I've got a problem. And this is going to sound like the most bass-ackwards statement you've ever heard but I think this may be the first time I've ever had a problem that I can't talk to anybody about. I mean I'm really seriously racking my brains here and I don't know who to discuss this with.
I might be a freak but I've always kind of, compartmentalized my friendships. Not really intentionally it just works out that way. So if I'm having an issue related to someone in group A, then I can discuss it with a person from group B who can offer me objective advice and I don't have to worry about it getting back to the person from group A b/c the two groups have absolutely NO contact and I'm not wanting to gossip I just need to consult with somebody. And this has served me well prior to now.
The one person I can discuss anything with is the person with whom I'm having the problem. I can't blog about it because of privacy and loyalty issues. I can't figure out how to talk around it so that I can talk through it. None of my non Mormon friends will understand what my issue is and none of my mormon friends would be comfortable discussing it. There is one person I can think of who will understand the issue and be okay discussing it but I know what they're going to say already and thats not what I want or need to hear just yet. And I can think of 2 others with whom I might be able to have this chat if I can get over my personal embarrassment of discussing the topic with them at all. I mean they'd probably be uncomfortable too but they love me enough they'd hear me out. Probably. Maybe.
I don't know. Maybe I'll figure it out. But right now I can't think clearly enough to think through it and I can't figure out who to use as my sounding board. I've tried just journalling it out but thats not working. I've chased that tiger around and around in my head and I'm sick of it.
I guess I should just pray harder. But I'm so tense and wrapped up in this I can't feel anything spiritually to get any answers back. And mostly what I really want to do is self medicate with chocolate and we're trying very hard to avoid the baked goods because we've done so good with the weight loss lately. But I'm stressed and a little freaked and right now I want an f-ing cake and a whole frigging pan of brownies. And maybe some ice cream.
I may also have issues with food.
I am Ami and this is my little corner of the interweb to pollute as I see fit. Sometimes I'll be boring, sometimes I might even be funny. I can guarantee I'll be random, verbose, occasionally deep, and I'll definitely over share. This is probably the closest a person can get to seeing the actual contents of the inside of my head. Stay if you enjoy my ranting, go if you don't. Either one is okay because here, I write for me.
Sorry to hear you're distressed. This is one time that I find a counselor very handy. I can blurt out all sorts of things, he looks through the problem, and breaks it down into pieces. I don't know if this will help but my tendency is to snowball things together. When my counselor helps me pull things a part two things happen. The problem gets smaller and I can wrap my mind around the smaller pieces. I'll keep you in my prayers too.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about balling things together. I used to do that big time when I was younger. I used to compare it to a giant ball of yarn that was tied in knots and I just couldn't even find the ends to start picking it apart....
ReplyDeleteUsually I'm better about that now but it does take effort to make sure I don't head that way again.