Don't read this if you're looking for an "upper"

Today was a really, really long day. I swear if I didn't know better I was so swingy today that I'd almost think I was either PMSing or pregnant (and I swear I am DEFINITELY NOT either of those). At two points I managed to have full blown bawling my eyes out break downs (different stuff each time). You should be proud that I did not in fact make and eat an entire pan of brownies like I was very tempted to do. I did make a batch of cookies but I only had 3. And some dough. But not a lot of dough! So considering it was one of those "2 pies, 1 gallon of ice cream, a whole pan of brownies and half a cake to make it right" kinda days you should be SO proud of me.

(I will add the disclaimer that I have NEVER eaten that much. Ever. Even if I really wanted to. But its sounded tempting.)

I think it all just got to me finally. And that STUPID movie didn't help. I rented "Raising Helen" from Netflix. It looked like a standard Kate Hudson romantic comedy. It SOOOOOOOO was not. It was Mommies dying and traumatized kids, rip your heart out, stupid tear jerker hallmark special kinda movie. And if you know me you know I don't handle the whole "mommy dying scenario" kinda movies. Those rank with "rip your heart out adoption" and "cancer" movies with me. Too close to home, no thank you, hell the frick no I am not watching that crap. Yeah so that just got me NICELY primed to be UBER hormonal psycho chick.

The fact that my husband still loves me, hugs me and hasn't left me yet after yet another day like this is proof that he really does deserve the husband of the millennia award. (I'd like to take a moment to note that you have Bloggers AWESOME spell check to thank for my not subjecting you to any more heinous misspellings than I currently do).

So basically, I got up did some more web site stuff (not bad), dealt with the kiddo (who was sweet this morning) and then we watched the STUPID movie. And about half way through the movie I had one of those horrible little realizations. And I realized that fill-in-the-blank really important thing had not been done. This is BAD. REALLY REALLY BAD. And to make my stress level that much better you should know the following: I can't do this thing. Adam is the one that must do this thing (and didn't get it done...). AND *wait for it* there is JACK CRAP we can do about it until Monday and Monday might just be too late. So absolute worst case scenario we can take care of it for February if we absolutely have to, but after that we're screwed and it gets really, really, really ugly option wise. And there is nothing I can do about it except try to stomp my anxiety into submission. Which I apparently failed at today.

So after we finished the movie-o-doom (I'm sure anybody else would have loved the movie and I'm just psycho) I wound up curled up the fetal position in the middle of my bed, covers over my head, alternating between hyperventilating, catastraphizing and sobbing for nearly an hour. Because I'm so grown up, mature and well balanced like that.

And yes I do realize now thru the non-melted-down lens of semi-ration that some of the stuff is kinda stupid. ie - I was freaking out and calling my self a bad mother b/c my kid had a bunch of ear wax in his outer ear and that if I was a good mommy he'd be kept so clean that this wouldn't happen and be gross. But at least I noticed and fixed it so that counts for something right? *deep breaths*

Some of it is more legit - we need to redo the budget and how we keep the books. Pre-baby I did it all. I had a very elaborate system and we had a nice budget. Post baby thats gone to heck in a hand-basket because I don't have time for my system. So we've been operating on the wish, prayer and watch the account balance and hope system. Which is NOT a good method. I know, you're shocked. But its true. This is NOT an approved system for sound financial planning.

So what NEEDS to happen to fix that is to go over at least the last two months of expenditures (which won't really be accurate because of the holidays but whatever) and figure out what we've been spending (things have changed courtesy of the kid) so we can create a new budget.

Oh and I'm supposed to do that while I take care of the baby, keep up with the household and try to get this work project done. Oh and I'm supposed to sleep too. Yeah thats a FAIL so we have now delegated this task to my husband.

