The Dark Side of eReaders

So welcome to the Dark Side of the eReader world.

I was initially VERY skeptical of the whole eReader concept. I thought I'd never give up my beloved books. And then I was gifted a Kindle for Christmas a couple years ago and I fell quickly and deeply in love. I could buy all the books I wanted. RIGHT NOW. I didn't have to wait until the store opened, or even be bothered with putting on clothes, finding shoes and dragging me and the kiddo down to the store in the vain hopes they had the title I wanted for a price I was willing to pay!

AND even better it solved my storage issue. Because I am a voracious reader when I get on a kick and I like buying books because I have issues with libraries and return dates (and even bigger issues with waiting lists to get the titles I want), and if I buy too many more books I'm going to have to buy a bigger house in order to have room to store all of the books. With the Kindle and the Cloud I could buy all the books I wanted and not have to worry about where to keep them. Miracle!

Then after almost a year of happy use, our Kindle died.

It was a dark moment. Adam pulled it out of his bag and the screen was all messed up. It looked like it had been shattered or something - not physically just the e-ink display had funky lines all across it and only part of it responded when you turned it on and off or even did a hard reset. Hard to read a book when you can only see the bottom left corner of the page.

So I called Amazon and mercifully it was still under warranty so they replaced it no questions asked. I was very pleased and we continued on our merry way.... until May 2nd.

May 2nd my Kindle worked perfectly for my first flight. I charged up during my layover. It worked great. I got on the plane, pulled out my Kindle to read while I waited for the rest of the folks to board and to my horror my screen was all screwed up. It was an exact repeat of the problem we'd had before. And my Kindle had been in the padded sleeve with my lap top that is unharmed.

Now I admit I was very grateful for Amazon's Cloud because I was able to whip out my Android smart phone and VERY quickly download a couple books for my flight so I wasn't completely with out entertainment but I admit I almost panicked at the thought of a 9 hour flight and nothing to do. 


But then I got home and called Amazon and learned I had a problem. My warranty is up. They won't replace my Kindle, even tho its died of the exact same mystery illness that claimed my first one for no good reason.

Oh but they'll offer me another Kindle for a discounted price. They want me to shell out another 80 bucks to buy something that has already died for no apparent reason... TWICE.

So I'm like well screw this noise I'll take me and my money over to Nook and see how we like them apples. I'd love a tablet like an iPad but my budget can barely handle a base line e-Ink reader atm so we'll go with it.

Thats when we discover the problem: all those nice books I bought on Kindle? Yeah the Nook can't read them. In fact if you don't have a Kindle the only thing capable of reading a Kindle Book is an Android or iOS tablet,  smart phone or a computer. Suck. (For the record Nook is the same way. If you buy it on Nook the Kindle can't read it. Only Android and Apple can read it besides Nook).

Now I've got a smart phone and a lap top, but the smart phone is really small and the battery isn't that great. And the lap top is just plain large (and the battery life is a joke).

I miss my eReader.

So here's the rock: Pay $80 every year for a new Kindle,  assuming that I were to buy a replacement at the discounted price and it dies after a year or so and they offer me the discount AGAIN on the next one. That doesn't sound like a lot but consider what I'm paying for books too and add to that fact that I'm already too cheap to pay for cable and thats A LOT of money.

And here's the hard place: Buy a tablet. A basic Android tablet will run you $250 easy and an iPad starts at $499. Ouch.

My options suck.

Do Me a Favor

I would just like to ask every body that I have to interact with to please do me one favor: Before you judge me, before you assume that the reason I do or do not do something that you think I should do or not do, and decide I'm just a horrible person because I don't operate the same way you do... maybe just maybe ask me why.

Cuz I might have a reason. It might be a stupid reason according to your way of thinking, but see the thing is that feelings are real, even if they're not the most logical and since they are real they have to be dealt with. And maybe I haven't gotten to where I can deal with those yet.

