Sunday, September 30, 2012

Random Hopefulness and a little Gritching

My brain is running in so many different directions right now I'm not even sure where to start.

In some ways things are looking good. I mean GOOD. Like haven't looked this positive and like I'm standing on the cusp of supreme awesomeness in I'm not sure how long. I've got a lot of hope right now and it feels so good.

But on the other hand I'm really, intensely annoyed b/c this week I fell at the park while I was there with my son and I rolled my left ankle. Prior to Thursday that ankle was known as "The Good Ankle" b/c I rolled the other one ("The Bad Ankle") while I was in college, and b/c I was stupid and Macho I walked on the dang thing for a whole day until I wimped out and went to a doctor and caused all sorts of extra damage that way and it took FOREVER to heal.

So on the one hand, I'm grateful I learned from this because I have treated this injury properly from the first moment and I'm delighted to say that I amazed and how much better this one is doing than my other one did at the same number of days post injury. I can already weight bear on it for short periods with out wanting to scream. It took me over a week to be able to do that with the Bad one. The bruising is wayyyyy more spectacular on this one. But I think thats because I wrapped it right away so there was less swelling for the bruising to get through to get to the surface and be visible, and the other one, by the time the bruising got thru all that swelling it had healed....

But point is that I'm annoyed b/c its dissing my yoga and my work out routine. And I didn't realize how much I'd come to depend on that routine in such a short period of time. I mean really. Because of that routine I was feeling very zen and doing GREAT with my eating. I was tracking like 95% of the time. It was awesome.

And now I'm not working out (even missed some before I hurt my ankle b/c of trip prep and then travel and then trip recovery time) and now I am desperately craving baked goods. And so I'm trying journaling as a method of stress reduction that doesn't result in me breaking out in fat, hence this blog post.

I'm hopeful because the Hub is FINALLY making progress. He has a Serious video game habit. I've seen this card before on the web:

And half the women are going "EXACTLY!" and the other half are going "Sounds AWESOME TO ME!!" b/c they're gamer chicks. And well I have this to say to the gamer chicks: Yeah it sounds great until you're doing married single parenting or trying to run an entire household SOLO or having to keep the kitchen clean alllllllll by yourself even tho there are 3 people generating dirty dishes because you're the only one who can tear themselves away from a game long enough to give two shits that the dishes are dirty and going to kill you all in your beds b/c they've been left so long they've developed a malignant sentient intelligence.

And I was tired of his video game habit about .... 5 minutes after we got married. Well, more like with in a few months I discovered that it was a Problem and not just a minor annoyance. (I don't handle being ignored well). 

And there have been efforts in the past to "cut back". He stopped with the console gaming and gave up his WOW subscription. But the PC gaming stayed. And the ever present iPod Touch that was never further than arms length. But at least those were easier to crow bar him away from - I have an extremely limited tolerance for something that requires 30 minutes of work to get to a "Save" point. Children don't care if you've saved. They need you NOW. So those concessions were made - stick to games that were easier to break way from, but the games stayed. 

And the time stayed. Massive amounts of time. Even working full time, Massive Amounts Of Time. 

But long story short, its finally starting to cost him. Its cost me for years, but it didn't cost him anything (or he wouldn't admit that it did anyways) so he didn't change it. But his stress related illnesses have piled up to a point that require a serious change in behavior, and in order to create time for stress reducing habits the video game addiction has to be cut back. Because while the video game addiction might seem to reduce stress (it lets you go to your Nothing Box) it doesn't actually accomplish anything, and when you come back up the stress is still there only now its worse b/c you've procrastinated so now you need more video games to continue avoiding the problem. 

Its just like my stress eating (I get stressed so I eat, which makes me fatter, so I get more stressed, so I eat more) only different. 

Maybe its something about turning 30. All of the sudden the crap you got away with at 20 starts turning on you and you have to deal with your problems or die. 

And he is. And he's making AMAZING progress and its just so delightful. It really is. I'm almost afraid to relax and get used to it for fear it turn out to be a dream and get taken away. 

And so I'm excited and hopeful for REAL change. 

And the jewelry thing feels like its on the cusp of making REAL progress. The enameled leaves are turning out beautifully and I think they will sell well. And I have a batch of them all prepped and ready for enameling as soon as I can hobble over to the table and keep my leg down for long enough to do that with out paying for it later (keeping it ELEVATED helps). And I made some contacts at the Vintaj workshop that I'm really, really excited about. 

And I'm also feeling inspired that there are several other things I need to do after I get those things moving and I just wanna jump on it and do everything all at once and be wonder woman. But this stupid body is getting really obnoxious. I can't push it like I used to. I have to respect its limits and go for the slow and steady pace bit. Even if I don't want to. And this injury really isn't helping anything. But seriously if I do push it, I pay for it after. I get a migraine that wipes me out for a whole day. I have to keep the stress with in set limits or I accomplish NOTHING. Its SO annoying. 

