Pre Op Liquid Diet: Day 8

I apologize for not posting on Day 7 but it was New Years Eve. Also I was in a rotten mood about my eating. Day 6 I was thinking this diet wasn’t that bad now I had gotten used to it. Day 7 I hate it with a passion and would give all the things to eat some freaking vegetables. I mean pickles have almost no calories. Why can’t I have a damn pickle?!? *sigh*

Bc will power is a muscle that gets stronger when you exercise it and I’d rather exercise it now when screwing up means almost nothing vs sending me back to the hospital post op. Yes I am here to shrink my liver, but I am also here to practice before the big day. It’s sucks but if I had an alternative with an acceptable outcome I would be doing that and not this. So.

Day 8: I watched my family eat one of my all time favorite comfort foods. Onion dip and ruffles potato chips. I never make that unless I have a crowd to feed it to bc it it’s one of those rare foods that just short circuits my brain and I have extreme difficulty making myself eat a reasonable portion size of it. It’s one of the ultimate “just one more bite” foods for me. It was almost painful to not eat any of that. Not a single bite. But I did it. Even when my toddler was doing her best to literally shove food into my mouth, I just fed her and not me. Kid is a helluva food pusher. Lol But she’s 21 months and deep in the “Monkey See Monkey Do” phase and Mommy feeds her all the time so....

Today I had a hard time bc for some reason no matter which flavor I drank the chemical aftertastes of the shakes just seemed overwhelming and I had a hard time making myself consume the minimum calories. Had to remind myself my self control will get short circuited by my biology if I start actually starving myself instead of just severely restricting. Got my 3rd shake of the day down.

Back Story: Part 1
So how do you get to the point where you’re willing to pay someone to mutilate your guts and permanently screw with your digestive system? Well the first time I lost 55lbs I was 16 years old. I did it in like 3.5 months doing the Atkins thing. I even cheated on the weekends. But the weight fell off. Over the next year and a half I gained about 20 of it back. Then I started college, had a ridiculous series of injuries and a few other medical problems that led to me taking steroids for like a year and a half and the end result was all the weight I lost back plus another 25-30 pounds. And that’s basically the story of weight loss life. I have found a dozen ways to lose weight that work well for me. At least for a while. They all become less effective the longer I’m on them as my body ramps up the fight. All told I’ve lost 70 lbs, 60, 50, 40 twice, 30 a couple more times and 10-20 another close to a dozen times. Every single time the end result long term no matter how I fight it or what I do, the second I stop beating it off with a stick, even if I’m careful, it all comes back and it brings friends it met on vacation and I wind up 10-15 lbs heavier than when I started.

I’ve been flat out terrified the last 5 years or so to even try to diet bc I couldn’t afford to get any larger. I was way past the thresholds I had set as my “this far and no further” lines. Then I read this article on Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/fat-officially-incurable-according-to-science/ and I was mad. Then furious. Then depressed. Disbelieving. You name it. But I started reading the source articles. That was really depressing bc they’re annoyingly legitimate. But it started me seriously pondering surgery for the first time.

I’ll write more back story later. It’s past my bedtime. Y’all have a good night.

Update! I forgot today’s shake!
Actually I drank this yesterday. This is the best vanilla shake I’ve found so far: (read:the only one I can drink more than once). And it’s pretty decent. Reminds me of the old Slim Fast Protein Vanilla shakes I drank back in college in the early ‘00s.  It’s pretty tasty but currently hard to find in large containers.