to. Slide back into bottom corner nook when not in use. Printer just above it. Easy access to hardline for scanner usage and top shelf allows easy scanner access. Going to want lots of paper storage near by also vinyl storage and maybe scrapbooking papers all in the same place. Maybe left side of L has computer, corner has printer/cameo and right side of L is open space for cameo to spread out/photography to happen/order packaging and tons of storage above and below for all of the above and leads to comfy chair in corner.<br />
<br />
I'm also running a business here out of this corner so a scale and shipping supplies and storage here for packing orders quickly. Keeping of receipts and any money boxes and the square or whatever check books etc is wise. Filing cabinet space would be great for papers. I'm going to need a command center for incoming/outgoing mail/bills/shipments so the paper doesn't eat me. Big visible marker board to do list for quicky priorities/notes?<br />
<br />
2. <a href="http://ilikesparklyobjects.blogspot.com/2014/11/jewelry-tools-i-wantneedhave.html" target="_blank">Jewelry Space</a> - Wire storage, bench pin, saw, tumbler, hammers, disc cutter, mandrels, jig, clamp, drill press (maybe garage thing), torch space, Third hand, bits and files, black project tray storage, enameling project storage, bead/component/clay storage, pasta machine/clay oven, big kick, finished jewelry display, magnification, lighting, chemicals like pickle pot and antiquings and finishes and pyrex for mixing/using them. Lots of work in progress tray storage. Needs to be a separate surface from my large worktable and my computer area b/c the vibrations and pounding would be bad for the computer and a lot of this is not moveable or not very so it needs a dedicated area. A raw wood work surface wouldn't be a bad idea. Something fairly easy to replace when I trash it b/c with the hammering and drilling etc, this surface WILL get dissed. Slots for bench pin. Needs to be heavy duty to handle the weight and pressure of the equipment. Some combination of pegboard and shelving would probably be wise over head.<br />
<br />
Shelves for display pieces for storage of finished jewelry - So its all out and beautiful for people/students to come see, I take it down and put in containers to pull out for shows/table displays/ I can easily grab and wear for sale/promotion. Busts and Frames and Easels and wracks etc. Some nicer enclosed glass front cases for sterling items/rings.<br />
<br />
3. Crafting Storage - Yarn, crochet/knit tools, fine art supplies, vinyl, paint, sandpaper, paint brushes, sketch books, scrapbooking papers/cutters/scissors/supplies, cross stitch stuff, ribbon, washi tape, multimedia. I want this to be super easy to access and as visible as possible so I can see and easily access/remember what I have. But I'd prefer not to have to dust it constantly. ;)<br />
<br />
4. Large Worktable Space - I can use this to teach classes. I can use this for big projects like quilts and fabric cutting and doing batches of board painting etc. I can sew on top of here if I have a place to store my machines separately when they are not in use. Tons of storage underneath it. I can make beads here. If my fire set up is moveable I can set it here when I need it. If I can make my photography stuff easy to move in and out I can set up photography here. Big space with awesome lighting day and night. I'm okay if the table gets paint all over it b/c thats what a work table is for. Need to make strategic knee room so legs don't hit the storage shelves under. Cut outs or over hang?? Hmmm??? Perhaps drop sides for space friendly flexibility?? Access all around? Or folds/rolls out from wall to center of room as needed?? Flips down from wall when needed??<br />
<br />
5. Comfy Chair Corner (Chaise Lounge anyone??) I need a comfy place to sit and brain storm.<br />
<br />
6. Sewing Space - sewing machine, serger, tools, fabric storage, pattern storage, cutting board/ruler, sewing basket<br />
<br />
7. Place for another person to sit and visit (or desk chair that can roll around to all my spaces plus the comfy chair should cut it). Folding chairs for classes. Those store easy (elsewhere).<br />
<br />
8. Kid corner. Little table and chair, maybe folding, maybe w/ the easel, so they can craft with Momma? A box or two of dedicated kid crafting supplies?<br />
<br />
9. Photography space/storage - I need to be able to take pics of stuff quickly and easily in order to post them in online stores. If this doesn't store easily close to the computer would be smart b/c its all going to get edited and put online. Big roll of white paper for back drop. Flexible b/c I need to photograph larger things like signs, that aren't as demanding and tricky, down to shiny silver jewelry that is HIGHLY demanding and tricky. Storage for lights, easel, soft box for jewelry. Perhaps lights can do double duty for craft show tents???<br />
<br />
10. General - Hard floors are smart. Tile or preferably laminate, nothing delicate. Maybe a small rug but probably not b/c I don't want anything to impair my wheelie chairs ability to roll around from station to station. I like white for the furniture/shelving with a color on the walls. I need something cheerful and inspiring. A beautiful, happy color with lots of accents. Neutral flooring. Tons and tons of lights from a million angles. I like options. Fan is good. I need to make sure I have enough space for not only everything I have, but everything I plan to have and lots of work in progress storage so its easy to clean and keep clean b/c I have a place for everything and everything can be in its place. I'm an ADHD multi crafter. I need to be able to jump from project to project easily. I need visible labels EVERYWHERE. Only way I'll survive.Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-51034916492928865812014-05-28T23:32:00.003-07:002014-05-28T23:58:21.732-07:00The Cancer FilesStupid people make me blindingly angry. I realize this is fairly common. Why should I be any different than the rest of you?<br />
<br />
But my Facebook news feed gives me daily exposure to a very specific kind of stupidity, one that seems to occur in otherwise highly intelligent individuals, and in an area I care very deeply and passionately about and it makes me a little bit crazy. And every so often it boils up and I have to rant about it for a while and all of my immediate circle are very tired of hearing me preach to the choir and thus its your turn blog friends.<br />
