Eating Enough

I know, I know its another post about weight loss but get over it b/c its whats on my mind so its whats gonna come out in my blog. *shrugs*

So one of the things I'm most grateful to Weight Watchers for atm is teaching me how much I should eat for my size. B/c - and this sounds totally counter intuitive - but when I first started WW (w/ my old "diet" mentality) I had a really hard time getting all my points in every day. And I tell you I wasn't losing weight like I am now.

That sounds crazy right? I ate less and lost less. Well actually its not so crazy b/c if you eat too little for your size then your body goes into starvation mode and your metabolism slows way down and your weight loss stalls out. Given that I've never been this big before in my life I apparently had no clue what was a healthy amount to eat for my size so that I could be healthy but still lose weight.

So in order for me to start losing weight I actually had to loosen the reins up a bit. I know I'll have to tighten them back down later when my daily points allowance gets smaller (but then I'll be smaller too so it won't be painful). So I actually switched back from Fat Free Mayo to regular Mayo just so I could get the points. I actually like Fat Free Mayo (sick I know but its better than the low fat nastiness I tried when I was a kid) so it won't be any big deal to go back to that when I need to and for now I'm losing weight AND eating mayo and cheese on my sandwiches, both of which I initially cut out b/c "I was dieting".

Weird huh?

Also when I was seriously restricting my in take I was MUCH more likely to binge out. And ya know those cookies REALLY add up fast at 5 points EACH. My group leader, Julie, was totally right when she strongly encouraged us to not only eat all our daily points but to eat our whole weekly allowance too. And ya know what? I'm doing better now than I was then. Go figure!

Its only a matter of time

I had the coolest thought today: "Its only a matter of time". Which on the surface isn't that exciting of a thought. But I had it in regards to weight loss.

Me. Really.

I'm losing weight. I have lost 20 lbs and it wasn't even painful. I don't feel deprived. I feel like I could do this every day for the next 10 years and be okay with it.

I've joined Weight Watchers and I think I'm in love w/ the new Points Plus Program (no I am not being paid or perked in anyway to say this).

I tried WW about 10 years ago and I liked the old Points program okay but I found I was hungry a lot of the time so I didn't stick with it. But they've changed now to the new Points PLUS program and that Plus bit makes all the difference.

For those of you unfamiliar with WW, the gist is this: You eat your own food. In WW there are no "Off Limits" foods. You can eat anything. Really. With one small caveat: You have to have the points.

Every food you eat has a points value (well technically all fruit is zero points and most veggies - they say nobody had to join WW b/c they ate too many bananas lol). And the scale is weighted in favor of protein and fiber. So a food that is high in lean protein or high fiber is going to be lower points than say something of equivalent calories but that gets those calories from processed carbs or fat.

I really like the weighted Points scale of the Points Plus program because it means I'm not hungry all the time. I eat all my points every day and I am FULL. Its awesome.

In fact they give you a "Daily Points Allowance" thats based on your age, gender, height and current weight. You are supposed to eat at least your Daily Points Allowance every day. I say, "At least" b/c you also get a "Weekly Points Allowance". Now this Weekly Allowance is my friend. EVERYBODY gets 49 points a week extra to use as you want.

If you really want that cookie you can have it even if you've eaten all your Daily points as long as you still have room in your Weekly. Some people like to have a little something extra every day, other people prefer to save them up for a big night out or wedding or whatever. And believe me as long as you don't go CRAZY and massively binge out (just stop when you get full and eat your veggies first) I've personally found it very difficult to use ALL my weekly allowance in a single sitting. I didn't even manage it at Thanksgiving!

AND b/c this is a "life style change" and not a diet, WW is going to teach me how to maintain my weight once I get to goal. And once I get to my goal weight and maintain that for 6 weeks I become a "Lifetime Member" which means as long as I stay at goal I get to go to WW meetings FOR FREE. Forever. Seriously. How cool is that?!

And its even more cool than it sounds on the surface b/c there are lifetime members in my meetings that I go to (besides the staff) and some of those ladies have been there for 20 years! And they look great! Its a fantastic way for them to stay on track and motivated and given  my tendency to yo-yo my weight loss the thought of being able to be the same size for 20 years is just AWESOME. So its seriously motivating for me to see these folks who have done it and managed to keep the weight off. Which for me has always been the hardest part.

So yeah. I can do this. And its so so so exciting to feel like its really just a matter of time until I'm healthy, until my joints don't hurt, until I look on the outside like I feel on the inside. And that my friends is seriously cool.

I suffer from the paranoids

See I've got a problem - I suffer from the paranoids. Part of its inherited - my Dad was a cop and if you wanna know about paranoia have a cop for a father. He taught my sister and I VERY well. It also doesn't help that I love crime dramas on tv, movies, books etc and have read wayyyy too many true crime files.

Now with regard to myself and my personal safety I've mostly got my paranoids under lock and key. I'm mostly confident in my awareness of my surroundings and my abilities. I've thus far managed (with the grace of God) to stay safe *knock on wood*.

And sometimes - knowing the statistics that I know and the things/circumstances that have happened in my life (some of which I could or could not control) its kind of amazing to me that I have stayed safe when so, so many others in similar circumstances have not. I credit God totally on that one.

But now I have a whole new problem: I have a child. More particularly I have an as-yet non-verbal child. That means that he can't tell me if something isn't right. I can't ask him and get a direct response if everything is okay. I can't instruct him as well what is and is not okay. He's only 2. He's not there yet.

And I am so mind numbingly terrified to trust people with him. He's my baby. My precious. Its my job to protect him. Nobody on the 6'o'clock news says "Oh yeah they made me nervous but what can you do right?" No! Its ALWAYS, "I never, ever suspected anything was wrong.... I never saw it coming... I trusted them completely".

So I'm trying to come up with child care options and so very often its "Oh well so and so would work.... but I don't know their spouse... are they safe too?"

Part of me goes, "Well I just have to have faith that God will prompt me so that we can avoid those situations". But part of me goes, "Yeah well what about X, Y, Z people? Did God just not prompt their parents or were they not listening or was this just some sort of 'learning experience' they needed to have in their life?" and ya know I just can't wrap my mind around that option. This is my baby. Its my job to protect him.

How do you trust people? How do you trust their judgement of OTHER people? If I trust them, can I trust their judgement of the other person? ... The wife is always the last to know right?

The Paranoids. They're evil and obnoxious and keep me from sleep. I'm this paranoid and nothing happened to me personally... Just to so, so many people I know and love.....

How do you trust?