So maybe I don't do something I should do. Something you consider basic and only common courtesy. But maybe I don't because doing that hurts for reasons that really have nothing to do with the action itself. It hurts and every time I do it, I hate the entire experience. I loathe it. I don't like it when other people do it because it reminds me of the thing that hurts.

And because I'm a human being and we are wired to avoid pain I don't deal with the thing that hurts because to be honest I have no idea how and I'm not sure its even possible to fix in this life so I avoid those things that remind me of it.

So think me to be a horrible person. Think I lack common courtesy and basic decency.

But maybe think before you slam me yet again behind my back - to ask me WHY.

French Peasant Soup

I got the recipe from Rachael Ray's cookbook 365 No Repeats. She said this is her version of a soup she had on vacation in Bordeaux, France. Its super duper easy and a 30 min meal.

2 T EVOO (extra virgin olive oil)
1 small ham steak, chopped
2 carrots, chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
1 celery rib with its greens, chopped
1 leek, cleaned and sliced into half moons
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 large shallot, finely chopped
1 small head of cabbage, cut into large pieces
1 tsp sugar
kosher salt
4 cups chicken stock or broth (I used broth)
1 15-ounce can cannelloni beans
Coarse black pepper
Crusty Bread
(And she recommends having it with a bottle of Bordeaux wine but we skipped that step)

Head a soup pot over medium-high heat with the EVOO. Add the ingredients to the pot as you chop them: ham, carrots, onions, celery, leeks, garlic and shallots. Add the cabbage to the pot and sprinkle with salt and sugar, add 2 cups of water and cover pot and allow cabbage to steam for 15 mins.

Uncover pot, add the stock and the beans. Crank the heat up to boil, reduce to simmer and adjust salt and pepper to taste. Serve with crusty bread (and I added a big salad on the side).

Super tasty and very easy. Uses TONS of fresh veggies. She says it serves 4 but in my world that serves more like 8!

UPDATE: This recipe is 3 points plus per serving (assuming you claim the recipe makes 8 servings instead of 4).

Whats Taking So Long?!

So for those of you who are wondering if I'm EVER going to post "after" pics of my little book case project part of the dining room remodel I've got some progress shots to explain what the frick is taking so long....

See I got them all painted, AND all the shelves painted, which took forever b/c I had to do it in batches b/c of limited work space. Then I got them in place - the two on the right I painted, the two on the left I bought. I think I did a dang good job of color matching them if I say so myself. Please ignore all the clutter. Its a work in progress (thats my story and I'm stickin' to it).

I was ALL excited b/c it took FOREVER and many, many coats of paint and primer and finally the day had arrived and things had cured the proper time and I was going to put the shelves INTO the bookcase. *drum roll please*......

And then THIS happened putting JUST THE FIRST SHELF IN PLACE: 

Yes those are big fat narly scratches in my nice white paint. LOVELY. On both sides: 

See, even left chunks on the shelf below. 

I was SO not happy. I tried waiting a week to see if it needed more cure time before putting the next one in place. Didn't fix it. 

So now I need to fix my scratches, and then try putting a couple coats of varnish on there and see if that fixes it. I'm wondering if my deglosser is not as good as the deglosser used and recommended by John and Sherry of YoungHouseLove. I tried to find theirs but I couldn't find it anywhere down here (they're in VA). If the varnish isn't enough then I'm going to have to strip them down, sand them, degloss them again, then re-prime, re-paint and re-varnish. Its a birch veneer on those bookcases. Its wood so it *should* stick. 

But um, right now I'm so epically irked I really want to just take an axe to the whole project so for its safety I've been working on decluttering the rest of the house and enjoying working in the yard while the beautiful weather lasts. I'm gonna wait on touching them again until its safe for both of us. 

Did I mention that 3rd bookcases I was gonna repaint and didn't have room to do is gonna get sold and I'll use whatever money I can get from that to put towards buying a new already-white bookcase. I've decided my sanity is worth the cash. Next time I do something like this - I'll do ONE bookcase to test it and THEN decided to paint vs sell the others b/c now I've ruined these perfectly good brown-black bookcases so I can't sell them. I have to find a way to refinish them. 