<br />
I wanna talk about cancer. The Big C. Its everywhere. Everybody knows somebody who has had it, or they've had it themselves. Its ALL OVER the news. I swear theres a new headline every day. And believe me, I get it.<br />
<br />
My parents, between the two of them, have had cancer FOUR times. No, to the best of our knowledge, they did not at any point grow up playing in toxic waste.<br />
<br />
I need to shoot down, rant about, nitpick and otherwise ruminate on a couple of things I've seen online that just make mah eye start twitchin'.<br />
<br />
<b>1. "We spend all this money trying to cure cancer. Why haven't we found a cure already?"</b><br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fine! Here's some more but I expect results by morning!</td></tr>
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<br />
The profound ignorance of these individuals is revealed in the very nature of the question. The big problem and the reason why we haven't found "the cure to cancer" is because "Cancer" is not one disease. Its a whole category of illnesses, many of which have about as much in common with each other as the common cold does to the ebola virus (i.e. "barely harmful" to "kill you dead before we can even look at ya").<br />
<br />
You're not fighting ONE disease. You're fighting THOUSANDS. And every one of them has a different cause, course, vulnerabilities and treatment plan. Sure there are similarities between many of them, mercifully, so we don't have to completely reinvent the wheel every time but sadly the differences are vast.<br />
<br />
So yes we spend lots and lots and lots of money trying to "cure cancer". Because we aren't just trying to cure one thing, like polio. That was one illness with one specific cause and we dumped a bunch of money on it and we kicked that things tush! It was awesome. This is a couple thousand different polios. Its gonna take A LOT of money and resources and time. But these are lives we are talking about so its worth it.<br />
<br />
<b>2. "Fill in the blank causes cancer in white rats! BEWARE! NEVER EAT/DRINK/TOUCH THIS POISON AGAIN!!!"</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Poor little sucker...</td></tr>
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<br />
I hate fear mongering. I hate it with a passion. Don't go Chicken Little on me friends. If something causes cancer in white rats that is worth noting. However, its more than slightly terrifying the number of things that can cause cancer in white rats. So many, you'd lock yourself in a little bubble in a padded room if you tried to avoid them all and then you'd worry that the bubble was off gassing something and is the paint on the walls under the pads the right kind??!!<br />
<br />
I jest but I do believe there has to be a balance. I cannot live my life in fear.<br />
<br />
Understand that LOTS of things cause cancer in white rats, but for those in the research world, this is merely something of interest to be researched further because quite often they have to give those poor little white rats INSANE amounts of whatever it is to cause that cancer. They are exposing them at concentrations that considering our much larger size and exposure to a much wider range of factors, we would never in a million years come close to matching. Also keep in mind the VERY important point that <i>people are not white rats </i>and thus lots and lots of drugs die on the drawing board because they don't make the jump from helping white rats to helping actual humans and likewise many substances that give white rats cancer, humans laugh at.<br />
<br />
So when we find something else that causes cancer in white rats, the white coats all go, "Interesting, lets investigate further and see if there is really something here". Its the STARTING point for research, not the "OMG CALL OUT THE ARMY THE WORLD IS OVER" point.<br />
<br />
That said, once we have accumulated a pile of evidence that supports that not only does X cause cancer in white rats, we also have good evidence that it causes cancer in people, by all means PLEASE avoid it. My Mom had skin cancer, I won't be caught dead tanning. I'm not about to start smoking either.<br />
<br />
<b>3. "Do/Don't eat/drink/smoke fill in the blank! It cures cancer/asthma/diabetes! Its the secret BigPharma doesn't want you to know!!"</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Perfect! Now eat this 3 times a day, forever, and nothing else and you'll live to be a million!</td></tr>
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This is the one I find most insulting. I'm insulted on behalf of my parents and all the other <b>amazing</b> employees of MD Anderson Cancer Center. I know there are many, many, many other cancer centers around the world. Amazing people, fighting the good fight. But MD Anderson is the one I am most intimately acquainted with so I'll use them as my example. I first walked its halls when I was 8. And my Mom had leukemia, one of the really nasty varieties that kills most adults right about the time you figure out whats wrong with them. <i>And they saved her. </i>Its been almost TWENTY FOUR YEARS since she should have had about six weeks. My Mom is a nurse now in the clinic where she was a patient all those years ago. Her doctor still works there. Thats how much he cares about ending cancer.<br />
<br />
Do you know how hard it is to work in a cancer center? 40% of the people that walk through their doors will not be alive in 5 years. That is not because they are not extraordinary at what they do, its because they are the people that invent the protocols that the rest of the world uses. They're on the front lines, taking the worst cases. And it is HARD on their staff. Its a war where almost half their people die. And the turn over rates for the staff is HUGE, because it is brutal. They want to help so badly, but it takes a desperate toll on these people to try and fail to save people, day after day.<br />
<br />
<b>And you're going to tell me that those doctors and nurses are sitting on the magic bullet, the miracle cure, just because they want to help BigPharma make a buck. I want to spit in your face on their behalf.</b><br />
<br />
