Brace Yourselves Folks

Because I'm gonna get political.

I read an article today that ticked me the heck off. And I've just got it running through my head and I can't sleep so you guys get to hear about it.

Did you know that the US government received a letter from the people who regulate such things (I don't look up, I just remember content) threatening to slash our credit rating if we don't get the deficit under control?

Did you know that to try to balance the budget they're talking about slashing student loans?

Did you also know that we give away billions (possibly trillions but that would require me to look it up and I'm lazy) in foreign aid?

One of the very first things I learned in my water safety class at the Red Cross when I was a Girl Scout is that if you're trying to save a drowning man do not jump in the water with him. If you do, he will pull you under trying to save himself and you will both drown. You have to be on solid ground and reach out to lift them up.

We as a country are drowning. We have children starving in our own streets. If our credit rating is slashed the effects will be devastating both nationally and internationally.

If we as a country do not get ourselves on solid ground then we are all going to drown.

I am not saying we shouldn't send help and aid to countries who have suffered a major disaster or to assist in establishing democracy and protect human rights through out the world. But we cannot and should not do it to the extent that we jeopardize ourselves.

Additionally we need to carefully evaluate how we help other countries. A dole does nothing good long term. Its the whole "give a man a fish" vs "teach a man to fish" thing. The money should not be permanent. The aid should be given when needed, for a specific cause that will aid in future self sufficiency, with transparency and accountability and a schedule in place from the start as to how and when the aid will end.

And it royally ticks me off that slashing student loans even got on the table. As far as I'm concerned our children are our national security. Education is an investment, not an expense. If we fail to provide for the future of our country the effects will be devastating.

I know that the American public is currently up in the air about the true value of a college degree, particularly in this economy. But if you look at the employment stats the value becomes truly obvious. Those who only have a high school education are significantly (I *think* the article said 4 times) more likely to be out of work than those with a degree. And a middle class life style is becoming almost impossible to obtain with out some level of upper level education.

I know the collapse of manufacturing jobs in the US has been devastating for many people. I know there are many who long for the return of manufacturing jobs to the US. However, the reality is that I do not see that happening. Our economy is based on capitalism. If you can get the job done cheaper over seas, then thats what companies (who are in business to make money) are going to do.

Yes it sucks, but its reality. In order for us to compete on a global scale we have to be willing to grow, change and adapt. In another article I saw recently, one of the countries in Europe (I *think* it was Holland) is having the same problem. All of their manufacturing jobs went over seas and they had tons of people out of work. Instead of giving them unemployment benefits forever, they accepted that the jobs ain't coming back and instead instituted a program to reeducate the workers in another field with a benefit program that will help support them through their reeducation and then taper off to encourage them to get new jobs and support themselves.

Wow! What a great idea. Its empowering. Its supporting people through a rough patch, which I think we as fellow human beings should do, but it gives them the tools they need to be self sufficient long term. It shows confidence and the expectation that they can and will do better and we will not enable their wallowing in self pity.

I have never had a desire to go into politics. But I'm starting to get angry. I'm talking march in the streets angry. I know the system is huge and complex and bigger than I can comprehend and I'm running off of information I can glean from the media. I know there isn't an easy fix. But I'm starting to think I need to get involved.

My biggest problem is: I don't know who to get involved WITH. I do NOT like either party at the moment. Both parties are so incredibly polarized I can't say I agree by a long shot with either platform. There are things I like about both, and things that make me wanna smack them both.

I think we need a new party. I have no idea what to call it. Maybe the "Common Sense" party. Or the "Rational and Empirical Thinkers Party". Maybe just "The Moderate Party".

I'll have to think for a bit on what all I'd want on the platform. I know we need to reform the education system. Big time. I know we need to massively reform the tax structure. We need to get the debt under control. I think the Constitution is an inspired guide to the spirit of how we should run our country, but I also believe that our forefathers allowed amendments to the Constitution for a reason. They recognized that as the country grew and changed that we would need for Constitution to grow and change with it. But I also think with modern technology there may need to carefully evaluate balance of power and responsibilities between the fed and the states. I'm all for the use of technology to enable transparency and accountability.

And thats all I've got for now. But I think I may be on to something here. Anybody else feel a grass roots movement coming on?

The Definition of Insanity

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the quote (don't ask me who said it):

"The definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over, expecting different results".

