Eating Enough

I know, I know its another post about weight loss but get over it b/c its whats on my mind so its whats gonna come out in my blog. *shrugs*

So one of the things I'm most grateful to Weight Watchers for atm is teaching me how much I should eat for my size. B/c - and this sounds totally counter intuitive - but when I first started WW (w/ my old "diet" mentality) I had a really hard time getting all my points in every day. And I tell you I wasn't losing weight like I am now.

That sounds crazy right? I ate less and lost less. Well actually its not so crazy b/c if you eat too little for your size then your body goes into starvation mode and your metabolism slows way down and your weight loss stalls out. Given that I've never been this big before in my life I apparently had no clue what was a healthy amount to eat for my size so that I could be healthy but still lose weight.

So in order for me to start losing weight I actually had to loosen the reins up a bit. I know I'll have to tighten them back down later when my daily points allowance gets smaller (but then I'll be smaller too so it won't be painful). So I actually switched back from Fat Free Mayo to regular Mayo just so I could get the points. I actually like Fat Free Mayo (sick I know but its better than the low fat nastiness I tried when I was a kid) so it won't be any big deal to go back to that when I need to and for now I'm losing weight AND eating mayo and cheese on my sandwiches, both of which I initially cut out b/c "I was dieting".

Weird huh?

Also when I was seriously restricting my in take I was MUCH more likely to binge out. And ya know those cookies REALLY add up fast at 5 points EACH. My group leader, Julie, was totally right when she strongly encouraged us to not only eat all our daily points but to eat our whole weekly allowance too. And ya know what? I'm doing better now than I was then. Go figure!

Its only a matter of time

I had the coolest thought today: "Its only a matter of time". Which on the surface isn't that exciting of a thought. But I had it in regards to weight loss.

Me. Really.

I'm losing weight. I have lost 20 lbs and it wasn't even painful. I don't feel deprived. I feel like I could do this every day for the next 10 years and be okay with it.

I've joined Weight Watchers and I think I'm in love w/ the new Points Plus Program (no I am not being paid or perked in anyway to say this).

I tried WW about 10 years ago and I liked the old Points program okay but I found I was hungry a lot of the time so I didn't stick with it. But they've changed now to the new Points PLUS program and that Plus bit makes all the difference.

For those of you unfamiliar with WW, the gist is this: You eat your own food. In WW there are no "Off Limits" foods. You can eat anything. Really. With one small caveat: You have to have the points.

Every food you eat has a points value (well technically all fruit is zero points and most veggies - they say nobody had to join WW b/c they ate too many bananas lol). And the scale is weighted in favor of protein and fiber. So a food that is high in lean protein or high fiber is going to be lower points than say something of equivalent calories but that gets those calories from processed carbs or fat.

I really like the weighted Points scale of the Points Plus program because it means I'm not hungry all the time. I eat all my points every day and I am FULL. Its awesome.

In fact they give you a "Daily Points Allowance" thats based on your age, gender, height and current weight. You are supposed to eat at least your Daily Points Allowance every day. I say, "At least" b/c you also get a "Weekly Points Allowance". Now this Weekly Allowance is my friend. EVERYBODY gets 49 points a week extra to use as you want.

If you really want that cookie you can have it even if you've eaten all your Daily points as long as you still have room in your Weekly. Some people like to have a little something extra every day, other people prefer to save them up for a big night out or wedding or whatever. And believe me as long as you don't go CRAZY and massively binge out (just stop when you get full and eat your veggies first) I've personally found it very difficult to use ALL my weekly allowance in a single sitting. I didn't even manage it at Thanksgiving!

AND b/c this is a "life style change" and not a diet, WW is going to teach me how to maintain my weight once I get to goal. And once I get to my goal weight and maintain that for 6 weeks I become a "Lifetime Member" which means as long as I stay at goal I get to go to WW meetings FOR FREE. Forever. Seriously. How cool is that?!

And its even more cool than it sounds on the surface b/c there are lifetime members in my meetings that I go to (besides the staff) and some of those ladies have been there for 20 years! And they look great! Its a fantastic way for them to stay on track and motivated and given  my tendency to yo-yo my weight loss the thought of being able to be the same size for 20 years is just AWESOME. So its seriously motivating for me to see these folks who have done it and managed to keep the weight off. Which for me has always been the hardest part.

So yeah. I can do this. And its so so so exciting to feel like its really just a matter of time until I'm healthy, until my joints don't hurt, until I look on the outside like I feel on the inside. And that my friends is seriously cool.

I suffer from the paranoids

See I've got a problem - I suffer from the paranoids. Part of its inherited - my Dad was a cop and if you wanna know about paranoia have a cop for a father. He taught my sister and I VERY well. It also doesn't help that I love crime dramas on tv, movies, books etc and have read wayyyy too many true crime files.