Its like "You can go 35 mph all day every day for a whole week or you can do 90 mph for one day and then break down and sit on the side of the road for a day and a half after, your choice". And so even though 35 feels so abominably slow compared to what I want to do - b/c the mind is sparking and jumping and dancing around, the body just plods along and threatens to blow a gasket if you stress it out at all. 

If this is aging - it SUCKS. I'm not old enough for this crap. 

But I can see what it will be when it all comes together. When I FINALLY make REAL progress on all of my plots and plans and it will be AMAZING and awesome and full of the Win. And so I plod along. And hope that my stupid ankle heals sooner rather than later. I can already stand on it. Next I need to be able to bend it in all directions with out pain, once I can manage that I add some resistance, then more resistance, then finally toe raises etc. I'm gonna do my own PT this time. I've done this before with the other one and the doc went over all of it with me so I think I should be able to manage it. If I do everything I can and I still have a problem then we'll go to the professionals but if I can save money and be my own torture chamber concierge then we'll go with it. One step at a time. 

And in the mean time I'm gonna make lots, and lots, and lots of lists..... 

Friday, September 7, 2012

My Latest

Here's a work in progress shot. I promise I'll post more pics when I'm done.  (Sorry for the poor quality shot. This was done with my cell phone).


So I learned a lot about dentistry over the last week and a half. I had to go for my annual cleaning and you know the part (my least favorite part I might add) where they go around your whole mouth and jab you in the gums right between all of your teeth? Apparently its not JUST b/c they're sadists. There is actually a point this is activity. Who knew right?

So apparently the point of this torture is to check the depth of your "periodontal pockets" (aka the little gaps in ur gums btwn your teeth). B/c your little pockets there should only be 1-2 mm deep. If they are 3mm deep or more it means you've got some bacteria growing in there, which is bad b/c the bacteria like to set up shop, stretch out and make some leg room and basically push your gum away from your tooth. It will even go so far as to pop off all the little ligaments that hold your gums to your teeth to keep your teeth in place.

If your pockets are 5mm deep or more you get referred to a periodontist who will do mean, mean things to you in the name of trying to keep your teeth IN your mouth. B/c not only will that bacteria pop all those ligaments right off, if they get deep enough, they'll then erode the bone in your jaw holding your tooth in place. It will eventually get loose and fall the frick out.

Oh and get this - this whole terrifying business - doesn't hurt at all. It doesn't hurt right up until your teeth start poppin out of your head like some sort of terrifying hill-billy fashion statement.

And it gets even better - deeper than 5mm and you can't get those clean all by yourself at home. So THAT means you have to go back to the periodontist every couple months to have them clean it for you until you heal back up from the bottom. FUNNNNN. (And what they do is so mean they have to numb your mouth up first and often only do one half of your mouth at a time....)

So get this - this bacteria can set up shop inside of 24 hours. The bastages can make hard plaques that have to be scraped off by a dentist in just over 24 hours. Oh and those plaques make it easier for them to stick to the tooth, so they breed better and faster than they would have otherwise.

Good news is that apparently its anaerobic bacteria (doesn't need oxygen to survive and oxygen is actually toxic to it), so actually half the point of flossing is just to get oxygen down below the gumline to kill those little mud suckers.

So I had made the switch from flossing less frequently w/ actual floss to flossing more frequently but w/ those little floss pick things b/c they're so convenient right? Well apparently they're not as effective as the actual floss b/c you can't wrap it AROUND the tooth like you're supposed to. Whiners. Which is why my pockets were more like 3-4s. And if I get any worse it will not be well with me. So guess who is switching back to regular floss and just found ALLLLLLL new motivation to do so DAILY no matter HOW tired I am. (Btw there is definitely a right way and a wrong way to floss and if you're not 100% sure that you know what you're doing - aka you haven't had a dental professional approve how you're doing it - then please be careful. If you jam the floss down there and saw you can actually do more harm than good).

Also I'm grateful for a very helpful hygienist who took the time to explain what they frick they meant when they say, "Oh you're all ones and twos, so you're good." My response: *smile, nod, pretend to have a clue*. Where as in this most recent visit "Well you're more like 3s and 4s this time so you really need to watch it." Me: "Say wha?" And she very nicely took the time to explain to me (with a very helpful diagram I might add) what that meant and why. And I'm like "Oooooohhhhhh. But my mouth doesn't hurt at all." Her: "Nope it won't. At least not until you're bleeding out the mouth every time you brush your teeth." Me: "Ewwwww...."

Ya know I had this dentist when I was a teenager tell me "How ever many teeth you want to keep thats how many you should floss. If you want 1 tooth, then floss just the 1 tooth. If you want all of them then you have to floss all of them." Well he was kind of a butthead so I mostly blew him off. I just found my cleanings went better (with less of the painful gouging) if I flossed on a semi regular basis so I did it, mostly. Well now that I'm 30 I'm finding all new motivation to take GOOOOOD good care of my mouth.

Who knows, I might even start bonding w/ Listerine... Not sure I'm that macho tho...

(Note: The hygienist didn't go quite this fully in depth with me. She just said enough to make me really curious so I went home and me and the google bonded and wikipedia came a long for the ride and we learned a bunch of fascinating crap about teeth.)