This is one of the things that annoys me the most about people. The ones who when given the answer to whatever problem they're whining about now continue to beat their head against the same wall that gave them the head ache in the first place. Cuz honey, if xyz didn't get you where you wanna go the last 5,000 times you tried it why on earth don't you CHANGE SOMETHING to something that say... I dunno... actually works.


Another one of those nasty, uncomfortable quotes is: "The thing that bugs you the most about others is most often the thing that bugs others the most about you".

And so in the interest of full disclosure, and trying to do as the bible directs and remove the beam from my own eye before I go picking motes (splinters) out of other peoples eyes I'll tell you where I do well at this, and where I FAIL at this.

Where I succeed in the changing of my own behavior is mostly likely to be in my relationships. How I related to others and how I relate to myself. I used to hate myself and I used to tolerate abuse from others, and my communication skill SUCKED. I'm much, MUCH better about this now. I actually like myself, and my relationships are MUCH healthier and I don't tolerate abuse (99% of the time).

I'm not perfect, and it took me YEARS to get this far, but by golly I have kicked some butt!

I FAIL at this concept when it comes to my eating. I've realized that what I really want is for the way that I have always eaten, that I'm comfortable with, and have always done to magically change. I want it to magically change from a way to gain weight (which it is, my current pants size being the case and point) to a way to lose weight.

Because I can diet. I can even stick to that diet for 6 months or more and I can drop a bunch of weight. But in the end, I got back to my old eating habits and those old eating habits are what got me into this boat.

I always before blamed my weight problem on my metabolism. I just have chitty metabolism and thats why I'm so heavy. There's no way for me to eat enough to be full and not gain weight.

And then I tried the Skinny Chicks program and discovered I can eat a healthy balanced meal, and be full, and still lose weight. And I did and I was doing great. But as good as it was it was still uncomfortable because it was different. Because I couldn't have all the baked goods I wanted whenever I wanted them.  Because I wanted to continue eating the same way I always have and have that magically work out for me.

And its stupid, illogical and insane. And I know that. What I need to do is create a permanent change in my eating habits. If I continue to diet and then go back to eating like I always have, I will simply continue to yo-yo my weight up and down like Oprah.

I make conciliatory gestures. I work out more and get active, in lieu of actually changing my eating. Its like my eating is the abusive boy friend I just can't break up with. I'd kill a man who tried to harm my body like this eating is harming me.

And thats part of the problem is that - aside from some joint pain - I'm shockingly healthy. My blood work is all good, my blood pressure looks great. I can conceive and carry to term a healthy baby boy. I even have positive self esteem. I can't hate myself for being fat anymore. Its more important for me to be happy.

And so I'm left to try to motivate myself with the "good reasons". Because I want to be healthy. Because I want to live a long and happy life (you'll notice there are not a lot of fat old people. B/c being fat is a good way to die young).

I think my biggest motivation right now is that I need to teach Caleb by example how to eat right. Because my Mom taught me how to eat right. She told me all the science and begged, pleaded and cajoled me to eat right. But she didn't show me how. And I'm not saying its all her fault, I'm a big girl and I take responsibility for my own problem, but I've got almost 30 years built into this bad habit and its only gonna get harder to break as time goes on.

And I don't want Caleb to have to fight this battle if there's anything I can do about it.

So I know the how. I know the why. What I need is momentum. I need to actually kick my own butt in gear and start working towards this and I'm not sure how to start.

On my mission we taught people you not only had to make a goal, you had to have a plan of action, and accountability otherwise all you're doing is wishing. Thats probably the answer.

I should start praying for the desire to change (because I really, really don't want to) - and ultimately thats the problem here - I don't wanna. I need to want it. So I'll pray for the desire to change and then I think I'm going to start by simply making sure I eat a protein and carb combo every 4 hours. I'll work on improving the quality of what I'm eating over time but I think the every 4 hours is the biggest change and whats gonna take the most effort and make the biggest difference so we'll start there.

Now I need some accountability. I think I will make like a calendar and check off every time I eat? Or maybe I can set up my phone to give me an alarm? I'll have to think a bit more about this part.

Lastly I think I'd best start this on like Friday when I can afford to go grocery shopping. Eating this much takes some planning and I'm gonna need to buy some more food....

