Honesty

Maybe I'm just a simple minded person and I lack the required complexity of thought to do otherwise but I think it probably has more to do with how I was raised, but I'm of the school that a person should say what they mean, and mean what they say. Always.

I mean for as much as I some times complain about certain family members and how rude/hurtful they can be with their extremely blunt opinionatedness, the upside is that you never ever have to worry about what they really think. Because you already know. You might know better than you ever cared to but you're not worried that something might be wrong even though they say otherwise, because believe you me, if it was wrong, they'd tell you. Probably loudly and in an incredibly non-politically correct fashion.

And while that can get wearisome, the positive thing that can be said for it is that it is completely honest. It might not be kind or tactful but by golly its honest. We shoot from the hip but man do we shoot straight.

I almost never lie. I might not tell the whole truth if its not completely necessary and if doing so will spare a persons feelings. I work extremely hard to be tactful and to word things the right way. Because I believe that words matter. I believe you can't take some things back. And I believe in being honest.

And so because this is the way I was raised and the way that I function, there are few things that elevate my stress like people who don't communicate in this fashion. Especially, when I'm faced with a situation where to maintain the status quo, which is expected of me in this situation, I am forbidden to communicate directly about a problem.

I've had this experience once before and I swore I'd never let it happen again. I regret to this day that I didn't tell the "status quo" people to go stick a fork in it and go have a sit down with the person I've got the problem with.

But the big difference is that in that situation the person I was having a problem with was my social peer. In the current situation the person is my social superior. It is critically important that I am above all respectful. And clearly according to this persons rules of decorum I've already failed at that a few times.

But I'm afraid if I don't deal with it directly the problem will keep happening. And then I will keep feeling awful and stressed and hurt and angry.

And so I'm faced with the fun, exciting, terrifying, nerve wracking, and stressful of very prayerfully trying to figure out what the heck to say and how to say it. Wish me luck.

See what I did today!

We got the pattern for this bracelet from an amazing wire artist in Taiwan. Here's my first attempt! I think its real purdy.  I can do this piece in a variety of stone or crystal center pieces. Price in sterling silver is approximately $65 though it will vary up or down some with the beads you pick.

I've got a problem

I know how to lose the weight now. I've got a plan and its a liveable plan and it works etc etc etc. Thing is that what I really want is to keep eating whatever the hell I want to and to have that magically change from a way to gain weight to a way to lose weight.

Yeah.... somehow I don't see that happening anytime soon. I've discovered that as long as I keep high quality dark chocolate in the house I don't have a problem with chocolate. I only like the good stuff nowdays anyways and with the good stuff you can only have so much of it. So its not the cheap chocolate thats the problem now.

Its the baked goods. You know what I'm talking about. The good chit. Brownies. Cake. Cookies.

Thats right baked goods are my weakness. And you just have a little piece now.... and then another one a couple hours later.... and another one a couple hours after that.... and well you get the idea.

And its BAD. And I'm doing all sorts of other things to try to placate my cravings because I am having like crack fiend level cravings for baked goods right now folks. And I know in my head that this means that my blood sugar is on a roller coaster and if I just did a better job of eating the way I know I'm supposed to be eating then it would all be hunky dory and I wouldn't NEED sweets like this.

But here's the thing. I really, really, really like eating my baked goods. It makes me happy when I eat them. They hit my taste buds and its like the whole room lights up and I have a little mouthgasm and everything about the world is better for just a few minutes.

Don't get me wrong - I really do like veggies and protein. In fact I don't like to eat my baked goods on an empty stomach because it makes me feel like crap. But I do still very very much like to eat my baked goods too. In addition to my healthy-ish balanced diet. But clearly if I'm craving the baked goods this badly then I'm not really balancing my diet.

And lord knows I really do not need to gain any more weight. I have a whole family medical history that is a line up of why I really shouldn't gain weight.

But my brain is so screwed up right now about it that I actually had the thought train: Want baked goods! NO! No more! You have got to get in control here! You've got to start controlling your blood sugar before it controls you! .... Okay... You're right. How about we make a cake and we'll talk about it?

I may need some sort of intervention and maybe a support group or something.

OMG I WANT CAKE.