I probably shouldn't write right now

Because my mommy taught me growing up that if you can't say something nice you shouldn't say anything at all.

What a load of crap.

That ranks right up there with what I consider to be one of the most masterful lies ever: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me".

Bull spit.

In fact theres lots of good research out there that indicates the complete opposite. For example, victims of rape, years after the trauma are typically haunted not by what their attacker did but by the things that they said while they did it. Child abuse victims report the same. The actions are almost immaterial in comparison to the words. Its the words that f you over in the head long term. Your body heals much quicker and more completely than the psyche.

So please, don't ever tell a child that lie. Its a load of crap. I mean yes there is something to be said for "they can't get your goat if they don't know where its tied" but to be honest - nobody should be hunting your damn goat to begin with! So yes, tell the hunted not to give the goat hunter the gratification but that doesn't mean you shouldn't call out the goat hunter for being a little chit.

I mean yes, I did seriously screw with my sisters head as a kid (I had her convinced that she was adopted, that we were vampires and fattening her up to eat her) but that doesn't really make it okay. I mean she'd probably be a bit less twitchy if I hadn't tortured her as a child. (Although I'd like to think what I did do was prepare her for the real world and she's now less twitchy than she would be if I hadn't desensitized her *nods vigorously*). But I digress...

Or rather I don't because you can't digress if you don't really have a point and right now what we have is random rambling.

I'm frustrated because thanks to tax stuff I will have a small amount of money. What I should do is be responsible and pay off doctors bills and credit cards and crap. What I want to do is buy a couch that is not ghetto and holey. I want to buy a refrigerator with a freezer that actually freezes ice cream hard instead of super soft, on the verge of going soupy when you pull it out. In a perfect world, I'd like to buy a new TV and entertainment center. Or at least the entertainment center so the tv is out of reach of the wee one (he discovered the tv this week. Its only a matter of time before toys get shoved in the VCR...).

What I'm going to wind up doing with the money is looking more like: pay off the credit card, pay off my OB-GYN (I'd tell her to shove it but I actually like my doctor and want to be able to see her again), take the kittens to the vet (they've never gotten their 1 year shots b/c I've been too broke to pay for it, and I can only sleep at night because of the knowledge that they're indoor only cats so their risk is minimal), replace Adam's computer (because it died - although I really can't say I'm sad about it dying...), we'll then get to do the EXCITING thing and replace two tires on the car and then maybe just maybe if I'm lucky we can get a cheap couch from IKEA.

Being a grown up sucks sometimes. I'm so jealous of my sister right now. The fricking over achiever that she is is finally debt free so they got to take their tax money and go buy a nice new big flat screen tv and lovely new entertainment center. Bastid.

I mean me and my 20 inch giant box o doom are okay. We'll make it through, but I really hate the little black, beat to death, hand me down, survived my husbands college days tv stand we've got. And the pretty one I want is only like 270 from IKEA.... *sigh*

We'll see. Maybe the crappy grown up stuff won't cost as much as I think it will and we can get one or two more fun things that I actually want to get.

But hey I at least have money to complain about. That NEVER happens to me.

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So yesterday went well. We enacted Phase 1 of the Final Epic Battle in the Reorg the House Wars. It went really really well. All of the last bastions of random crap through out the WHOLE HOUSE were rooted out and are now awaiting processing in a line in the hall way leading up to the office door. We were able to rally the troops in the office and began processing beginning with the biggest heap, the green laundry basket-o-doom and made it ALL the way through there! Yeah baby, I really am that good.

Today we accomplished exactly jack crap  because today I'm super ultra tired. I couldn't keep my eyes open so I took at nap at like 8 pm this evening, which is probably why its 2 am and I'm just now getting sleepy (its not my fault, the idiot FedEx man range the doorbell and woke the baby up too early from our morning nap!).

We'd tell the FedEx man to burn in a firey hell for all eternity for waking the baby except that he brought me my last birthday present from my Mommy. And its so full of the awesomeness that we have to cut him some slack.

So basically for like a year I was drooling over this pair of Dansko sandals (we can't wear cheap shoes non-orthotic shoes anymore b/c of the screwed up ankles and knees), but I can't afford refuse to pay full price for those things cuz they're EXPENSIVE and they didn't have them on the outlet website (or they did but only in hooker red and I can't afford enough pairs of these fricking expensive shoes that I can get them in hooker red. I have to stick to more like brown. And black....).

BUT so my mom was begging me to tell her what I wanted for my birthday (apparently the world peace and a pony I had initially suggested weren't thrilling her) I went and looked at the Dansko Outlet site just for the heck of it and what to my wondering eyes should appear but the sandals I've been dreaming of in just the color I wanted (black)!! So we included the sandals-o-wonder in our new expanded birthday wish list to Mommy and apparently, good fairies that she and my Dad are, they granted my wish and I now have happy feets. :D

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Why is it always easier to point out what somebody else needs to do to fix their problems than it is to fix your own? I mean I know I need to fix x, y and z. I even know how to fix x & y. But for this, that and the other reasons I'm not fixing them or not doing everything I can to fix them or some such thing.

But its very easy to get really ticked off at somebody else for not doing a, b and c. And I can feel totally justified in doing it because clearly they're the one with the serious issue. Yes mine will cause issue long term if not dealt with, but I'm going to deal with it. But theirs will cause the chit to hit the fan-eth like right now and have massive long term consequences if they DON'T deal with a, b and c. And yes they've made a lot of progress on A, and done good but now they've like stalled out and they've dropped B & C all together and I can tell you there ain't no way in hell they're ever going to finish A if they don't do B & C.

But when I pointed this out to them today it didn't go over well. And I know that if I don't want to wind up as a co-dependent nut case, I'm not supposed to attempt to control their efforts in A, B or C. But ... sometimes I just really feel like they need a swift kick in the head to make them realize whats happening, and its an important person and relationship to me and if A, B & C don't happen then that relationship will go down the crapper which will make me very sad. But ultimately I have no control over the other person.

It needs to be pointed out that B & C have hit the floor b/c I'm not sure that they're observant enough to notice for a while. And I think I'm probably the only person in the position to notice it. BUT I'm also not supposed to control/push/etc. Its hard to find the balance between the two.

And some would argue that I shouldn't even pay attention to it at all and just focus on juggling my own dang balls.

Whatever.