I just wanted to apologize to anybody who actually read my last post. I blame the hor-moan-ies. (No pun intended, Im trying to capture the pronunciation from My Big Fat Greek Wedding).
The good news is sometimes you just have to hit bottom, have a pity party and cry for a bit to get your husbands attention. LOL
After a long talk w/ the Hub, we then both jumped in and did some cleaning including moving the filing cabinet to its new home (where it is INFINITELY more functional and accessible) and then my Wonderful and Amazing Husband took it upon himself to do some cleaning in the kitchen/dining room AND catch up on the bulk of the filing backlog in that room.
Its a frickin miracle. He cleared over half the floor AND counter space. You can see my kitchen counters, floors and kitchen table ALL at the same time!! Really!
So that has helped me to feel infinitely better about life and I even managed to get ALL THREE COATS of acrylic varnish sealer stuff on the book cases and shelves so they are all set out to dry and cure up and then we'll be able to throw the bookcases together FINALLY which will empty out that back bedroom nicely in time for my folks to come stay for Christmas.
Life is definitely looking up.
Its a miracle.
I am Ami and this is my little corner of the interweb to pollute as I see fit. Sometimes I'll be boring, sometimes I might even be funny. I can guarantee I'll be random, verbose, occasionally deep, and I'll definitely over share. This is probably the closest a person can get to seeing the actual contents of the inside of my head. Stay if you enjoy my ranting, go if you don't. Either one is okay because here, I write for me.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
I'm in a bad mood
Do you ever just hate your house and think there is no way in hell you are ever going to get this disgusting pit of filth clean?
Cuz that's where I am at right now. I am never going to manage to get this god awful hell hole clean. I'm entirely ready to just pile everything up in the yard, light a match and just start over. I think I will manage to reach my goal weight before I manage to conquer this mess.
I don't even want to try any more because in order to actually fix it I will have to do major gut and purge work and while I do that my back will be turned on the rest of the filth that will breed with abandon while I'm not looking. And gut and purge work always generates terrifying mess while its in process anyways and I think if this gets much worse we won't actually be able to move and the health department may actually shut us down.
And I have to conquer it bc my parents are coming for Christmas and there's no where for them to stay atm bc we have succeeded in covering every effing flat surface (save most of the floor but gimme one more week there...) with crap, crap and more crap.
And it just makes me angry and I want to throw things and smash things and I'm not usually the destructive type but right now I feel like I'm up against Goliath alone and with my hubby and kid and 3 cats are workin their hardest to generate as much filth as possible to undermine the ground I'm standing on.
And for some reason I'd really rather read a book or sleep right now than deal with my life.
I wish I could have my mommy here to help me dig my way out of this pit bc she loves me and really wouldn't judge me like I deserve to be judged for lettin my house get this bad. Anybody else would judge me and they'd be right to do so.
Times like now I envy my sister her anxiety disorder. She freaks out/stresses out like this and she had to clean everything. I get stressed and just want to curl up in my little stress ball fetal position and hide. Either way I would feel like shit but at least I could feel like shit in a clean house and that seems to bring her some measure of comfort instead of me just adding to my problems.
Cuz that's where I am at right now. I am never going to manage to get this god awful hell hole clean. I'm entirely ready to just pile everything up in the yard, light a match and just start over. I think I will manage to reach my goal weight before I manage to conquer this mess.
I don't even want to try any more because in order to actually fix it I will have to do major gut and purge work and while I do that my back will be turned on the rest of the filth that will breed with abandon while I'm not looking. And gut and purge work always generates terrifying mess while its in process anyways and I think if this gets much worse we won't actually be able to move and the health department may actually shut us down.
And I have to conquer it bc my parents are coming for Christmas and there's no where for them to stay atm bc we have succeeded in covering every effing flat surface (save most of the floor but gimme one more week there...) with crap, crap and more crap.
And it just makes me angry and I want to throw things and smash things and I'm not usually the destructive type but right now I feel like I'm up against Goliath alone and with my hubby and kid and 3 cats are workin their hardest to generate as much filth as possible to undermine the ground I'm standing on.
And for some reason I'd really rather read a book or sleep right now than deal with my life.
I wish I could have my mommy here to help me dig my way out of this pit bc she loves me and really wouldn't judge me like I deserve to be judged for lettin my house get this bad. Anybody else would judge me and they'd be right to do so.
Times like now I envy my sister her anxiety disorder. She freaks out/stresses out like this and she had to clean everything. I get stressed and just want to curl up in my little stress ball fetal position and hide. Either way I would feel like shit but at least I could feel like shit in a clean house and that seems to bring her some measure of comfort instead of me just adding to my problems.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
The Problem With Fiction
See this is why my reading new fiction is dangerous. I almost never have this problem with non fic no matter how fascinating it is. But when it comes to good fiction... I lack... Middle gears. Even if I do manage I tell myself to go to bed, and put the book down, my brain still won't let me sleep. I have.to. Know. What happens NEXT. I'm like one of those animals with lock jaw that latches on to something and can't let go for love or money.
If I didn't have plans I can't easily weasel out of tomorrow I'd just say screw it and stay up all night but I need sleep and so I'm layin here, futilely trying to sleep and failing miserably.
And this is why I reread old books. They're safer that way. I can actually put them down (usually, provided its not the good part) when I need to and get my brain back from them. I don't latch on like a limpet. I can moderate. But tonight it was this or cake and I had 52.8 running through my head so I chose this.
Maybe telling you about it will sufficiently exorcise my demons and I will sleep. Also I'm typing this via the blogger mobile app on my phone an not proof reading so we apologize in advance.
If I didn't have plans I can't easily weasel out of tomorrow I'd just say screw it and stay up all night but I need sleep and so I'm layin here, futilely trying to sleep and failing miserably.
And this is why I reread old books. They're safer that way. I can actually put them down (usually, provided its not the good part) when I need to and get my brain back from them. I don't latch on like a limpet. I can moderate. But tonight it was this or cake and I had 52.8 running through my head so I chose this.
Maybe telling you about it will sufficiently exorcise my demons and I will sleep. Also I'm typing this via the blogger mobile app on my phone an not proof reading so we apologize in advance.
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