And I'm finally getting sleepy so we'll cut this short. I freaked cuz I'm fat, my house is a mess, I've officially missed my work deadline AGAIN, my finances are a mess, there's holes in my couch and thats ghetto, I want to redo half my house, I don't have money to do anything and I shouldn't even been looking at things because by the time we get out of debt so we can afford to do these things and I manage to get my house CLEANED AND ORGANIZED so that we have ROOM to do these thing, the new ice age will have set in. And did I mention I'm fat?

Oh and my grandmother hates my guts and won't speak to me and I never, ever intended to tick her off. My post to facebook was me freaking out about my weight. All I meant to express was that growing up she was one of the people who taught me that its not okay to be fat (my entire family, extended, immediate, etc has SERIOUS body image issues). I do not blame her for my being fat but to be blunt she has said some really mean things to me over the years. And unlike the rest of my family who just doesn't talk to her anymore or moved away or what not (because she's kinda famous for saying things of this sort), I actually attempted to discuss my concerns with her and work things out. And now she's apparently never going to speak to me again. Whatever. Her loss. And its a shame but thats her choice. And now I'm being really mature and telling the entire bloggosphere. All 2 of you that read this.

Whatever, its late, I'm going to bed.

Good night world. May tomorrow bring answers, bright ideas, and some really good chocolate.

And the kid got constipated again for some reason. We seem to have sorted him out and he has resumed normal poopies (mixing baby oatmeal with apple prune juice seemed to work VERY well), but he has been WHINEY and today of all days that REALLY didn't help. I suppose I'm a decent mother after all b/c he's still alive after today....

Random Happy Crack

Happy Crack Item 1:

The Rose Bush

So when we bought our house some idiot had planted a rose bush (read full sun loving plant) in the one and only shady spot on the entire property. So its been languishing and looking pathetic and mostly dead next to my front door (nothing like a lovely eyesore to make the guests feel welcome) since we moved in. Because when we first moved in it was August in Phoenix (and since I don't have a death wish we didn't do hard labor in the yard), and then when it cooled off I was pregnant and had other problems so basically this little plant has continued its sad existence in the yard.

Until this last weekend, when we took advantage of the nicely softened rain soaked earth and dug a nice big hole in the back yard in a nice bright sunny spot that I can see from my kitchen window and transplanted the rose bush. I pruned it first and we lined the hole and topped it up with miracle grow garden soil. And I figured that if the shock of the move didn't kill it that it just might survive.

Well I went out there to check on it this morning and its stems have all turned bright green and its got a bunch of little new red growth buds on all of the stems!! :-D I am SOOOOO excited!! I've never seen this little plant bloom so I don't even know what kind/color the roses are. So hopefully I will get to find out and have a pretty healthy little rose bush! :)

Of course I now have hole in the front yard but I think we'll deal with that this weekend. I'm thinking I wanna train a bougainvillea to a trellis....

Happy Crack Item 2:

Groupon.com

Hello - this is SWEET! So I am now pimping Groupon to everybody I know. What is it? Basically the mighty power of collective bargaining. The Groupon folks get together with some company and cut a deal such as if at least 20 people sign up then they'll give us a discount (usually at least 50% off). So you can get half off on restaurants, theater, classes and activities, movie tickets, etc. Its SWEEEEEEET.

My Dad found it - they've got Groupon going in most major cities and for christmas thanks to groupon he was able to get my mom like a two hour massage at a very high end spa in Houston for dirt cheap. Its amazing. So please if you wanna sign up - tell me and I send you an email and then I get $10 bucks from Groupon for the referral (or if you're not feeling generous you can just sign up at their site).

Happy Crack 3:

iPad

So I think the name sounds like some sort of cybernetic feminine hygiene device, (I personally like iSlate much better but they didn't ask me so...) BUT they made this new toy so sexy I'll forgive them for the name.

www.apple.com/ipad

Check it out people. We see your Kindle and your Netbook and we raise them the iPad. Seriously this thing is gonna be the Kindle killer. What is it? Basically a giant iPod Touch but better. You can do eBooks, news paper, movies, music, email, surf the web, etc all on this gorgeous 10 inch touch screen. Its a half inch thick and weighs a whole 1.5 lbs.

