Tuesday, January 17, 2012

It looks like depression but its not

What I have right now is long term sleep deprivation. I used to be like this all the time and didn't know any different, but now that I know what the difference is I can't hardly see straight.

I have no energy. I lack interest in my usual out lets. I don't cook anymore. I don't clean unless I have to.

The problem is that I don't sleep well with out medication. Just melatonin is all it takes for me to sleep like a baby and wake up refreshed and feeling like a million bucks. The problem is that melatonin stops my period. That sounds like a really great side effect until you consider that I'd like to get pregnant sooner rather than later.

But right now with all the health problems Adam is having I think I'll get struck by lightening before I get pregnant. It took 6 months of dedicated effort to get pregnant with Caleb. My sister gets pregnant if she shares soap with her husband. Me? It takes WORK. Don't ask me why. God has a sick sense of humor.

But I'm not getting any younger. I'm gonna be 30 next month. And I really hate being pregnant and I'd MUCH much rather get the icky, stick phase over with so we can move on with life. But I just don't see how thats going to happen really.

At least not any time soon. So I guess in some ways it would be way more intelligent to just go back on the pills so I can function and feel better until Adam gets his health issues resolved. But I'm really gonna have to pray about it first I think...

Thanks for listening to me ramble.

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