Saturday, September 25, 2010


So I'm a little slow b/c apparently there's this blogger with a site by the name of Dooce and she's apparently like the most popular blogger in the whole friggin' world and been on the news and a dozen different shows and magazines etc.

And um.... prior to yesterday I'd never, ever heard of her. Because I live under a rock. Duh.

But point is, I checked out her site and after laughing myself silly at some of her posts I looked up her book (she's got two) and read the little exerpts on Amazon.

Apparently her story in a nutshell is she started blogging back when blogging was new, and made headlines by being fired for ranting about her boss on her blog. She then got married, got pregnant, had massive issues with post partum depression and blogged all about that too.

Now let me say that anybody who goes through post partum depression (PPD) has my deepest sympathy and love. But I find myself extremely disturbed at one thought. She's a person who suffers from chronic depression. She has to take her little pill everyday to make sure she's in control of her emotions - something I completely understand because apparently my brain was miswired in exactly the same way for the last decade. But um, she went off her meds so that she could get pregnant and have a baby.

And in so doing, not at all surprisingly wound up with mad, crazy depression and anxiety. Which was pretty much one of my personal nightmares. I've actually known people who wound up with good old fashion post partum psychosis their PPD was so bad. And I was scared sh*tless that thats exactly what would happen to me. I mean deep, bone chilling fear.

Which is why I did a lot of homework on antidepressants and pregnancy. I talked to SEVERAL physicians. I looked up the research. I have a frigging degree in psych. And I personally made the decision to stay on my meds through out the entire process.

Granted my psych med of choice is Zoloft which is the one you want to take if you want to try to have a healthy baby and not go nuts from your depression so yay for me I didn't even have to adjust my meds. And I do not know if she has tried Zoloft and it didn't work for her and the only psych meds that work for her are the ones that will make your kid grow antlers or something.

But my gut reaction to seeing those words in print was "ZOMG WHYYYYYY????" I'm just like gasping that someone would go through my personal nightmare if they didn't have to. Because I have a VERY healthy, happy, beautiful baby boy and minimal depression issues (Although I admittedly gained like 40 pounds after I had the kid b/c I self medicated with brownies a fair bit but thats another discussion) by conceiving and carrying to term, and breast feeding there after all while taking my little happy pills.

And so, I'm glad she overcame this huge challenge. I'm awed that she's got the courage to share it with others and spread hope and light and humor through a crappy situation. But I honestly think that if I couldn't take psych meds and have a healthy baby I'd probably adopt rather than try to go off my meds when I need them. And I wonder if she could possibly have avoided the whole mess by just taking Zoloft....

I really don't mean to judge and be harsh but its so just shock and awe for me and I want people to know there is another option. Its possible to have a healthy baby and your happy pills too. But should you chose the other path, you should probably go chat with Dooce because she is a survivor.

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