All I have to say is when I go back to get my doctorate - I want one. Can you imagine going to class and only having to haul this little beauty in your purse or messenger bag instead of my usual undergrad line up of: laptop & power supply, notebooks, assorted writing supplies, planner, and at least 2 fifty pound each textbooks. Now I can take notes, carry my text book and keep up w/ email all on one sexy, light weight little wonder that comes with Wi-Fi and Bluetooth built in.

Oh and did I mention the price tag? 499. Thats it. Your crappy Netbook is 300. Your Kindle is 260. Oh and like every amazing Apple wonder for the past few years has had its price tag drop massively within a few months of its debut. So I'm gonna vote that this baby is gonna stay nice and competitive.

All I have to say is "WOW" and "I want one".

I think they have the Dumb.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TRAVEL/01/21/haiti.tourism.ethics/

So the long and the short of this article is as follows: Royal Caribbean cruise line has resumed its stop in Haiti after last weeks earth quake. They stop at this nice beach on the north side of the island. Apparently all the death and destruction is on the SOUTH side of the island (or some such similar geography) and people are freaking out and saying we're all burning in hell and how dare they go and have people pay to frolic on the beach when there is death and dying just a few miles away. Clearly these ships should stop some where else.

And here is why I think they have The Dumb:

1. So it's okay to frolic on the beach as long as its not in too close of proximity to death and dying? So a beach 50 miles of water away is somehow completely different and totally okay as opposed to a beach 50 land miles away? How far does it have to be to be kosher? Different country? So it would be okay to frolic on the beach in the Dominican Republic - read: the other half of the island where the death and destruction is located but some how morally wrong to do so INSIDE Haiti.

Does it have to be more than 1000 miles? Cuz if so you just plain can't go to any other island in the whole frickin Caribbean. Just cancel your vacation. Stay at home and think sober thoughts on the suffering of others. By the way - you're going to hell for that vacation you took last year. I'm sure somebody some where on the planet suffered and died while you played in the sun you evil bastage.

2. So the south half of the country has been completely devastated. This therefore means that all their friends and family on the northern half must now have their livelihoods wiped out so they and their children can no longer afford food or shelter because tourism is their trade but playing on the beach while other's suffer is wrong so now I have to go out of business and suffer too. Good thing that those lucky bastages in the Dominican are on the other side of the magic line b/c they're sure going about their business as usual instead of suffering as is proper and right.

I'd like to note that Royal Caribbean (with whom I have no association with whatsoever) has 250 employees at this resort stop. That doesn't include all the locals and businesses in the town that make their living off the tourist who come to this port. RC has also spent over $50 million dollars on this lovely slice of paradise and is one of the top foreign investors in Haiti. But clearly they should be boycotted and shunned for bringing people with money to come play and spend their money in this beautiful island paradise b/c on the other side of the island there is suffering and death. *nods vigorously*

Good. I'm glad we've cleared that up.

Crap, there was death and dying in NYC after 9/11 and I went on vacation there 2 years later. Am I going to hell? Is there a time limit on the mourning period? Is 2 weeks proper? 2 years? 10?

You know you've missed me

Today we're feeling highly accomplished on account of conquering the kitchen and DEEP cleaning the floors. :)

And the thought we're pondering this evening is a quote from one of my cousins. Once when I was pondering on my being fat and the various methods to fix that or not and why I feel bad about it etc- my sweet cousin posted a thought that had helped her in her post baby battle with the bulge (although in her case I am NOT being literal b/c she is naturally skinny and she needed to lose like a half ounce post baby to get back to her perfectly gorgeous self - I admit at times I hate her for that, but not really. She's too sweet.)

ANYWAYS the line she said was "No food tastes as good as being healthy feels". And I admit the first time I read it my jaw hit the floor. My mother's response was much the same she went "Wait, wait, wait - Say that again" b/c to both of us this was just a revolutionary statement.

