Pre Op Liquid Diet: Day 14

I did it. 14 days of protein shakes and no real food. I survived. I kicked it’s butt. Mostly. I am incredibly grateful that that part is over. LOL

Tomorrow is The Day!!! I’m almost all prepped and ready. Maybe I’ll be able to sleep tonight but the odds aren’t great. Lol Either way I’ll definitely sleep tomorrow! The drugs’ll make sure of that. If I can, I’ll post. If I’m too drugged, I won’t!

See ya on the flip side, y’all!

If you wanna know what exhausted, hopeful determination looks like, this is it:

Pre Op Liquid Diet: Day 13

I’m at the point in my pre op prep where my quality of life is being significantly impaired. And it’s not just that I had to stare down my entire family eating delicious hot, fresh garlic bread (the rest of the big Sunday dinner looked great too but I woulda killed for that garlic bread tonight), it’s not the 5 millionth shake (which btw do not contain nearly enough fiber). No, right now its the fact I’m not allowed to have Advil or Melatonin the week before surgery and there is definitely a reason why I take those pills.

One of the “upsides” to rapidly regaining weight after having my 2nd kid (I’m the only pregnant woman I know who has to work to not lose weight the entire pregnancy) due to extenuating circumstances is that it makes the ways it impacts your life really obvious. And the first and biggest thing that being extra fluffy does is make everything hurt. Your back, hips, knees and ankles are Not Happy. And I usually buy their forgiveness on the bad days with Advil so that I can sleep. I cannot do this right now. Bc NSAIDs increase bleeding during surgery. And not having them stinks. A lot. And bc melatonin is on the list of natural supplements that you have to stop pre op as well bc they can interact with drugs in the OR, I can’t even try just knocking myself out and sleeping through the pain. Which is to say I want a medal for getting me and 3 kids to church this morning on about 2.5 hours of sleep.

Whine whine moan whine carry on. Yes I would like cheese to go with my whine and okay I’m done.

JUST ONE MORE DAY, Y’ALL!!! One more!! We can do one!

I’m not excited about the pain of surgery but I am so excited to finally get this done. It almost doesn’t feel real that the day is almost really here but I’m amazingly ecstatic about it! Lol

On Congressmen, Religious Beliefs and Priorities Of

I need to express my thoughts. I’ve seen a number of posts now on FB by people freaking out that some individuals were sworn into Congress using the Quran instead of the Bible (side note: one was sworn in on a law book which amused me to no small end) and the question that really set me off the most, I think, was one asking, “Do you really believe they have America’s best interest at heart?”

And I’m going to refrain from sharing my initial reply as it was both profane and inflammatory which is not conducive to the rest of my thoughts and start with: Yes. Because them saying they are Muslim no more makes them evil than you saying you’re Christian makes you Christlike. Lest we ever forget that both the KKK and Westboro Baptist both claim to be Christian organizations. But they are generally considered extremists and “not real Christians” by mainstream Christianity. Well, guess what? That’s how ISIS and the Taliban are viewed by most Muslims!

I feel for the Muslims when yet another news report about the extremists hits the TV like I feel for me when one of the “Mormon Separatists” groups hits the news. It’s this *facepalm and cringe*, “No, we are not related or remotely like those crazy psychos. So please, don’t lump us together”.

It reminds me of when JFK was elected and there were people freaking out because he was Catholic *Gasp & clutch pearls!* So clearly he was secretly an agent of the Vatican and would take orders from the pope and not put the American people first! Sound familiar?

That was 1960. This is 2019. We have to be better. Learn from it. Don’t repeat it.

One of the core tenents of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints as stated in the Articles of Faith (a document written by Joseph Smith for a newspaper article that asked what it was those “Mormons” believed) - Verse 11 states: “We claim the privilege of worshipping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may”.

I believe this and I will fight for this. For the respect and dignity of those good people in this world who worship whatever higher power they chose, or not as may be the case. Because I have not forgotten that once my people were not allowed this privilege. That once my people had an extermination order issued against them by the state of Missouri. That it was legal and encouraged to hunt down and kill members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints because of fear and bigotry. And we begged the President of the United States, Martin Van Buren, for relief and he did nothing. That because of this fear and this bigotry and misinformation, in the dead of winter, my people had to stage a mass exodus and leave their homes and flee a thousand miles across the plains to a desert on the coast of a dead salt lake to find sanctuary. I have not forgotten the thousands whose lives were lost on that trek.

“Farewell Nauvoo” by Glenn Hopkinson

So yes, I can believe that a good person who reads a different book of scripture and worships a different God can have American’s best interest at heart.

