Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I'm in a bad mood

Do you ever just hate your house and think there is no way in hell you are ever going to get this disgusting pit of filth clean?

Cuz that's where I am at right now. I am never going to manage to get this god awful hell hole clean. I'm entirely ready to just pile everything up in the yard, light a match and just start over. I think I will manage to reach my goal weight before I manage to conquer this mess.

I don't even want to try any more because in order to actually fix it I will have to do major gut and purge work and while I do that my back will be turned on the rest of the filth that will breed with abandon while I'm not looking. And gut and purge work always generates terrifying mess while its in process anyways and I think if this gets much worse we won't actually be able to move and the health department may actually shut us down.

And I have to conquer it bc my parents are coming for Christmas and there's no where for them to stay atm bc we have succeeded in covering every effing flat surface (save most of the floor but gimme one more week there...) with crap, crap and more crap.

And it just makes me angry and I want to throw things and smash things and I'm not usually the destructive type but right now I feel like I'm up against Goliath alone and with my hubby and kid and 3 cats are workin their hardest to generate as much filth as possible to undermine the ground I'm standing on.

And for some reason I'd really rather read a book or sleep right now than deal with my life.

I wish I could have my mommy here to help me dig my way out of this pit bc she loves me and really wouldn't judge me like I deserve to be judged for lettin my house get this bad. Anybody else would judge me and they'd be right to do so.

Times like now I envy my sister her anxiety disorder. She freaks out/stresses out like this and she had to clean everything. I get stressed and just want to curl up in my little stress ball fetal position and hide. Either way I would feel like shit but at least I could feel like shit in a clean house and that seems to bring her some measure of comfort instead of me just adding to my problems.

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