My initial response was something along the lines of "wow, that could make an amazing diet mantra" but the more I thought about it the more I realized that my initial reaction was wrong in my case, because for me - either I have NEVER been that healthy, or that chick ain't never had food this good (given that I don't think she's been to france this is entirely possible).

This does raise the pondering of the super-taster phenomenon. I've heard it theorized that part of why some skinny people are skinny is because food just doesn't taste that good to them. Therefore they just aren't as interested and they don't get all the happy endorphins from eating it. I do know that in my personal experience most of my naturally skinny friends (ie those who don't police every bite or work out religiously) are picky eaters, there's a plethora of foods they don't like. I have met one or two exceptions but in that case they just have disgustingly good metabolism and in one case have to work actively to maintain their weight so they don't get too skinny (the bastard eats whole pies b/c the doctor tells him too...).

But so I'm wondering if part of why she doesn't think food tastes as good as being healthy feels is because to her, the food really doesn't taste that good therefore she doesn't get the happy mojo from eating it.

There are alternatives, such as - I just don't feel that good. Either my diet/health wasn't good enough when I was skinny such that I enjoyed the "health" of being thin therefore the mojo I get from eating just beats down that mental image, or another option is that I'm a super taster so the food tastes that much better to me and so I get all sorts of happy mojo from eating that she doesn't.

I don't really know the answer. I'm just pondering.

Thus bringing my mind around to the topic of exercise. I have several good friends that have taken up running marathons. And some of them are not little people. This boggles my mind. I listen to the stories they tell and personally that sounds remarkably like hell to me. I cannot conceive of a world where I would desire to do such a thing, and especially not to do it for fun. And so we're left to wonder if I just don't get the same mojo from exercise that other people do, or if its just that I'm inherently lazy or I dunno, missing something?

Because I have never enjoyed running. It's just never appealed to me. Or rather the one or two times that its sounded like fun, the pain that resulted there from was more than enough to give me the strong desire to never do that again. And thats not to say that pain has turned me off from everything. For example, dance. I love to dance. I miss it painfully. I had to stop dancing due to injuries sustained falling down some stairs. I would dance every day for at least an hour 5-6 days a week. I'd drip sweat and be sore and bruised and blistered from dancing and I'd come back wanting more. Even now that I can't dance I find myself occasionally dancing in random places like the kitchen. I literally want to cry right now because I miss it so painfully.

It was just so intense and joyful. I can't really describe it. I love the complexity of it. I love how much of my mental faculties were required. That's the problem with a lot of other options is that I get bored. There's nothing there to distract me from the pain of what I'm doing. Its just putting my nose to the grind stone for the requisite amount of time. With dance, a whole hour could pass and it would feel like minutes. I've gotten that with some really good yoga instructors, or when I'm teaching yoga but I have a hard time with it in my personal yoga practice, which is probably part of why I don't do it. And unfortunately if I ever want to teach yoga professionally, a personal daily practice is mandatory so we need to find a way to get over this issue. But every other method of exercise is simply an exercise in pain tolerance. And since I'm a lazy human, I don't do it like I should.

So I don't know. I need to find a way to get over my mental block about a personal yoga practice because I think thats as good as its going to get for me for the rest of my natural life because until the resurrection happens and I get my ligaments back (that or some variety of medical miracle), dancing like I want to is not going to happen. And I mourn its loss. Deeply.

I'm a little ray of sunshine (aka you've been warned)

I'm up way too late. I should be sleeping and don't ask me why I'm not in bed b/c honestly I don't quite know myself. I'm being stupid. Again. I'm exhausted and hormonal and kinda bitchy. I love pms.

