Monday, June 14, 2010

I need to rant

My house is a mess. Again. I want to scream and cuss and shout and blame everything in the fing world rather than deal with it. As usual. 

I keep thinking that maybe theres a chance we might actually get it clean and conquer it and have it manageable once and for all but I think I'd have to be a different person for that to happen. 

I'd have to be my sister or my cousin with their CONSTANT vigilance. I'm too prone to go "screw it lifes too short I'll deal with it later". The problem is that while I'm back is turned it GROWS. It sneaks off while I'm not looking, and brings back new friends. It breeds. ANd I turn back around and the little mess I left for just a while is now growling and snarling and threatening to eat us alive and the walls are closing in. 

I think if God was going to make me this lazy he should have also made the the kind of person who doesn't care about mess. B/c it makes me the frick twitchy. But my first instinct isn't to go clean it. Its to go bury my head in the sand and scream and cry and pretend its not really there. Which is just so productive and helpful. And a DEFINITE good use of my time and energy. 

It just gets so over whelming. And I HATE having to get out the shovel. I don't mind cleaning a bit. And I LOVE the way a clean house feels and smells. But somehow the whole frigging house goes to hell in a hand basket all at once and you need a friggin pick axe to make a dent. And its so discouraging. 

And every time I get it clean I swear I'm not going to let it get like that again and then somehow I wake up and voila there it is. Shit central. 

How does anybody do it all? It seems I can't find a balance. I can be a good mom or I can have a clean house or I can be low stress or I can balance my budget or I can do artistic things and be a good employee but somehow I can't do all of the above. On a really really good day I might even manage to do 2 of those. HOw does anybody do all of them? And thats not even considering everything else I need to do. 

According to a book I read I'll get more help from my hubby by not giving him a constant to do list. Do like one thing at a time etc. But he's a crappy self motivator, so I have to help him remember to do things. B/c he doesn't see the mess. He's affected by it so it registers somewhere but apparently not to the point that he does anything about it. So help him remember but not too much of a to do list at once or the motivation dies. And honestly I wanna sit and cuddle and veg with him just as much as he does. But then we wake up in the morning and he goes to work and I'm the one stuck in this house that is so dirty the walls are closing in around me. And it feels like being thought ful and rationing out his to do list is just one more thing for MY to do list and lord knows I'm not getting a fraction of it done as it is. How on earth am I supposed to do this too? Even if in theory it means he'll help me get more of my to do list done? 

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