And thats why we're STILL not done yet in there. *deep breaths*

Progress on the Yard 3

So its been a while and things are looking better in the back yard. I'll up date you on the front yard after I get finished w/ the post-spring clean up. But hey compared to the thigh high weeds and dirt when we first bought the place this thing has come a LONG ways!!

Don't mind the strip of dead grass in the middle. I learned that my electric lawn mower is not macho enough to handle stripping things short enough to over seed winter rye so we're gonna officially file that task under: best left to a professional. The stripe should go away soon enough. The bermuda is coming out of dormancy and I just fertilized everything yesterday. 

Here's the little gardenia I planted along the shady back fence. She's kept blooming like mad (smells amazing) so I'm hopful she'll do well there. 

Yeah I still haven't moved the cactus in the play ground area. I need to get to that too... Also the tree on the right there needs some serious clean up. Lots of dead branches.  

I used some of that "Ground Clear for 1 Year" stuff on the path on the left side there to test it b/c I was afraid the run off would kill my grass but its only killed a couple little 6" or so patches of grass there so I vote thats a go in my book. Its done a great job of keeping the weeds out of the bricks. 

Ahhh my little side alley. 2 of the 3 vines I planted turned out to not be able to handle the heat here in Phoenix. I was very sad. I really wish plant info tags has a maximum temp rating and not just a minimum. It would be really helpful here. AND the 3rd vine has been a learning experience. Did you know that jasmine comes in 2 varieties? Mounding and Vining. I wanted a vine to climb up the wall so guess which type I bought? Thats right mounding. Ahhhh sweet learning experiences. Also jasmine really likes her sun so while she lived, she did not thrive. So I dug up all 3 plants, disposed of the dead ones and transplanted the mounding jasmine over by my rose bushes for some ground cover. I've replaced all 3 vines with bouganvilla that I scored for a song at Costco a few weeks back. 

 Yup theres the cactus that still needs moving. But it has crazy beautiful flowers in spring so I really want to try to keep it alive if at all possible. Wish me luck. 

Isn't it crazy how much that rose bush in the back right has grown?! That thing was 3 sticks and 2 leaves and mostly dead in the shade by my front door when we bought this house. I transplanted it, pruned it and said if it survives the shock it should do fine. I think its doin pretty okay personally. Also the mini rose there in the front is crazy! That thing like exploded back from its pruning and is COVERED in buds. I love it. The green thing in the front left is the mounding jasmine which will hopefully be much happier soon, and you can't see it hardly at all because of the shade but in the rear left there is my newest tiny little rose bush that I got for 3 bucks and has the most amazing ruffled, fragrant lavender blossoms. I'll get you pictures as she grows up and gets gorgeous. 

Also can just say that I really miss mulch?! Everything looks so much better w/ a nice thick, dark layer of mulch but no you can't use that here b/c it turns to sawdust in a single season (or so I'm told) so what you do is rock. And well lets just say that while rock might last forever the start up cost is prohibitive. *sigh* So I'll just keep battling the weeds for my dirt patches I guess. *sigh*

Lessons I Still Need To Learn

I have issues advocating for myself. I mean, I'm a million percent better than I used to be and yet I still suck at it. And its weird because I have zero issues advocating for other people. I'm smart, I'm focused, I'm clear headed but when it comes to myself I am permanently that nerdy kid I was in school that stands there slack jawed in the face of the bully's attack and only comes up with the perfect retort hours later.

Or rather now I can stand up for myself but only when it doesn't really matter. I can smart off a retort w/ the best of them, but when its something important or really personal I still choke.

And I hate it and it makes me crazy and while I've made great progress I still have miles to go. And its so infuriating b/c mentally I know better. I know I don't deserve xyz, I know its wrong, I know I have a right to stand up for myself. If anybody tried this w/ somebody I cared about I'd take them off at the knees and not think twice about it. But when its me I'm just like, "durrrrrr...."