So this game I've been playing online, for free, for a few months - Evony, I really liked it but now I'm honestly kinda bored and I just plain don't have time for it anymore so I want to quit but I'm the second in command of my alliance and our host is currently awol b/c he's moving across country and so I'm, mostly, in charge (I do have a co-vice-host now, but I have seniority). So I don't want to just drop these people, but the crud is seriously hitting the fan with this that and the other and they need some serious leadership and lets be blunt my co-vice-host is worthless, and I really, just don't have the time, energy or inclination to jump in and be the leader.

So I feel kinda bad. But clearly not bad enough to actually do something about it. I'm tired and I'm done. I sent an email directly to the mighty leader telling him of the trouble and that he needs to get his bum back online asap if he still wants to have an alliance when he gets back.

And I'm deeply concerned about another thing, and I'm not quite sure how to talk about it here with out talking about it but basically... an individual doesn't always agree with the decisions my husband and I make about our life, and plans and finances and seeks to exert control and manipulation to make things go the direction that this person wants them to go. We'll call this person X. And right now there are resources that X can withhold from us, and has threatened to do so if we do not do as X demands. Well, there are good reasons why we are not doing what X wants us to do and the biggest thing that I'm scared about right now is we will have more access to resources in the future, but for the next 6 months or so until we get that access we're kind of at the mercy of X.

And X is wanting us to change the way some resources are managed, because it will cost us less fees etc to manage them differently, but the catch is that it will make X the sole gate keeper TO those resources. And that scares me. X is not a member of the church. X does not get that sometimes we do things because we've prayed about them and this is what we're supposed to do (which I will say is one of the nice things about my folks - if I tell them honestly that I don't know why I'm doing fill-in-the-blank but I know that it is the right thing to do, they are immediately okay about it and the answer is "Well, then it will work out"). And X is something of a control freak as it is and if X had their way in the past many things (such as our marriage) would not have happened.

So I know X does want what is best for us, but I also don't think that X appreciates certain things. Particularly since I come from the perspective of knowing what it is to be poor, and X has never even been in the same hemisphere as the country that the ballpark of poor is in. And so it gives us very different perspectives on how things should be spent vs saved. Oddly enough given what I've just said, I'm saying save it and do one thing at a time, and X is saying spend it all now thats what its for. And my thought on that is yes, but if we do things this way, we can still get the things done that the resources are intended for and still have the resources exist when its over.

And more than that... the resources will eventually be ours to do with as we chose, regardless of what X desires us to do. This will give us a safety net and independence, b/c right now when crap happens we have to go running to X and beg for salvation. And X knows this and has threatened to let us fall if we do not do things as X desires. But if we blow our future safety net now, that means long term we wind up at the mercy of X. And again, that scares me. I really really really don't like it. I do not like the strings that are attached.

So I'm talking in circles. But, there will have to be a lot of prayer before we sign things over to the sole gate keepership of X. But I do fear what it would do to our relationship with X long term if my husband were to refuse to do so. I don't think X would take it well and X has quite a temper.

And my husband has reasons based on events now over a decade old why he does not entirely trust X with resources, and he's saying he desires to get the details and talk to X about it and I can tell you right now that won't go well. X is much better now that X was then, but X still has never owned things from then in other situations and I can see X going ballistic over such a conversation.

So, in other news, Caleb holds his bottle ALL BY HIMSELF now! I'm so proud! I do have the world's most insanely cute baby ever.

I'm exhausted but my mind is still going round and round b/c of the X situation. And I need to just go to sleep. And my kitchen is truly frighteningly dirty and I don't want to deal with cleaning it. I'm so exhausted. And I need to jump back into my house organization but I don't wanna. I've lost my mojo again. I need to find it.

The house reorg epic saga is thus: we moved into this house and couldn't afford to buy shelves and crap we needed to organize things. So over time we accumulated the needed crap but then I was pregnant and had complications so I wasn't allowed to do any lifting at all, so pretty much the name of the game since we moved into this house is "stay ahead of the crap avalanche". I'm usually a very clean person and my house right now is gross. And so everything for the first year we lived here got shoveled into the middle bedroom, then the middle bedroom had to be cleaned and emptied for the baby, so it all got dumped in the office, and we've been given so much stuff, and had to buy so much stuff (its terrifying how much crap you need for a baby) and theres just SO MUCH STUFF. So basically once it reached the point that you couldn't walk into the office hardly, it then puked the mess into the dining room and living room.