Just to be clear - MD Anderson is part of the University of Texas system. Its a PUBLIC SCHOOL. This is a state institution. These people aren't in it for the money. If they wanted the money, they would work private sector. They have to have some of the best security in the world to keep the private sector from stealing their research and patenting it and charging millions for what they want to share with the world.<br />
<br />
If you tell me theres a big conspiracy thats blocking the research I will tell you those doctors don't know the meaning of the word "No". If they think there is something there they will go after it. They even track all those "miracle cures" and watch for effects and interactions because they know their poor patients are gonna go home and try them because they're desperate and they want to hedge their bets, and the problem is some of those powerful natural medicines ARE POWERFUL and they do interact with the drugs the docs are giving them and sometimes those interactions can kill people. Sometimes its harmless and sometimes its beneficial. And if its beneficial you better believe they jump on that band wagon. They had my Mom taking probiotics 20 years before anybody else had ever heard about such a thing.<br />
<br />
So if you really think that drinking wheat grass or not eating meat or turning around 3 times before I lay down is going to cure cancer or keep yourself from getting it, have fun trying. I understand cancer is scary and we all want to do something to keep the boogie man from getting us. But don't try to sell it to me. I'll just get angry. You want to sell me on something you'd better have a boat load of evidence and a far more compelling argument than "They say" and "Its natural". Its natural to sit naked in a tree and eat raw meat. Everything else is personal preference. Sell your voodoo to somebody else.<br />
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<br />
... And there my husband goes, simplifying my world. He reads over my comments and offers this wisdom: "Yeah. People are stupid. Thus endeth the lesson". LOL<br />
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I feel better now. Thanks for listening. So what arguments from otherwise intelligent people on Facebook make you twitch?Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-16674409799236539562013-09-12T01:15:00.000-07:002013-09-12T01:15:29.716-07:00Rachel's Birth StoryWell almost four weeks ago I gave birth to the most gorgeous little girl in the world and I really want to record her birth story before the sleep deprivation erases the details from my memory. lol<br />
<br />
To really get the feel for the thing I need to do a quick refresher on Caleb's birth for comparison purposes because the single biggest thing I can't get over is how dramatically different it went and how much better I liked it this time around.<br />
<br />
When I had Caleb I woke up at 5:45 am for yet another trip to the restroom, laid back down and had a contraction. But this time, for the first time ever, the contraction hurt. And I was like "Is that what I think it is??" So I grabbed my alarm clock and started timing things to see if I needed to wake people or not. I had 4 contractions and then my water broke! So we headed into the hospital and it was raining that morning so half the valley went into labor and it was CROWDED. So I was stuck in hell (also known as OB Triage) FOREVER.<br />
<br />
It took them FOREVER to start my IV and by then I was in so much pain I couldn't hardly pay attention to whatever obnoxious thing they were doing to my arms, which was good since it took them FIVE tries (and one blown vein) to get the dang thing started. Then we had to wait for 2 bags of fluid before they would let me have my epidural. Then we had to wait longer b/c they wouldn't start my epidural until I was in the actual Labor and Delivery Suite b/c its hard to switch beds when you can't so much move your legs effectively.<br />
<br />
So by the time I FINALLY got into the room and my epidural started I didn't know I could hurt that bad and not die/lose consciousness. No fun I tell you.<br />
<br />
Hours of pain and I only went from 4 cm to 5 cm. But once I got that epidural (which is an invention straight from God in Heaven) and I totally relaxed I went from 5 cm to 10 cm in like an hour and a half!<br />
<br />
Then the pushing started. And went on FOREVER. Which was okay initially b/c hell once I had that epidural I can do that shiz all week. But the problem was that Caleb had a 14.5 inch head (95th percentile) PLUS he apparently had his little fist in front of his face. So I had to get a couple shots of pitocin to make me contract harder and pushed for a solid hour to FINALLY get that kid out.<br />
<br />
Then the problem was that my body was so exhausted from all that pushing that it didn't want to contract again to deliver the placenta and then contract the final time and stay contracted so I don't bleed to death. So I bled. A lot. It was bad. Not quite blood transfusion required bad, but close. I didn't appreciate just how much I bled until this time when I didn't hardly bleed at all and then I'm like "Oh now I know why they were freaking out last time".<br />
<br />
So compare that drama of pain and agony and bleeding followed by MONTHS of God awful exhaustion (that at the time I thought was just normal "I just had a baby" tiredness) to this time around.<br />
<br />
This time around I'd been having contractions pretty much non stop for the last 2 months. They weren't productive but they were obnoxious (about a 4-6 on the pain scale usually).<br />
<br />
So the hospital finally calls me in for my induction around 4:30 pm (after waiting anxiously alllllll night and day for them to call). And we get there and I walked myself in (no wheel chair required) and we did paper work and a copay and were shown directly into the Labor and Delivery suite. Totally by passed L&D Triage, which is awesome b/c the beds in there are NOT comfy, there's no windows and those rooms are TINY.<br />
<br />
I got set up with my IV, which they started ON THE FIRST TRY! Which is nothing short of AWESOME b/c we had repeats of the "get stabbed 3-5 times and they blow at least one vein" experience during my multiple hospital visits for preterm labor so I was very scared. So they get my IV on the first try and b/c I was group B strep positive this time they started me on IV antibiotics. They make you get two doses 4 hours apart before they'll start the pit drip. So the first part was very boring. Just sitting there watching my IV drip.<br />