Thriveability

When I was  in college I sat through a lecture that started by the speaker asking us to imagine that we've just had a baby. And that the doctors have come in and informed us that, "We're sustaining your baby nicely". What's your first reaction? Mine was, "WTF IS WRONG THAT YOU'RE USING THE WORD 'SUSTAIN' AND MY CHILD IN THE SAME SENTENCE???!"

Which was of course the exact reaction the speaker wanted. Since when did "Sustain" become good enough? We do NOT want to "Sustain". We want to thrive.

He used this example to introduce a concept he called "Thrivability" (like "sustainability" only different). And I filed that word away under "bastage words that have sold out to the man". But I find myself thinking of that man and his lecture more and more. And as much as I still think that "Thriveability" is a weasly bastage word that will sell its self out to corporate America at the first chance I think he has a point.

We were not put on this earth to survive. Or to muddle through. We definitely were NOT put here to fail. We were put on this earth to learn and grow and progress.

I have suffered for more than half my life with depression. I deeply understand what it is to feel hopeless. To know exactly why everything I could try will fail, or can't progress because I'm waiting on other people for xyz or it won't work because of abc and d. I know what it is to feel boxed in.

And I also know that all of those feelings are complete and utter bullshit.

Yes, there are times to sit and go "here is everything I've tried and its all not working (or not working yet or fast enough or whatever) because of x, y and z". And then you take that list, you stare it down for a minute and then you start a new list and the new list is called "What I can do".

You have to stop focusing on the can'ts and you have to focus on the cans. Its hard. TRUST ME I know its hard. But this ain't no fairy tale princess and there is no handsome prince who is going to come save you. You have to pull yourself up by your own damn boot straps and save your own damn self.

That is not to say that you cannot or should not accept the help of others. But it is to say that you accept the harsh reality that whether or not something is to be or is not to be is entirely dependent on YOU. Its a thought that is both liberating and terrifying.

Its terrifying because accepting that accountability for your own life means facing the harsh reality that somethings are your fault. Somethings aren't. Sometimes chit does happen. But what you do with it and how you react to it and whether or not you let that define you is entirely your choice. 


You can choose to be happy and that choice is entirely your own.

The realization that you are solely responsible for your own state of being is liberating because it means you can chose that happiness. I realize I'm repeating myself here but it bears repeating.

You cannot always chose your initial gut reaction to a situation. Thats a body thing and sometimes history and life and instinct have far more to do with your initial response to something than your brain does. But the second after your gut reaction, the second where your brain starts thinking that is when you have the control. That is when you decide whether or not whatever just happened is going to define you or if you are going to define it.

Knowing your own happiness depends on you is empowering. It gives you the power to recognize poisonous people and to acknowledge that they do not have a right to make you miserable. Under no circumstances are you required to accept the giant shit buckets that other people want to give you. You can walk away and not feel guilty about it. 


Knowing your own happiness depends on you means that you have to take the time to evaluate where you are, and where you want to go and then you hatch a plot to get you from A to B and you move towards it. And like a force of nature nothing can deter you from your course unless you chose to let it. If you find a route blocked, you back up, regroup, and go around it. If you don't know something you need to know then go learn it. God gave you a brain and the ability to learn so go give that fricking gray matter a work out!

At the end of the day we do what we want to do. Whatever it is, if you REALLY really want it, you will find a way to get it. 


So know this: you can have what you want. The question becomes "What do I want?" and thats a very serious question that bears serious thought and planning and most importantly: It needs a specific answer. For example you ask the question: Where do I want to be in 6 months? 1 year? 5 years? 10? Answer for the different categories: where do I want to live? do I want to work? if so what do I want to do? You need goals for education, for relationships (yes you can set and achieve goals here), for your emotional health, for your spiritual health, for your physical health.

And once you've got this great set of goals, pick your priorities. Because you are human and you can only do so much at once and if you try to eat an elephant in one sitting you're going to puke and die. BUT you can be making constant progress. You CAN have joy in the journey. Knowing that you are on your path and that you are achieving your goals brings JOY.

And most importantly, in all of this your strongest ally and greatest asset is your Heavenly Father. Put your relationship with Him at the top of your priority list and everything else WILL fall in line. You will discover that together you can accomplish things you've never dreamed of.