Well after a desperate battle we reclaimed and reorganized the living room, and even got the attic, nursery, and laundry room in order and we even made some amazing headway in the office. Reorged the furniture, put up shelves in the closet, deep cleaned the closet and a bunch of shelving/drawers from the hall closet and master bedroom and sorted through about 10 tons of stuff. Even got thru the desk drawers. But the thing is that I still haven't managed to finish going through all the mountains of crap and from the crap to create an organization system for the crap that survives the purge, because the goal is to have a place for everything and everything in its place. I can't clean anything because there are things that simply don't have a place. So now they need a place or they need to go. Because I must have order.

So what I need to do is bite the bullet and take the plunge and go in there for a couple days and just conquer it. BUT at the same time, I'm supposed to take care of my baby, keep up with the laundry, kitchen and bills (and we're failing at all 3 of those at this moment - but at least the kiddo is doin great) and still get the website done for work (b/c we desperately need money and I've FAILED and meeting all my deadlines up until now), which means I have to develop a WHOLE NEW SKILL SET in record breaking time. Oh and I'm supposed to spend time with my husband, extended family, in theory have a social life, and SLEEP.

For some reason I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment. I wonder why I can't sleep.

I'm also fatter than ever, I need a shower, and I want to eat a whole pan of brownies. Oh and I'm supposed to work out, which really hurts my joints, like to the point I can't sleep afterwards with out advil. But if I don't exercise I won't lose weight, which I need to do if I want the joints to stop hurting. Also I'm supposed to find the will power to diet. I can't make myself take care of my house, but I need motivate me to starve myself and cause myself pain. And I can't starve myself too much b/c then I get really really witchy, and more migraines and that just sucks. But if I don't starve myself enough I get fatter, b/c just eating enough food to fill me up (unless I sit around and eat veggies nonstop all day long) is too much food for my body and therefore I get fatter.

And I'm rambling now. Did I mention its nearly 2 am and I can't sleep? And if you've actually read this far, you must be a glutton for punishment or really like listening to me whine.

I got an email from some person in game (not on my team obviously) noting that they were now number 1 instead of us and that b/c I'd been "a bitch to " her in the past she wanted to rub my face in it. I have no memory of ever being rude to this person. I'm glad they achieved their goal of first and that they have no life to the point that they remembered me and wrote me to "rub it in". Apparently I am the big bad. Too bad I didn't even notice swatting that fly...

Think I'm finally tired enough to sleep. Thanks for being my mind purge. Good night.

Happy Anniversary

Well, its official - we are parents. lol. What do you do when you have a whole evening sans child and its your anniversary? You've just had a romantic dinner (steak au poivre, roasted red potatoes, asparagus, sour dough bread and sparkling apple grape juice - so SO good!) and now you're both relaxing comfortably. You start with a romantic back rub and then you fall asleep! ROFL.

I know, how sad is that? I mean I am PMSing so I'm not exactly feeling lovable right now but I still think its funny. And a little bit sad. But oh well. We'll have all day Saturday to celebrate and so we'll have a second chance at romance. lol.

Today was a very good day. Very productive. Caleb has almost returned to his regular nap schedule (the trip to Houston plus a growth spurt really messed with his sleep and therefore my sanity), so he was absolutely charming and I was not about to fall over tired and Breonna came over the watch the Coo Bucket and I was able to get a lot of work done designing the web page.

Namely, I got the main welcome page sketched out, content for the site outlined and we've got 3 of the 5 logos done that I need, we've picked our color scheme, but now we needed to pick wall paper (for banners etc) and flourishes. So I went and checked out istockphoto.com - which is AWESOME and found a few dozen options but then I needed to consult with my business associates as to what exactly we wanted.

