So last month was a blogging fail. It wasn't that I didn't have things to say it was that I couldn't figure out how to say the things I was thinking and so I'd stare at the blogger window and poke at it and give up in frustration and a lack of words.
Somethings are doing better. Last month was pretty much insane with the holidays and various family groups coming to town. Some of the behavior that was making me insane has significantly improved for the most part and we're holding our breath waiting to see if the changes are permanent or just temporary. Its hard to sit in a holding pattern.
In my experience my house is an excellent indicator of my mental/emotional state. Its looked like hell for the past month. And would have continued to do so if not for my folks coming to stay with us for 10 days for Christmas. If I'm doing well, my house does well. If I'm not doing so hot and there isn't an external motivation to MAKE myself clean then it doesn't happen.
I've decided I'm depressed. I don't think I'd call it "depression" tho. I don't think we're discussing a serious anything (which would take some talent since I've been on antidepressants for years) but I'm definitely on the apathetic, lethargic, sleep disturbed, brain foggy, listless, glum side. I get out of bed because the child needs me to. I'm not like all weepy and I'm not suicidal by any stretch so its not major. I think my Dad would phrase it something like "I'm depressed because right now this that and the other suck and its depressing. I do not have depression."
But right this moment we've got a little uptick in the mojo thanks I think to the Momma being here (even if she was sick - more on that later) and we're gonna go ahead and run with that.
I think I'm going to try to tackle the filth in the office again. Its the paperwork mess. More like the giant man eating paper mountain of satan but we can just call it the paper mess for now. I've tried to conquer it several times. I always start with the most recent and work back. That hasn't worked. We've decided that since the definition of insanity is to repeat the same behavior over and over expecting different results we're gonna try a different approach. I'm going to start at the back and work forward. I'm going to go through my filing cabinet and weed it out and organize it. And then get all the crap thats already IN the office dealt with and THEN try and tackle the more recent mail mess thats in my dining room. The house hasn't blown up with my ignoring the majority of the mail for the last few months so I doubt it will suffer much now if I continue to ignore it and am productive in other areas.
Who knows maybe this plan will actually work? It could happen.
I keep debating if I'm going to make new years resolutions or not. Because on the one hand I almost ALWAYS break them. And I really don't need ANY more fail in my life. On the other I've had some recent conversations that have reminded me how important positive affirmations and visualizations are to success. And so I debate.
I think I'll sit and have a think about what I would like to make resolutions on and then I'll decide if calling them "resolutions" is the best way to achieve them or not.... Maybe. Hmmmm. I'll think while I clean.... *wanders off to conquer the office*
I am Ami and this is my little corner of the interweb to pollute as I see fit. Sometimes I'll be boring, sometimes I might even be funny. I can guarantee I'll be random, verbose, occasionally deep, and I'll definitely over share. This is probably the closest a person can get to seeing the actual contents of the inside of my head. Stay if you enjoy my ranting, go if you don't. Either one is okay because here, I write for me.
The thought of sorting a pile of paper is enough to make me depressed, and go find something else to do. I find resolutions and goals disenchanting. Instead, I reach the end of the year and decide what I'm giving myself for Christmas, like improved health, learning to turn off the negative tapes, and endeavoring to recognize and follow God's plan for my life. They're things that I gave myself last year, too, and I was successful to a degree. The idea is to continue forward on the same path. I did do a bit of fine tuning to the gifts, which is how I changed them (that idea of not continuing to do the same thing when it wasn't working). God bless.
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