Still Breathing

I'm doing a bit better today. I think I managed to make myself believe the "I only get one day to mope" thing for most of the morning which was positive. I'm doing better for the most part with the self flagellation. Not perfect, but better than yesterday.

Doesn't mean everything else is magically better. Just that I'm not actively making it worse. So I'm just focusing on the whole "remember to breathe" thing.

I have managed to do 8 loads of laundry today, and a fair bit of cleaning and organizing so thats positive. Just still trying to wrap my mind around the difference between what I want at any given moment with what I know to be the right thing to do. Its quite obnoxious.

Now if I can just motivate myself to clean the train wreck that is my kitchen we might actually feel that we've made real progress on the house.

And I've been irked to discover that the little cheapy baby monitor that I use so I can keep tabs on the dryer (b/c its outside and I can't hear it when it dings and it annoys me when my clothes get wrinkled) has died. Apparently 3 summers of arizona heat was just too much for it. The receiver I keep in the house is still good but the transponder is dead. Which means I need to make the trek to the big Walmart and go buy another one. At least if I can find the same model then I'll have TWO receivers and can keep one in the bedroom and one in the living room so I don't have to migrate the stupid thing around with me. Thats positive right?

I've quit the online game that I play for various reasons and now I'm faced with this problem: when Caleb is awake and I'm EXTREMELY limited as to what I can do b/c the kid is forever inventing new ways to maim himself with out constant supervision, I'm BORED. Because the kid is adorable, but now I have a distinct lack of people to talk to. SO I'm working on it. I should probably just start reading a new series or something.

At least the kid is dang cute. Today he was playing with the remote for the fan. He usually pretends its a phone. Well he managed to push the right button and the fan beeped and turned on and he like jumped and then stared at it shocked for a minute. And then he carefully placed the remote down on the pillow next to me and backed away slowly. I about died laughing.

Also be warned that I'll probably be blogging too much for a while. Mostly because the boredom leads to thinking which leads to blogging.