<br />
I will say those antibiotics BURN like fire. Like I called the nurse in a hurry b/c I was like "Is this supposed to hurt or is something horribly wrong??" She turned it down so it was uncomfortable but not omg painful.<br />
<br />
So after staring at the IV dripping for hours and having a shift change, my new nurse asked my opinion on the epidural - did I want one and when. My response was "I want it as soon as you can give it to me. I've been in pain for months now and anything you do will only increase that so I'm ready to be out of pain". She looked at me, blinked and went "No problem!" and 20 mins later I was getting my epidural!<br />
<br />
I was definitely more aware of the epidural this time. Last time I was in so much agony I didn't so much notice what was going on behind me except he was pushing on my back and that was kinda annoying but otherwise who cares? This time I definitely felt everything but other than the first stick (to numb me) it didn't hurt at all. Was just ... odd. Went in fast and easy so that was nice.<br />
<br />
I initially was not a fan of my anesthesiologist. He came in right as I was sitting up and getting into position for the epi, during which my blood pressure cuff got twisted on my arm and then immediately started to inflate and then b/c it was twisted it did that thing where it blows up great big, starts to deflate, gets an error, blows back up, starts to deflate, error and then blows up again. By the 3rd time with it twisted and cutting into my arm I was like screaming in pain and ripped the damn thing off b/c the nurse wasn't fast enough hitting the abort button.<br />
<br />
Well the doc walks in right as I rip the cuff off and starts lecturing me on how I have to leave the damn thing on and if I don't leave it on I don't get my epidural. I was less than pleased to be lectured like a small child. I tried to explain but he just kept chiding me and I'm like "I will happily keep the damn thing on for the whole time, I just need it straightened out so its not cutting into my arm!!" He calmed down after a bit and we got along by the time he was finished. Actually kinda liked the guy once he stopped lecturing me.<br />
<br />
I got a really HUGE bruise from that damn cuff. Like 3 inches wide by 7 inches long on the back side of my arm. I should have taken a picture. It was epic. Every nurse who saw it over the next couple days when they would check my vitals freaked out over it.<br />
<br />
But that was pretty much the extent of my trauma this time around, so really I can't complain too much.<br />
<br />
So once we got the epi in place, they started the pitocin and they came in and broke my water and stuck a intrauterine contraction monitor in there - not the kind that sticks to the baby's head, but something that looked like a long plastic zip tie strip b/c they were having a hard time getting my contractions on the monitor with the belly band. I didn't feel a dang thing so I was cool with it. They also stuck this big rubber peanut ball between my knees to keep my legs apart to help the baby descend which was new for me this time around. It worked, for the record.<br />
<br />
An hour later the nurse came in to up my pit again and I asked if she was going to check me (I was at 4 cm when it started) and she said no b/c my contractions weren't that impressive on the monitor yet. But she said to call if I felt a bunch of pressure or anything. So about 10 mins later I was feeling LOTS of pressure so I called the nurse and she came into check me. And this time instead of being 4 cm and -2 station, I was at 9 cm and 0 station! The nurse was like "You weren't kidding when you said you go fast!!"<br />
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So they called the doc and let things keep cooking in the mean time. I started to have some discomfort, like period level crampiness in the midsection at one point so they pushed the button to give me a bonus shot on the epi. Worked great.<br />
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It was an interesting experience to have labor but no pain this time. B/c while I was finally pain free for the first time in months, which was absolutely lovely, I could tell I was still in labor b/c man did I get TIRED and rather shaky. I'm like "I might not feel it but my body is definitely still working b/c something is wearing me out".<br />
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They started doing all the final count down preparations and kept a very nervous eye on my south end b/c apparently they could all see her head crowning but they weren't quite ready yet (it was midnight almost and they had to wake my poor doc up). Once everything was in place and I got the go ahead I pushed one time and she all but fell out! I only needed one stitch this time "for cosmetic purposes"!<br />
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Compared to pushing for a solid hour and ripping to kingdom come and getting a million stitches, that was AWESOME to push ONCE and tah dah!<br />
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Rachel did have the cord around her neck twice but the doc got it off super quick and she cried right away, nice and loud, which is always a welcome relief in a delivery room. She looked great but was a little blue initially but she pinked right up and had 8/9 apgars which was way better than Caleb's inital scores so that was another relief.<br />
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My biggest problem was that I was shaking uncontrollably after I had her. I was fine, I just couldn't stop shaking. Side effect of the meds plus the trauma of delivery. No biggie.<br />
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So having gone into labor naturally one time, and having an induction the second time, I have to say I am 100% in favor of my induction. I LOVED skipping the pain entirely and this delivery went SO much better. I do think it helped that her head was 2 inches smaller and she was a whole pound lighter than her brother, plus it was my second kid.<br />