So I made a call and thankfully 3 out of 4 of them were in one location and available RIGHT THEN for consult so I left Caleb with Breonna and made a mad dash to Kathleen's house to get opinions. I was only there for like 45 mins and we were super productive! :) We narrowed the wall paper options down to two (I'm going to edit samples into our color scheme for final approval) and picked out a set of flourishes (that thankfully match both wallpaper options) and narrowed the logo pool down some.

Current logo pool status goes: 3 down , 2 to go. We've got Mon Ami, Whimsical Garden and Sparkling Elegance done. Now we're just trying to hash something out for Kathleen's Per Lei and the company Beads Just For You. We finally narrowed the BJFY logo down to two options but it was agreed that the 2nd option is too plain and needs a revamp before the final decision is made and we got Kathleen to commit to which fonts she liked (kinda) so now I'm going to come up with some logo options and hopefully we'll get a winner in the first batch.

I have to say working with a bunch of artist is a unique challenge... lol. Mostly because we all have such different styles (which is why we work so well jewelry-wise) and such definite opinions. Getting everybody to agree on the same thing and getting something they like is, I must say, more difficult than I anticipated. But the good news is that I think long term we've got some really awesome options and its going to be wonderful.

The Voice, The Web and I wanna play with Memory Wire

Before I begin - I HAVE A FAN!!! COOL! Thanks Janet! I feel loved. lol

So I'm taking a crash course on web design courtesy of some training videos on Adobe DreamWeaver my Dad hooked me up with. I need to learn this as fast as I can b/c I've got a dead line on a project and I discovered that a feature in Filemaker does not work quite like I had it explained to me (or maybe I just misunderstood) but so basically instead of publishing the database to the web like a website its more like a website you can use to log into the database. So it works great for say coworkers to log into and enter stuff remotely but not so much for customers to come surf your site. Apparently how you do what I want to do is you build a webpage and then basically sneak the db in the back door.

And I have built webpages before but it has been YEARS and a lot has changed and since I don't want to push my deadline back (again) I'm trying to get a refresher as fast as I possibly can. Thus we come back to the videos. And they're actually very good so far. She's very clear, if VERY basic to start. Its kind of annoying when she explains things very, very, very simply for the rookies, and repeats it several times, but oh well.

Over all it wouldn't be bad except for the voice. You know that phone voice? The one that says "Press 1 to be hung up on, Press 2 to gouge your own eyes out, Press 3 to be put on terminal hold" - THAT voice, the perma-perk-june-cleaver-soft-spoken voice, she talks like that. And on the rare occasion that she does crack a joke (which I don't mind) it becomes glaringly obvious that she is a she-nerd, cat lady. The kind of cat lady who has 10 cats and their names are all "Mr. Tiddles", "Fluffy" and "Precious".

Long story short she seriously needs to get out more, and I am force feeding my brain her voice for hours on end (when the hubby is home to take care of the wee one) so that I can learn this crap as fast as I can.

On the upside tho - the big changes in web design are a GOOD THING. I mean WOW! Like it used to be you put Button X on 50 different layouts. Then one day you decide you want button X to be PINK and not BLUE. Welllll... back in the day you had to change button X by hand on all 50 layouts (shoot me now). Well now you can use CSS - so you assign a style to button X that says its this size, and this font and this color. So if you want to change it you just go in there and change the color from blue to pink and PRESTO! the change has been made on all 50 layouts. Sweeeeeeeet!

SO! (can you tell thats my current filler word of choice?) my new latest design obsession in jewelry is memory wire. My aunt Lois (who I will say has AWESOME taste in accessories, and well, everything but...) had the most awesome bracelet on at dinner on Sunday. It was a LONG coil of memory wire (which is stainless steel wire that has been treated in some fashion to make it super strong so it holds its shape) like, 8+ loops and it had been beaded such that almost every loop was a different pattern, so it wound up looking like she had a stack of bangles on but it was just one long thing. And it was super easy to get on and off and really really cute. I want one. REAL BAD. So now my goal in life is to get me the hook up with this fun toy cuz I wanna play with it.