Now with regard to myself and my personal safety I've mostly got my paranoids under lock and key. I'm mostly confident in my awareness of my surroundings and my abilities. I've thus far managed (with the grace of God) to stay safe *knock on wood*.

And sometimes - knowing the statistics that I know and the things/circumstances that have happened in my life (some of which I could or could not control) its kind of amazing to me that I have stayed safe when so, so many others in similar circumstances have not. I credit God totally on that one.

But now I have a whole new problem: I have a child. More particularly I have an as-yet non-verbal child. That means that he can't tell me if something isn't right. I can't ask him and get a direct response if everything is okay. I can't instruct him as well what is and is not okay. He's only 2. He's not there yet.

And I am so mind numbingly terrified to trust people with him. He's my baby. My precious. Its my job to protect him. Nobody on the 6'o'clock news says "Oh yeah they made me nervous but what can you do right?" No! Its ALWAYS, "I never, ever suspected anything was wrong.... I never saw it coming... I trusted them completely".

So I'm trying to come up with child care options and so very often its "Oh well so and so would work.... but I don't know their spouse... are they safe too?"

Part of me goes, "Well I just have to have faith that God will prompt me so that we can avoid those situations". But part of me goes, "Yeah well what about X, Y, Z people? Did God just not prompt their parents or were they not listening or was this just some sort of 'learning experience' they needed to have in their life?" and ya know I just can't wrap my mind around that option. This is my baby. Its my job to protect him.

How do you trust people? How do you trust their judgement of OTHER people? If I trust them, can I trust their judgement of the other person? ... The wife is always the last to know right?

The Paranoids. They're evil and obnoxious and keep me from sleep. I'm this paranoid and nothing happened to me personally... Just to so, so many people I know and love.....

How do you trust?

Cilantro Jalapeño Hummus

So there a restaurant around here called Pita Jungle. If you're in Arizona or California, go look up your closest one and go eat. You can send me a thank you note later.

I know there are people among us who are not fortunate enough to have been blessed w/ the genes required to taste cilantro properly (seriously its genetic). In case you're wondering, you know you can taste it properly if it tastes like a party in our mouth. And well Pita Jungle has this AMAZING hummus. Probably my hands down favorite I've ever had. Its a Cilantro Jalapeño hummus thats not spicy at all but tastes AMAZING. Seriously I can eat that stuff with a SPOON.

And I've been craving some of that hummus for a week now but I'm currently too broke to go get a fix (or two... or three... or four.... or...). So I started googling and I found recipes here, here, here and here that all claimed to approximate the crack hummus I'm seeking. There were some minor variations, so I wrote down the gist of it on a note pad and went and started experimenting w/ my food processor.

My biggest goal was that I wanted that taste, but I know that hummus can vary widely in fat so I was trying to keep the fat content down (b/c some of those recipes have A LOT) b/c I'm doing Weight Watchers. Well folks - I have succeeded!!! (I apologize for the blah picture but I just couldn't WAIT to share!).

Cilantro Jalapeño Hummus

2 cans of garbanzo beans (15 oz size) - drained (and I saved the juice from the bean can)
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1/2 tsp kosher salt (I'm sure you can use regular salt but thats what I always cook w/)
1 jalapeño cored, seeded and minced (if you want it spicy leave the seeds, if you want flavor and no spice ditch 'em)
2 limes, juiced
1/2 c of cilantro, chopped (you can do less if you're not a big cilantro fan)
2 T EVOO (extra virgin olive oil - I gave in and added some to smooth out the texture and make it creamy)
1/4 -1/2 tsp Cumin
Pinch of Cayenne Pepper (optional)

Basically, add everything listed to your food processor and hit frappe. I then thinned it down to the desired consistency using my bean juice I saved from the can. I probably used a good half a cup or so. I did this instead of adding water b/c I was afraid it would water down my amazing flavor and using that much olive oil would add a TON of fat.

I also ditched the traditional tahini, partially b/c I'm out, but also cuz that stuff is WAY high in points.

Oh the taste verdict: AWESOME (at least I think so) and if you're doing Weight Watchers its only ONE, thats right, ONE Points Plus per 2 TBSP serving, or only 5 PP for a whole half cup!! Sweet!

Rick Santorum just ticked me off

Okay, before this morning I was on the fence about Santorum. I didn't really know anything about him so I didn't have much of an opinion. And then I read this speech and now I'm pissed. Here go take a look at the link. Mostly I care about paragraphs 2-4 (okay well mostly 3 and 4)

http://news.yahoo.com/rick-santorum-draws-crowds-raises-nearly-1-million-070701782--abc-news.html

I read it and at first I was all:

For those of you too lazy to click the link and read the article (and really I understand if you are) Rick starts off by goin' off about how Obama is out to destroy the churches of our country. And I'm all "Whatever. Standard inflammatory political rhetoric" but THEN I get to:

"He [Santorum] told the audience at the raucous rally that Obama is restricting religious freedoms in this country, and even that a situation like the French Revolution could happen in America. As he spoke supporters yelled, "We want Rick!" and "We want you!" throughout the speech.