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The most amazing thing to me tho in all of this was how much better I felt (and continue to feel) after having her. For starters all of my horrible pregnancy symptoms (the heart palpitations and nausea) are GONE and I actually have a surprising amount of energy. In talking with other women who hemorrhaged (or people who had friends who hemorrhaged) - I think it was actually the almost bleeding to death thing the first time around that made me a zombie for months after I had Caleb b/c I feel shockingly good this time around and I'm just plain grateful!Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-29620325047480481242013-05-15T01:28:00.000-07:002013-05-15T01:28:16.417-07:00Online PrivacySo I've recently been made aware of individuals who criticize the extent to which I share information on my blogs and Facebook accounts. Apparently the main objection is oversharing in a public forum b/c its "online and everybody can see it".<br />
<br />
And so I have had Online Privacy on my brain and in a lot of ways, I do think "Online Privacy" is an oxymoron. I live in a house. I use banks and ATM cards. I've owned credit cards in the past. I use utilities, cell phones and the internet in a post-9/11 America. Thanks to the Patriot Act I have no delusions that ANYTHING I do is actually, really truly private.<br />
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If I was REALLY worried about privacy I think I would have to live in a wooden shack I made myself with materials I smuggled to an undisclosed location that I definitely do not own in the middle of no where and rely strictly on cash and avoid any and all technology or paperwork. Then you MIGHT be able to keep Big Brother from tracking you. Maybe. Odds are you'd probably just get put on a watch list.<br />
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No, I don't think I need to go don a tinfoil hat or anything but I think anybody who lives in a house and uses credit cards and phone lines or the internet is deluding themselves if they think they have any REAL control over who reads their stuff.<br />
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I fully expect everything I post online is probably getting routed through some server somewhere where an algorithm reviews its content to check for something that could be threatening to the public safety and if flagged then probably gets reviewed by some poor analyst some where who attempts to determine if the threat is legit. Maybe I could be over stating the power of Big Brother, but I think I'd rather assume that he's watching and be wrong that assume he's not watching and be wrong again.<br />
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My father taught me when I was a kid to make absolutely sure I never put anything in writing I wouldn't want posted in the village square. And by and large I have taken that advice to heart. So as much as I do overshare with the world (I fully admit I am a blunt person prone to sharing more than some of my more conservative friends and family), believe it or not there is A LOT that I think and feel that doesn't get posted in a public forum.<br />
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Why? Most often its because it could be hurtful to certain individuals should they come across the post. And believe it or not I try very hard not to stomp on other peoples feelings. I don't always succeed but I do apologize when its made known to me that I screwed up.<br />
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Occasionally it has more to do with the opinion not being very PC and while I will take some liberties with political correctness, I do respect the internets ability to keep anything alive forever <i>somewhere </i>and I'd like to not completely toast my chances at landing a job should I need to go hunting for one in the future.<br />
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However, I would also like to point out that as much as I think its a joke to think that Big Brother is not watching, I do take advantage of Facebook's Privacy filter. B/c while Big Brother might be watching, I definitely don't want to make it easy for Joe Blow to stalk me online. In that way I do think its possible to have some small measure of "Online Privacy", if only from my fellow netizens.<br />
<br />
I am very familiar with FB's privacy settings and have carefully reviewed all of them and use most of them. Probably 95% of what I post on FB is Friends Only. And while I've got a big friends list, only about 9 of those people I have not actually met in real life. I know some people "friend farm" and will friend anybody, but almost everybody I'm friends with on FB are people I know from high school, college, my mission or places I've lived.<br />
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So keep in mind, that while you might think I'm oversharing in my FB status updates - not just anybody can see it. In fact some of my status updates I limit to a much smaller list of close friends and family. I am aware that anybody could surf to my blog and see it and therefore try to be a bit more judicious in my posting of close personal information. I also don't post when I'm out of town online until I get back as an added security measure (unless of course Adam is still at home b/c then someone is still in my house so whats the diff?).<br />
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I don't allow FB access to my GPS on my phone. I don't check in at places 99% of the time b/c I don't want to paint a target that says "Hi I'm not at home right now, please go rob me".<br />
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So I'm more private than you might be aware, but if I share more than you are comfortable with I will state the following:<br />
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I'm a stay at home Mom. My poor husband is one of the only outlets to my ranting and I do in fact talk his ear off but its still not always enough to help me feel better. So FB is how I connect with my friends (quite a few of them are fellow stay at home Mom's) and we lend each other a sympathetic ear. It helps. A lot.<br />
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Also, as I stated when I first started this blog, I'm not blogging for fame or fortune, I am blogging as a therapeutic outlet, so this thing is going to read a lot like a journal.<br />
