Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Life Path

Since my post on Speech and Hearing I've really been pondering how my hearing loss has affected my path in life and its been fascinating to me to really notice the way that the hand of the Lord has shaped my life. I really truly have no idea what He is shaping it into since every single time I've tried to plan any thing He has gently but firmly pushed it onto a different path.

The first time I was ever really aware that my hearing loss would affect my life path was when I was a little kid and we were learning about astronauts and man oh man did I think that was cool. And I wanted to be an astronaut so bad. And then they told us how to be an astronaut you had to have perfect vision and hearing. My little heart sunk. I wore glasses AND I needed hearing aids. So much for that plan.

The next time I was at girls camp as a teenager. I was assisting the nurse, who was a cardiac ICU nurse professionally, with a mad rush of girls who all had a bad case of mass hysteria. (One of them had been an idiot and didn't drink her water and passed out in the middle of the hike. They were all first years and it was all downhill from there). After it was all over the nurse told me that she knew what my calling in life was. I was supposed to be an ER doctor b/c I had a gift.

And all I could think was, "What if, in an emergency situation, I heard something wrong? Or didn't hear something important and somebody died b/c I didn't hear something critical?" No. I might go into medicine but all of the more intense avenues were closed to me b/c I couldn't take the risk.

I had the 2nd highest score on the ASVAB at my high school that year. I was being stalked left and right by every branch of the military (I wasn't interested b/c I dislike being yelled at) but they all left me alone after I told one of them they didn't want me b/c I was deaf.

I've been watching too many spy shows lately (Chuck and Burn Notice) and I just can't help but think theres no way I could do that. You have to hear too well.

The FBI was out for the same reason.

God gave me an above average dose of the brains and then closed off dozens of avenues where I could have used them b/c of my hearing loss.

And then theres other ways he's shaped my life. I had no intention of going on a mission when I did. I figured I'd go after I graduated if I wasn't married. And yet He very gently but firmly thwacked me upside the head until I got the message and instead I dropped out of college between my junior and senior year to take time out for an 18 month mission.

And I can say with out reservation that that mission was the single best thing I've ever done for my whole life.

The multitude of hurdles that God overcame to bring my husband and I together ( I'll tell you the story sometime). I mean we were 1200 miles and a few worlds apart. And yet it clicked and there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I was supposed to marry him. I might have wondered what God was thinking on occasion (love ya honey!) but I never once doubted that I was supposed to marry him.

And then there was this move to Phoenix. We were going to live here for 6-8 months tops. Adam had 6 months left on his apartment lease and we were going to apply to graduate schools and then move where ever we got into school.

Then we got a big dose of reality and realized we could afford to have one but not both of us in class. And since I wanted to stay home with my small children that I wanted to give birth to BEFORE I turned 35 it needed to be Adam who went to school first. AND in order for Adam to get into the program he wanted to get into he needed at least 2 years of work experience.

Thus we have us staying here. In Phoenix. One of the two places I swore I didn't want to live. (God has a sick sense of humor).

And yet, I've been blessed with some truly remarkable friends in the time I've been here. And I've been given an incredible opportunity to discover that I truly love jewelry and that its a medium that I excel at more than any other medium I've ever tried. And I want to get a Masters of Fine Arts for sure no matter what other paths my life takes and thats definitely nothing I EVER foresaw myself doing.

And then there's my Caleb. My precious boy who took forever to conceive. And there's kid number 2. I've been trying on and off to get pregnant for a LONG time now. And things keep coming up and its just not clicking. And so all the timing I always swore I'd have between my kids (2-3 years tops) is going to get completely blown out of the water at this rate. And I just don't know what Heavenly Father has planned at this point.

But isn't interesting to look back and see His hand? Makes me wonder what I'm being guided to instead. But I can definitely tell you one thing: I am most definitely supposed to be right here right now.

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