And it wouldn't be expensive b/c I priced out the memory wire and its not too bad at all and it was just done with czech/chinese glass and crystal beads so those are cheap and look good and you could do this in sooooo many colors and styles and it would be sooooooo pretty. I want to do an entire LINE of these bracelets.

I tend to get stuck on a theme. I see something I really like and then I go do my version of it and do like a half dozen different designs along the same theme until I tire myself out of it and then I find something else that strikes my fancy and go for that one. It works for me I guess.

BUT we need to start selling our product if we want to buy more materials and that means that your genius here needs to stop blogging and get her tushie to work learning how to build the farking site.

So... later!

Hello

So I picked my blog name for several reasons:

1. I DO like sparkly objects. I've had a magpie like attraction to anything shiny since I was a kid, and its only gotten worse as I've gotten older - hence why I make jewelry, and you'll probably hear a fair bit about that b/c when I'm excited I need to brag and babble and plot.

2. I think part of my attraction to sparkly objects has to do w/ some undiagnosed ADD (SQUIRREL!) and so I tend to go off on odd tangents, and get distracted by whatever strikes my fancy. So ... the title is fair warning.

3. It's simple and a little bit different.

4. Its all I could think of at the time.

So WHY am I starting another blog when I don't write half as much as I should on the other one. Mainly, b/c the other one is a "family" blog. I'm supposed to write about the kiddo. I need a place for me to rant and ramble and carry on and blab. I do admit there is a hint of ego involved in this. While I don't expect that anybody will ever read this blog (given they haven't read anything else I've yet written) I keep hearing Julie from "Julie and Julia" (if you haven't seen this movie you MUST. NOW. Moral mandate!) say "I can write a blog! I have thoughts!" And the fact that I do read "Mommy Wants Vodka" on a regular basis (should Aunt Becky ever read this - we need to be friends) means that somebody might someday actually WANT to hear what I have to rant about.

And really this is another go at an old dream. I never really thought of my self as a writer growing up. I'm one heck of a reader, but I never really wrote for fun. But when I was serving a mission for my church I would write these bi-monthly letters that I would make 100 copies of and mail off to the masses and I got a ton of positive feedback on them. I mean, people who don't give compliments out willy-nilly gave me compliments and said they expected me to go on to become a best selling author. It was some very nice ego stroking kudos moments let me tell you!

So I faithfully came home from my mission, went back to college, and started taking creative writing classes and that is when I hit upon my problem. I am a fantastic story teller (if I do say so myself) but I SUCK at coming up with a story. I do great telling stories from my life but um... the "creative" part of the creative writing class was pretty much a fail. (Although I admit my professor was far too nice a man to ever say that directly).

So unless I wake up one morning and pull a Stephenie Meyer I am NOT going to be the great American novelist. However, I think I just might have what it takes to be the great American blogger.

So here it goes. I can pretty much guarantee that every post will be verbose because I simply do not know any other way to talk (without re-writing the thing 6 times to whittle it down). My posts will have LOTS of random asides - usually in parentheses (in case you haven't noticed that by now). And generally be about whatever I happen to feel like rambling about at the moment.

My goal is not to offend people, but I might by the things I write because I will probably not censor myself too much here. I'll try to watch the language (mostly b/c I'm trying to be better about that) but I've never been much of one for considering certain topics taboo, I think that to be naive is dangerous b/c you can walk into things you don't want to if you don't recognize what is going on.

The last reason for this blog is to give me some one to talk to at 2 in the morning when I can't sleep and I just need to mind purge so I can get all this crap out of my head and putting it in print seems to help me be able to sleep better.

So, that said, let's rock!