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Why don't I just buy a journal? B/c for some reason sending my thoughts out into the great cosmos of the internet is somehow infinitely more cathartic than putting it on paper and locking it away on a shelf somewhere. I don't know why, I just know that it is. And I do check my stats so I have no delusions that anybody is really reading this blog. I occasionally get a little spike on a post that I cross post to FB and then my stats go right back to dead. And I'm okay with that.<br />
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I just know if I write it down in a journal, A. I can't write fast enough, handwriting is annoying and SLOW to me. I've tried typing things up instead and while that helps the speed I'm still left with problem B: After I'm done, I don't feel 100% better. I still feel like I need to talk to somebody and process more. I have no idea why posting to a blog is so cathartic to me but it is.<br />
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So its oversharing on the internet or emotional constipation and emotional constipation breeds all sorts of problems for me and I refuse to do it any longer (I used to have SERIOUS problems in that area). So long story short, if you don't like it suck it up. If I hurt your feelings please tell me and we'll talk about it. If you think I'm jeopardizing my safety or the safety of my family, please talk to me b/c I'd like to understand and discuss your rationale.Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-89584128036474261442013-05-02T00:02:00.000-07:002013-05-02T00:10:48.364-07:00Gun SafetyI really need to rant right now. So I'm gonna do it here and just let my soap box rip until I get it all out and feel better. Fair warning I am 24 weeks pregnant and have a wicked case of the hor-moan-ies (think My Big Fat Greek Wedding) so this maybe more ... virulent than my usual ranting (yes its possible. I think).<br />
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Lemme give you some context. I saw THIS story in the news today:<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><a href="http://news.yahoo.com/5-old-boy-shoots-2-old-sister-ky-161229579.html" rel="nofollow nofollow" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">http://news.yahoo.com/5-old-boy-shoots-2-old-sister-ky-161229579.html</a></span><br />
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If you're too lazy to click thru and read it (and really I can't blame you there) the gist is that a <i>5 year old </i>who <i>has his very own .22 caliber rifle</i>, shot and killed his 2 year old little sister on accident. His parents left the gun down where he could get it b/c they thought it was unloaded.<br />
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A FIVE (5) YEAR OLD had a 22 caliber rifle. The rifle is made for kids. He's had it for over a year.<br />
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Ya know I can get my mind around the existance of a .22 rifle made and sold for kids. Its important to have a gun that you are comfortable using. Its safer that way. Maybe you really like to take your 8 year olds target shooting, or a really small 12 year old could use it.<br />
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But really WHO ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH thinks its a good idea to give a 4-5 year old a REAL gun?? Hell, I wouldn't let my kid have a bebe gun until he's AT LEAST 6 and probably closer to 8. Its a weapon. I'd like my kid to be old enough to have some judgement.<br />
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My father was a police officer. I have been raised around guns my whole life. I like guns. I'm a big fan of my 2nd Amendment rights but that story just blew my fricking mind. I had gun safety drilled into my little head from a very young age.<br />
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RULE #1: You NEVER, EVER point a gun at another living thing unless you intend to kill it. I don't care if its loaded or not. If you want to play cops and robbers, go get a plastic toy gun and go to town. Real guns ONLY get pointed at real bad guys.<br />
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I think that disturbs me the most - the fact that these people apparently let their kid PLAY with a REAL gun like it was a toy. A real gun is a weapon. It is a very dangerous tool. Like a chain saw. Chainsaws are very useful tools but you'd better make sure you know what you're doing and that you use it with the utmost respect at all times b/c the one time you don't it will kill you with out even trying.<br />
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They left the gun down where the kid could get it because "they thought it was unloaded". That blows my mind as well. Another rule my Dad GROUND into me was to ALWAYS assume a weapon is loaded unless you have personally verified that it is NOT. They assumed. They had to have. If you're going to be dumb enough to let your kid play with a real gun like it was a toy, I would assume you'd at least be <i>religious</i> in making sure to unload it after firing. And clearly they didn't teach their kid basic gun safety b/c he didn't check either because its a toy and its down low therefore it must be safe...<br />
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I see lots of different debates on how to keep guns in the home safely. Lots of people in favor of keeping the guns in one place with the ammo someplace completely different. Everything is locked up in safes and even has trigger locks on top of that.<br />
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I think thats just plain dumber than a box of rocks. If I ever have a gun safe its because I have so many guns I like to lock up the spares to keep them safe from robbers. Thats about all I think a gun safe is good for. My father raised us in a house full of guns and he kept them all loaded at all times (well, all the handguns are always loaded. The rifles usually have a loaded magazine there with them). And I think that was the safer option. And I'll explain why in a moment.<br />
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In my personal philosophy guns have 3 purposes. First and foremost, my gun exists to protect me and my family. Second thing guns are good for is hunting and the final is target shooting for fun and practice (so I can be prepared to protect my family).<br />