Pre Op Liquid Diet: Day 12

I’m on to them, y’all. They claim the pre op liquid diet is to shrink your liver so surgery is faster and easier and you have practice not eating when it comes time that eating a single bite could put you in the hospital. And yeah those are both partially true. The full truth tho is that they’re torturing you with a special hell known as nothing but protein shakes so that when you get a look at the comparatively lax post op liquid diet, it looks so gloriously varied and there’s just so many beautiful options, that it looks simply glorious and I bet their compliance rate goes through the roof. Bc let me tell y’all that the first time I got a look at this list of options*:

There was a whole lot of “please gag me with a spoon”. Now I’m like omg excited about puréed and strained soups which are usually my least favorite kind! Fat free canned cream of whatever soup- something I’ve never eaten straight before! Now I’m excited! Then I was like-  That’s not something you eat straight, that’s an ingredient to a good casserole! Lol 

Also post op they encourage us to make the protein shakes more flavorful. We can’t add fruit but we can purée with ice and add things like powdered peanut butter, sugar free syrups, cocoa powder or pumpkin pie spice! 

And all these things I would have once turned my nose up at now all look and sounds gloriously amazing!! Like I can’t wait to have surgery so I can have all these amazing options!! LOL It’s wrong y’all. This is what 12 days of this diet have done to my mind! 

I went to one of my family’s favorite bbq joints today and didn’t eat a single bite of anything. I kinda want a medal. Lol 

2 more days. Just 2!! We can do this. 10 more shakes! I’m gonna make it! The end is near! But in a good way! Lol 

*please note that’s not the full diet description that’s just 1 screen of 9 from that portion of the nutritionists presentation. 

Pre Op Liquid Diet: Day 10

Only 4 days left on this round of liquid diet!! I am so sick of drinking these shakes that that number is really, very exciting!

Today to try to get my calorie count up where it should be I drank like 2 more shakes. And part of me is like going I should be “Yay Food” but it’s more like “Omg more of this crap?!” I really want more flavors but the issue I’m having right now is I wasn’t desperate enough to try the funky flavors before bc as I’ve mentioned I only drink these things usually a couple times a week and now that I am I can’t find them in the stores. Sams used to have a huge display with like 5-6 different flavors just of the Premiere shakes but they did away with it for the holidays and stripped it back to just chocolate and vanilla. In the last week I’ve searched Sams, Walmart and Costco to no avail. I’ll try Target next it’s just that there’s limits to the toddler’s patience. So far I’ve been avoiding powders bc I hate gritty, chalky more than words can tell but I may get that desperate and very soon.

I really can’t over state how much I don’t really like these things. I mean the “good ones” I still drink using a straw that I put at the back of my mouth and then chug it as fast as possible so I don’t have to really taste it. I am genuinely concerned about post op when I’m supposed to drink these things for 2 weeks but I won’t be allowed to use a straw, so I have to sip it and let it coat my whole tongue. And it’s going to take time bc my stomach will be a 150ml (approx 5oz) pouch and the shakes are more like 11oz. So that’s many sessions of sipping just to get down a single shake. I’m like can I add more protein powder to make it more concentrated so I don’t have to eat as much of this stuff?? I mean sure I could just starve and lose even more but I really do like my organs, muscles and hair etc so I’m not in a big hurry to have my body eat those instead of my fat.

I’m hopeful it will be okay for 2 reasons: 1. Post op lots of people’s tastes buds are different so maybe I won’t care! And 2. I ordered the starter kit from Unjury last night. It’s a medical grade protein my surgeon’s dietician highly recommends and it claims to be the best tasting protein. They have 2 prepared options and then a bunch of powders. Everything from strawberry to chicken soup. And let me tell you the savory options sound amazing. I’m so tired of sweet. So so tired. But so the kit has 2 of everything to taste and then I know what to order more of. Worst case scenario I got to have a bunch of variety which sounds glorious about now and best case, it really is better and I find something that’s actually Good and not just “good”. So *fingerscrossed*, y’all.

Today’s Protein Shake: 
This is another chocolate option. I keep debating whether yesterday’s Premiere option or this one is my favorite chocolate so far and I can’t decide. The biggest difference is that one is 30g of protein and this one is only 20. Either way they sell both in the big cases at Costco and Sams!

UPDATE: Oh and by the way I busted out the tape measure last night and I’m 1.25 inches down off my hips, waist, and upper tummy! (It wasn’t just in my head!) 

Pre Op Liquid Diet: Day 9

Only SIX days left of Liquid Diet Round 1! WHOOP!

Today we dealt with Pre Op Labs. My paperwork says 7-10 days before surgery I have to call the hospital and set up with them to go do my pre op labs. Well Day 10 was a Saturday, and then New Year's happen so today, Day 7 was The Day. So I called first thing this morning and they went "You wanna come in today or tomorrow?" This afternoon was clear so we made the voyage down there. 1 hour and 40 mins to pee in a cup, draw 4 vials of blood (these people have consistently good vampires for which I am grateful), do an EKG and get all my history and meds etc with an EXTREMELY crabby toddler along for the ride (there were fishies in registration and life was good, upstairs there were no fishies and life was not okay, even the phone and M&Ms would not make it okay. Apparently the girl likes her fish). Pro tip that will make your next EKG go nice and fast (as they should be) - make sure the individual leads are firmly plugged into the machine..... Word.

