Monday, August 9, 2010


This is a public site so this will have to be cryptic for personal reasons. Don't ask I just need to talk in circles.

I think that being LDS is designed to make you deal with your issues and trust in God in part by banning all the usual methods of self medication. Think about it you hit a problem. Life sucks. Most people bury that sort of thing with sex or booze or gambling or drugs or really all of the above plus all manner of creative options to try to kill the pain.

A good practicing Mormon isn't allowed to do any of that so you're left with the initally painful alternative of having to actually deal with your crap. Which I mean everybody does eventually. You can only bury for so long before you wind up hitting bottom and going to a twelve step program. So the goal I guess is to pay the piper early and get it over with before you have to pay your tab with punative interest.

But what happens when you can't talk about a thing b/c talking about it further will only make it worse. And its really bothering you and you have no way to fix it. Everything you've tried has failed. And you're left hurting and confused and clueless how to make it better. And suddenly some of the self medication options are sounding very attractive but you can't b/c that would just cause a whole NEW problem and thats the absolute last thing I need right now.

So I guess you just have to trust in God and let it go. But right now... that sounds like a non answer...

And I'm sure all of this is really my fault b/c it wouldn't bother me if I were being a good girl and reading my scriptures and saying my prayers as faithfully as I should. And I even got smacked up side the head for it spiritually at church today.

And right now all I wanna do is curl up in ball and self medicate..

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