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If the bad guy is breaking into my house in the middle of the night, its going to be dark, I'm going to be scared. My adrenaline is going to be pumping and my hands are going to be shaking. I do not want to have to fiddle with keys and combinations, and go to multiple places and have to assemble and load my gun before I can use it to save my child's life. Thats asking for it. An unloaded gun is worthless.<br />
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I also think an unloaded gun is more dangerous to your kids and here's why: Kids think an unloaded gun is safe. If you make a habit of leaving them unloaded, then its something safe to touch and look at and the one time its NOT unloaded you have a horrible accident. I knew every gun my father owns is loaded. Why? Because its a weapon and needs to be prepared to shoot the bad guy at any moment. That means I NEVER EVER touched one when I was little.<br />
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I was taught from the time I was small enough to remember that if I managed to find one of Daddy's guns I should not touch it and run and tell Mom or Dad that I found it. Then they would move it. Dad is a smidgen paranoid as a result of his profession so he keeps them strategically stashed around the house.<br />
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This was gospel doctrine as far as I was concerned. You don't run out in the street. You don't poke things in the electric outlets. You don't touch Mommy's knives in the kitchen and you do NOT touch Daddy's guns.<br />
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I'd watched him clean them and he would point out the parts and show me how it was put together so it wasn't mysterious or anything but I understood that if I touched it me or somebody else could get bad, bad owies. And he would teach me how to use it when I was bigger.<br />
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I remember the very first time I ever touched one. I had managed to find one on accident (because kids get into EVERYTHING) and went and told Dad, I was probably 5 at the time. And he shocked the life out of me by telling me to bring the gun to him. I was like, "Say what???" And he told me to pick it up by the handle, keep it pointed directly at the floor and bring it to him. It was maybe 20 feet. I remember being absolutely shocked by how heavy it was. lol.<br />
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And he did keep his promise to teach me how to use them when I got older. In fact, he made sure my mom, sister and I were trained to use every single weapon he had because a weapon you don't know how to use, you can't protect yourself with. We started off with my cousins bebe gun when I was a kid and moved up slowly to larger rifles and hand guns as I was big enough and strong enough to safely use them. Good gun safety was an absolute must if you wanted to be allowed to touch the guns. They were great fun but they were deadly serious.<br />
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We were taught you never, ever point a gun at a person you don't want to kill, loaded or not. Because even if its not loaded, you don't want to get in the habit of pointing them at people because you're leaving yourself open for an accident. It only takes once.<br />
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Unless you are aiming at a target you keep that gun pointed at the ground at all times. If its set on a table, the muzzle is pointed away from people. I'd sooner drive with my eyes closed than wave around a gun, loaded or not.<br />
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You never even put your finger inside the trigger guard unless you are aimed and ready to fire at your target. There are more rules but I will stop there.<br />
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And every single time we went shooting, we'd gather the guns that were going with us. Then was the ritual of unloading of the good ammo. Dad keeps really expensive ammo loaded in the guns for defense purposes.<br />
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Hollow points are my preferred bullet for defense because the problem with a regular bullet is it can go through the bad guy, through the wall, and hit the innocent person in the next room. This is bad. Hollow points hit the bad guy or the wall and thats where they stop. They do lots and lots of damage to the bad guy b/c they fully transfer all of their kinetic energy to your target. But they're expensive so we always switched out for cheaper rounds for practice.<br />
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Then we'd go shooting. And that was so much fun. I'm very proud of my ability to blow the heck out of the center of the target. And I definitely feel safer and more confident knowing that I can defend myself if I had to. Occasionally growing up we'd get people who resented a bunch of girls intruding into their Man Territory at the gun range. They'd shut up once they saw us shoot tho... ;)<br />
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Then when we came home was the ritual cleaning of the guns and then reloading with the expensive ammo and replacing them in their various homes.<br />
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We never once had trigger locks or gun safes and we were safe growing up because my Dad taught us excellent weapons safety rules as was appropriate for our age and abilities.<br />
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<br />Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162236797791629080.post-8692951325213217422013-04-18T22:41:00.001-07:002013-04-18T22:41:44.462-07:00This Pregnancy is Kicking my ButtFair warning I'm going to whine here but I need to get it out so don't mind me while I'm purging and just carry on with your lives.<br />
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So I'm 22 weeks along now and just yesterday was commenting on how glad I was that I was starting to finally feel mostly human. Ha... hahah.... ha.<br />
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Which is of course why I woke up this morning with a migraine after not being able to sleep for most of last night. And of course the meds I can take while pregnant for this migraine cost wayyyy too much money to not work at all. Oh so annoying.<br />