Really, really vexing and I'm not really sure how to get over it. B/c its not like it happens as much anymore now that I'm an adult so I don't exactly have a lot of opportunities for practice and also its uncomfortable so therefore I avoid it if at all possible, even if I don't admit to myself thats what I'm doing... So vexing.

Also I'm trying to find the balance between being positive with myself and being honest/realistic. B/c I've learned the hard way that negative self talk is bad. I mean really, really bad. I'd read for years in psych texts etc that its a bad thing but well I always blew that off and figured it didn't really make that big a difference. And believe you me - I was so good at negative self talk my mother once told me when I screwed something up, "I don't even have to yell at you b/c I know nothing I can say will compare to what you say to yourself".

But my sweet husband really changed all that. Anytime he'd hear me say something negative about myself he'd say, "Hey! Nobody talks smack about my wife!!" and I'd laugh and try not to do it. And after a couple years of that the difference is just amazing. I mean, I really can't understate what a positive thing this has been for my self esteem and my self image. I actually like what I see when I look in the mirror now. That act used to reduce me to tears. No, I don't look perfect, and I've got things I'd like to fix but I can see the good things for what they are now - as good things. The bad is in its proper perspective.

And yet... I have things I need to work on. My house is a permanent pit of filth. I have a whole stack of projects in a permanent state of "not done yet". I have things I have told people that I would get done that are not getting done. And I hate that. And so I need to figure out whats up and how to fix it etc. But my gut reaction is to berate myself. I want to say horrible things. And I'm not sure how to see a realistic view of whats going on b/c what I want to say is that I'm clearly a disgustingly lazy person who spends too damn much time on the internet.

And while there may well be more than a grain of truth there I also don't want to say that to myself. Or at least I want to make sure thats not the only thing going on. I want to also give myself some credit and point out that I potty trained my kid this week. So I didn't get my dining room remodel done, or a million other things but by golly my kid can poop in the potty now and for me in my life, thats huge.

But excuses are like butt holes - everybody has them and they all stink and I've got excuses for why my house is a mess but other people have wayyyyy crazier lives than mine (my sister for example) and she maintains a beautifully organized, practically spotless house. And I just think that it has to be possible. Other people do it all the time. If I could just get it done then I could maintain it and that would be easier and it would free me up for x, y and z. And yet I just don't know what my issue is that this is my goliath....

So how to honestly evaluate a situation, give myself credit, but not make excuses, be honest but not cruel to myself... I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Eating Enough

I know, I know its another post about weight loss but get over it b/c its whats on my mind so its whats gonna come out in my blog. *shrugs*

So one of the things I'm most grateful to Weight Watchers for atm is teaching me how much I should eat for my size. B/c - and this sounds totally counter intuitive - but when I first started WW (w/ my old "diet" mentality) I had a really hard time getting all my points in every day. And I tell you I wasn't losing weight like I am now.

That sounds crazy right? I ate less and lost less. Well actually its not so crazy b/c if you eat too little for your size then your body goes into starvation mode and your metabolism slows way down and your weight loss stalls out. Given that I've never been this big before in my life I apparently had no clue what was a healthy amount to eat for my size so that I could be healthy but still lose weight.

So in order for me to start losing weight I actually had to loosen the reins up a bit. I know I'll have to tighten them back down later when my daily points allowance gets smaller (but then I'll be smaller too so it won't be painful). So I actually switched back from Fat Free Mayo to regular Mayo just so I could get the points. I actually like Fat Free Mayo (sick I know but its better than the low fat nastiness I tried when I was a kid) so it won't be any big deal to go back to that when I need to and for now I'm losing weight AND eating mayo and cheese on my sandwiches, both of which I initially cut out b/c "I was dieting".

Weird huh?

Also when I was seriously restricting my in take I was MUCH more likely to binge out. And ya know those cookies REALLY add up fast at 5 points EACH. My group leader, Julie, was totally right when she strongly encouraged us to not only eat all our daily points but to eat our whole weekly allowance too. And ya know what? I'm doing better now than I was then. Go figure!