Somedays, yes surviving is victory. But it should NOT be your base line level of living. And yes sometimes being a grown up sucks. It means kicking your own ass up between your ears and having to do the icky dirty jobs that you'd just rather not do. But ignoring them doesn't make them go away. It just gives them time to get ickier and nastier. So bite the bullet and just do it dammit. Because then its over and you have won. You came, you saw, you conquered. And now you are better and stronger for it.

And in surviving that day you did more than survive. You learned how to thrive.

Sleep

I've been a slacker about blogging lately. I guess I don't feel as compelled to write when life is going better and happier. When things aren't as good I NEED to process through things I guess.

So I'm having to adjust my world view. Because thanks to better living through chemistry my neurologist has managed a not so minor miracle. For the first time since I was old enough to know there was difference between "morning people" and "night owls", I don't hate mornings. This is the best sleep I have gotten in nearly two decades. I mean really, truly I fall asleep inside of like 30-40 minutes (usually it takes me 2+ hours). And then I sleep GOOD, just OUT like a light and wake up in the morning feeling refreshed.

Me. I wake up BEFORE THE ALARM and I don't hate the morning. Its one of my deepest held beliefs that mornings are HORRIBLE ways to start perfectly good days. Now I think they're kinda nice and I like getting stuff done before the kid wakes up. 


Its screwing with my head. Seriously. I'm having to adjust myself image of myself as a "night person". 


And oh my holy frickin' cow you would NOT believe how productive I am!! Its like AMAZING how much I can get done and how much energy I have to do stuff! I'm like "Holy CROW!!" and I'm left wondering "Is this how everybody else feels all the time??!" 


I cannot believe how good I feel. I wish I'd been this way in college. Do you know how much better my GPA would have been? And on my mission? Oh man that would have been SWEET!


So yeah, its really weird but I just might actually be adjusting my self concept to: Ami Fleischaker - Morning Person. (I am fighting my involuntary urge to shudder right now). 

Its Been Busy

But looky at what I've gotten done in the jewelry world recently!! I'm also working on the launch of my very own Etsy store so stay tuned for more details!!

Please note that all of these photos are completely unedited. I'm being impatient and just want to share!

Honesty

Maybe I'm just a simple minded person and I lack the required complexity of thought to do otherwise but I think it probably has more to do with how I was raised, but I'm of the school that a person should say what they mean, and mean what they say. Always.

I mean for as much as I some times complain about certain family members and how rude/hurtful they can be with their extremely blunt opinionatedness, the upside is that you never ever have to worry about what they really think. Because you already know. You might know better than you ever cared to but you're not worried that something might be wrong even though they say otherwise, because believe you me, if it was wrong, they'd tell you. Probably loudly and in an incredibly non-politically correct fashion.

And while that can get wearisome, the positive thing that can be said for it is that it is completely honest. It might not be kind or tactful but by golly its honest. We shoot from the hip but man do we shoot straight.

I almost never lie. I might not tell the whole truth if its not completely necessary and if doing so will spare a persons feelings. I work extremely hard to be tactful and to word things the right way. Because I believe that words matter. I believe you can't take some things back. And I believe in being honest.

And so because this is the way I was raised and the way that I function, there are few things that elevate my stress like people who don't communicate in this fashion. Especially, when I'm faced with a situation where to maintain the status quo, which is expected of me in this situation, I am forbidden to communicate directly about a problem.

I've had this experience once before and I swore I'd never let it happen again. I regret to this day that I didn't tell the "status quo" people to go stick a fork in it and go have a sit down with the person I've got the problem with.

But the big difference is that in that situation the person I was having a problem with was my social peer. In the current situation the person is my social superior. It is critically important that I am above all respectful. And clearly according to this persons rules of decorum I've already failed at that a few times.

But I'm afraid if I don't deal with it directly the problem will keep happening. And then I will keep feeling awful and stressed and hurt and angry.

And so I'm faced with the fun, exciting, terrifying, nerve wracking, and stressful of very prayerfully trying to figure out what the heck to say and how to say it. Wish me luck.

See what I did today!

We got the pattern for this bracelet from an amazing wire artist in Taiwan. Here's my first attempt! I think its real purdy.  I can do this piece in a variety of stone or crystal center pieces. Price in sterling silver is approximately $65 though it will vary up or down some with the beads you pick.