"They are taking faith and crushing it. Why? Why? When you marginalize faith in America, when you remove the pillar of God given rights then what's left?" Santorum asked and an audience member offered, "Communism!"

"The French Revolution," Santorum answered. "What's left is a government that gives you rights. What's left are no unalienable rights. What's left is a government that will tell you who you are, what you'll do and when you'll do it. What's left in France became the guillotine. Ladies and gentlemen, we are a long way from that, but if we do follow the path of President Obama and his overt hostility tofaith in America, then we are headed down that road."[Emphasis added]

And then the more I thought about it the more I was all: 

And thats when my head exploded. Because REALLY??! I almost don't know where to start. But b/c this is me we're just gonna dive RIGHT in.

1. The French Revolution was all about the ideals of Enlightenment: namely Equality, Citizenship and Inalienable Rights. They revolted because their government took those away. Or more correctly - those were never even an option under the absolute monarchy of the time. Inalienable rights were what those people GAINED by their revolution. 

2. The guillotine was an invention of compassion. Sure it definitely got over used but compared to the other methods of execution at the time (beheading with multiple blows from an ax, hanging, stoning, drawn and quartered... ) it was very compassionate. A doctor invented it because they wanted a humane way to kill people. The aristocracy was famous for the tortured deaths of anybody who disagreed with them. The Revolution meant certain people had to die so that others could have their unalienable rights but they didn't want to be the people they were disposing so they found a "humane" alternative to the methods of the time. 

3. Yes the French Revolution did take over some of their churches. The people took them from the Catholic church (who at the time was still knee deep in the Inquisition AND in bed w/ the ruling classes, I might add) and turned them into "Temples of Reason". Admittedly those people did go a smidgen far. They beheaded statues when they ran out of people but lets all remember that the IQ of a mob is equal to the IQ of its dumbest member divided by the number of people in the mob and just go with it. 

So basically I have to say to Rick Santorum: Don't insult my intelligence. Go back to school and take a few history classes or hell just go read Wikipedia. That or fire your speech writer. Some combination of the above. 

Communism wasn't a half bad answer. But "The French Revolution"? Thats a cheap shot at the French, who historically have been one of our strongest allies and with out whose support we would have lost the Revolution. I know we've had issues in the recent past but I don't think that should undo 200+ years of positive relations. I did a study abroad in France in college and I know for the most part the French love Americans (they just weren't big fans of Bush, mostly b/c he was friends w/ Tony Blair). 

I was on the fence about you before because I didn't know anything about you. But you sir, just lost my vote. 

Patience

Today I pray for patience. It took me 10 years to get this big. Its not going to go away over night no matter how much I want it to. And if it takes me a year or even two to get it all off and be healthy then I think thats okay. So for tonight I share this with you. It helps me stay focused. 

Small Miracles

So I finally GOT UP and did something instead of just thinking and planning and talking about doing something and started working out over the last week or so. And I've NEVER been one to be all "I'mma gonna exercise b/c I LOVE IT". HA yeah right. I'm more like John Pinette (if you haven't seen him to look him up on YouTube - hysterical I tell you), "I can quit this ANY TIME I WANT".

I've NEVER been one to enjoy my trips to the gym. I LOVED dancing. I adored dancing. I miss it so bad it aches. But with my injuries dance is off the table and thus my meteoric weight gain in college. And I've made myself stick to a work out schedule before but I never did it because it felt good. I did it b/c I wanted to lose weight.

Well in Weight Watchers they really emphasize "reframing". Changing how you deal w/ things. This is a BIG issue for those of us who are emotional eaters. And I'm here to tell you I'm ALL ABOUT my emotional eating. Except that this last week instead of making a pan of brownies... I got on the elliptical machine.

And do you know what - I felt better afterwards. I didn't work out Sunday (b/c it was the sabbath) and I felt kinda BLAH all day. Didn't work out Monday either. BIG time with the BLAHS. First half of today was really BLAH. Then I worked out.

I actually feel better. Better mood. Better motivation. Holy chit the studies are true. All those statistics that say it helps w/ endorphins etc actually apply to me. Who knew?!

I know its DUMB to think it doesn't apply to me but honestly prior to now... yeah I can definitely quit that ANY TIME I WANT. But now... it just feels good. I actually enjoy it. I turn on something on the TV and hop on my elliptical machine and just go. I'm up to 30 mins now and I think I'm gonna increase it by another 5 minutes later this week. My legs don't feel funny anymore when I stop so I think I'm good.

And honestly I think I need to give some credit to Scott Adam's. He writes the comic "Dilbert" and writes one of the funniest, most thought provoking blogs on the web. And I read this post of his months ago and haven't been able to get it out of my head since. I think he's got a point.

Check it out: http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/pattern_recognition/