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And I just feel like such a wimp b/c at first I was like "Oh I just have to make it to 12 weeks and then I'll feel better". And then 12 weeks came and went and nope I didn't feel better. In fact I felt so much worse I finally had to wimp out and go on anti-nausea meds. (For the record: Caleb made me this sick. He just didn't make me this sick for this LONG).<br />
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So then I told myself if I could just hold on until 16 weeks, surely I would feel better then. And at 16 weeks I developed a heart arrhythmia that sent me to the ER and then to a cardiologist. Thankfully its one of the ones thats more annoying than dangerous but if I get dehydrated and it happens I could pass out. If you thought I was diligent about my water drinking before, you haven't seen me since the doc dropped that one on me!<br />
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So they put me on meds for the heart thing after putting me on one of those 24 hour heart monitors (anyone who ever has to put up with one of those has my deepest sympathies. It is NOT pleasant for those of us with sensitive skin. That tape was EVIL). And after a few weeks on meds I did in fact start to feel better, which was lovely.<br />
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So now that we've passed the 20 week mark, which was of course my next magic line, that once crossed would leave me feeling just peachy, which is proof that my mental faculties have been diminished by this pregnancy b/c otherwise I would have learned my lesson after the first 2 times and laughed at myself for daring to think I'd ever REALLY feel better this time around - now.... now I'm having migraines.<br />
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They'd been doing much better, until the last few weeks. And now I'm having migraines that last for days and days and the meds I can take do NOTHING for them. Mercifully they're not the worst head aches I've ever had, but its just so harsh that once you've slept as much as you can, so you can't sleep at all anymore, then you get BORED. And the pain isn't TOO bad as long as you stay laying down, perfectly still in a darkened room and avoid light and noise. But then you wish you could die of boredom so you get the lights as low as you can on your phone and reread novels off your kindle until the pain from the light is worse from the boredom and then you turn it off and wait for the pain to die back down and sit there and hate the whole world. And then I miss my son b/c of course being stuck in here in the dark I'm not out there playing with him and reading stories and getting cuddles.<br />
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And even on good days I wish I had more energy. Desperately so. B/c after being so wretchedly sick for 4 months my poor house and yard are in desperate need of attention and Adam is finally starting to do better (he's been sick w/ various issues as well) but domestic stuff isn't his strong suit and the yard especially needs to be unburied before we get fined by the city for the stupid weeds in the front yard.<br />
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And so normally the best way for me to get more energy is to work out right? But right now no matter how careful I am not to over do it (b/c "pregnancy is not the time to start a strenuous new work out routine"), instead of energizing me like it usually does, it completely wipes me out the next day, and possibly the day after that as well. My Mom tells me not to push it. She says my body and especially my heart are over taxed as it is "So be careful and rest if your body says to rest!"<br />
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But thats just so farking frustrating. And I'm trying so hard not to compare myself to all the other pregnant women I know. B/c you shouldn't compare your biggest weaknesses to their biggest strengths and I know that. But seriously?? I know women that have more kids than me, still keep a spotless house, go to work and/or school full time and cook and clean and all of that while pregnant and my poor family has been living on sandwiches and fast food for months because I'm too sick to cook at all. And I just feel like a complete failure.<br />
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I mean I know women who are pregnant that have it so much worse than me. I'm not in the hospital. I didn't get so sick I had to have IV meds, I was able to control my puking with just the regular pill. I'm not on bed rest and thus far every test has come back clear and all the indicators say I have a healthy baby girl *knock on wood*. And let me tell you this child is crazy energetic. I can't believe something that only weighs a pound can kick that hard already (mercifully it doesn't hurt yet). I never even have to do kick counts b/c at her most mellow she still kicks me once or twice in a 5 minute period and the rest of the time you'd swear she was doing Zumba or some other enthusiastic Latin dance craze. I am so lucky and blessed that way.<br />
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Its just hard to feel like a failure. And I hate to ask for help b/c I know other people are so busy and I keep feeling like maybe if I could just push a little harder I could do this. And I'm not sure how much they could do anyways b/c so much is sorting and crap that I really need to do.<br />
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So the good news is that I have a follow up with my neurologist for the migraines in 2 weeks anyways so I'm going to call and beg him to do the nerve block injections then b/c thats safer for the baby than any meds they could give me that would work better for the head aches.<br />
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And in the mean time just ignore me. Its a bad day and my head hurts and I just feel like a complete failure and I miss my Mommy terribly right now and I just needed to whine. But I can't even call anybody b/c talking on the phone would hurt my head. Hows that for harsh?Amihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00880759209065460946noreply@blogger.com0