Also I sat down and started going through my mountain of paperwork I have accumulated from the doctor. And apparently I've been starving myself slightly more than necessary. I had it in my head that it was 500-700 calories a day. Apparently its actually 700-900 calories. Whoopsies. Had the rest of it right at least. In good news I haven't felt weak or shaky and no headaches in spite of my under-eating this week.  I'm handling the taste of the shakes a little better today which is nice since I now have to make sure I drink 1-2 more of those a day than I was before. *sigh*

In my defense when I did my Pre Op Consult with the RN at the docs office and we went through that mountain of paperwork AGAIN, she said that if I was drinking the Premier shakes mostly I would mostly need like 3 of them instead of 5. She went so far as to say I could drink a half a one as a snack if I was starving. So I just went with it. I drank 3 shakes a day and if I was hungry I went with one of the 100 calorie alternate brand shakes to get me through to bed time. Having done the math myself just now at 160 calories each I HAVE to drink at least 4.3 of these things a day just to hit 700 so we're just gonna bless her heart on her math skills.

I am not a liquid diet person. I know there are people that drink protein shakes like ALL THE TIME. I am NOT those people. I do keep some in the fridge b/c I'm a single mother of 3 and sometimes when I'm running, I feed the kids and forget to feed me (at least I remembered the children, right??). And all the fast things are sky high in carbs and/or fat. And skipping meals gives me migraines so if I have to grab something and go the shake is the better choice usually. But thats a couple times a week max. Not 4-5 times a day. And I LOVE vegetables. And fruit. I really do. And I miss them so bad right now. Bad.

Surgery is ONE week from today, y'all!

Today’s Shake:
This shake has been my go to in the fridge for the last year shake. It has the most protein of any of the shakes I drink and the flavor is pretty decent. AND I can get it in the jumbo cases for cheap all the time at both Costco and Sam's Club.

Pre Op Liquid Diet: Day 8

I apologize for not posting on Day 7 but it was New Years Eve. Also I was in a rotten mood about my eating. Day 6 I was thinking this diet wasn’t that bad now I had gotten used to it. Day 7 I hate it with a passion and would give all the things to eat some freaking vegetables. I mean pickles have almost no calories. Why can’t I have a damn pickle?!? *sigh*

Bc will power is a muscle that gets stronger when you exercise it and I’d rather exercise it now when screwing up means almost nothing vs sending me back to the hospital post op. Yes I am here to shrink my liver, but I am also here to practice before the big day. It’s sucks but if I had an alternative with an acceptable outcome I would be doing that and not this. So.

Day 8: I watched my family eat one of my all time favorite comfort foods. Onion dip and ruffles potato chips. I never make that unless I have a crowd to feed it to bc it it’s one of those rare foods that just short circuits my brain and I have extreme difficulty making myself eat a reasonable portion size of it. It’s one of the ultimate “just one more bite” foods for me. It was almost painful to not eat any of that. Not a single bite. But I did it. Even when my toddler was doing her best to literally shove food into my mouth, I just fed her and not me. Kid is a helluva food pusher. Lol But she’s 21 months and deep in the “Monkey See Monkey Do” phase and Mommy feeds her all the time so....

Today I had a hard time bc for some reason no matter which flavor I drank the chemical aftertastes of the shakes just seemed overwhelming and I had a hard time making myself consume the minimum calories. Had to remind myself my self control will get short circuited by my biology if I start actually starving myself instead of just severely restricting. Got my 3rd shake of the day down.

Back Story: Part 1
So how do you get to the point where you’re willing to pay someone to mutilate your guts and permanently screw with your digestive system? Well the first time I lost 55lbs I was 16 years old. I did it in like 3.5 months doing the Atkins thing. I even cheated on the weekends. But the weight fell off. Over the next year and a half I gained about 20 of it back. Then I started college, had a ridiculous series of injuries and a few other medical problems that led to me taking steroids for like a year and a half and the end result was all the weight I lost back plus another 25-30 pounds. And that’s basically the story of weight loss life. I have found a dozen ways to lose weight that work well for me. At least for a while. They all become less effective the longer I’m on them as my body ramps up the fight. All told I’ve lost 70 lbs, 60, 50, 40 twice, 30 a couple more times and 10-20 another close to a dozen times. Every single time the end result long term no matter how I fight it or what I do, the second I stop beating it off with a stick, even if I’m careful, it all comes back and it brings friends it met on vacation and I wind up 10-15 lbs heavier than when I started.

I’ve been flat out terrified the last 5 years or so to even try to diet bc I couldn’t afford to get any larger. I was way past the thresholds I had set as my “this far and no further” lines. Then I read this article on Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/fat-officially-incurable-according-to-science/ and I was mad. Then furious. Then depressed. Disbelieving. You name it. But I started reading the source articles. That was really depressing bc they’re annoyingly legitimate. But it started me seriously pondering surgery for the first time.

I’ll write more back story later. It’s past my bedtime. Y’all have a good night.

Update! I forgot today’s shake!
Actually I drank this yesterday. This is the best vanilla shake I’ve found so far: (read:the only one I can drink more than once). And it’s pretty decent. Reminds me of the old Slim Fast Protein Vanilla shakes I drank back in college in the early ‘00s.  It’s pretty tasty but currently hard to find in large containers.